I Think To Myself What a Wonderful World

Collards and Cornbread

2012-01-24T02:02:00.006-05:00

I want something good to eat. I would like to sit down at a dinner table with family and friends and just have a decent meal. The only problem with that is I can't because I have been working everyday. Don't get me wrong. I am happy to have a job. Thankful to God and more than gratefu
l to not have to file unemployment.( Lord knows who came up with those figures). Anyway, I am getting very tired. Just exhausted and I am more than willing to help out but, damn. I have no time for anything. And everyone says " Well the money is great. " I retort " I can't spend it if I'm dead." Money isn't everything. Quality of life is so much more important to me. Since losing my mom, even more so. I want to be able to live each day, happily like it's my last. I'm not asking for wine and song and parties. Just a chance to relax and do what I want to do. Time to see my dad. Chat with my family and friends. Spend quality time with them. I joined the Eastern Star organization so I could really do some work in the community. How can I if I can't attend half of the functions? GOD GRANT ME SERENTIY... PATIENCE... I know and this too shall pass. Right now I am willing to settle for a good meal. Collards and Cornbread...yeah!!!!

Give It To Me Baby

2012-01-23T04:12:00.006-05:00

It's the men against the women again. Sort of...while having a discussion about Kobe and his wife the men began shouting. " She's a trifling bitch!!" " Another.."Why does she deserve half his money and a three estates?". Another shouted " He got robbed". But the discussion took a different turn when the women began to chime in. " Yes, getit girl", "That's right she deserved it, she put up with his ass for 10yrs." "She has his babies". Now keep in mind that there are only black women and men having this discussion and it came to an immediate shouting match when one of the men said. " That's why black men want white women, ya'll always trying to take money from us that you don't deserve?" WTF... Are white women immune to divorce, alimony and child support? What kind of statement is that. Ignorant that's what it was. White women have been getting half for years. And just a side note...Kobe's wife isn't a black woman. Do I agree with half, well as a matter of fact I don't. But, I do think that his wife and children should remain accoustomed to the lifestyle that he gave them. In certain cases where the man, is the cause ( because he cheats or just ups and decides that he needs a newer model) Hell yeah, she gets to get half , for putting up with his scandalous ass for years!!! He broke the contract, the only one that really counts the MARRIAGE contract, so in that case it should cause him half. Now back to this idiot. If you want to be with a white woman that is your choice. There is nothing wrong with it. No one can help who they love. However, do not blame black women for your choice. I'm tired of this cop out that black women are hard to get along with, angry, stubborn or whatever else you dig out. Women are women all over the world. We all have a good and bad side. We all go through bullshit with our men. We all get tired. Black women are not the only ones. Perhaps, we are quicker to come to the light and not take your bullshit. But,that's only logical.

Damn, the struggle continues...

Leave Me Alone

2012-01-14T07:50:00.003-05:00

I was watching 20/20 last night and there was a story about women who wanted to have children with sperm donors. I thought well if you do not have a significant other or if you are unmarried and want a child, that is an option. The 'problem' was that these women were on internet getting sperm from men for "FREE". That was not the only problem ( So they reported) there was also a chance that these men could have very psychological problems and they aren't being tested. My issue is if these women we're to meet these men and casually have sex with them there would be no 'problem'. So why give them so much grief? They are obviously at the end of their ropes and have tried ever other means available. Why tell them how they can get pregnant? Leave people alone to make decisions about their bodies. The government is getting a little too involved in our lives. They want a hand in every decision you make, they want their cut. Hell, they already jacking us daily and it still isn't enough. I say allow these women to pursue whatever venue they deem necessary to bring a child into this world!!!

Just Running Across My Mind

2012-01-10T06:54:00.004-05:00

I had a conversation with a friend a few days ago about the love of a mother and child and a sibling. I could not fathom a comparison. But, their arguement was because I was raised to put no one above my mother I wouldn't be able to. I understood that you have love for a sibling completely. I love both my brother and sister. I WILL do anything I can for them and only want the best for them. I pray for good and hapiness for them. However, if there was ever a choice I would have to unfortunately make to choose between them and my mother. MOM would win, hands down,EVERY TIME.No thought process needed. I said "You only have one mother." Their argument was they only had one sibling. I guess this is not for me to understand, because no matter what my sIbling does for me it could never replace what my MOTHER had done for me. This is the woman who gave me life. The woman who fed, clothed and raised me. This is the woman who sacrificed for me, who loved me unconditionally. To tell the truth the statement kind of bothered me and not just because I lost my mom.I understand that everyone isn't as close to ther parents as I am to mine. I understand that. But just the thought of putting anyone on the level of my mother( HELL NAW). So I stated that you are not the norm , because most people say I love my mom/child more than anything on this earth. Most people... I guess I just have to accept that everyone doesn't feel that way and I thank God for the relationship and love that I had/have for mine.

So This Is Christmas

2011-12-29T13:00:00.003-05:00

We made it through another year. There was a time when I thought we would never make it. The first year I didn't feel like celebrating anything, but we did because that's the way my mother raised us.We honor her, everyday by continuing to live our lives. By pushing ourselves to go on even when we think we can't. The pain of losing her still and probably always will hurt, but we are few but resilient people. We are from very strong stock. Even my father was able to smile this year, be genuinely happy, and he needs that more than any of us. So we made it, we laughed, we cooked, we danced, joked, remembered, we celebrated. The blessing of knowing we had a great lady in our lives but also that she left a great group of us behind. I may be a little biased, but I am so happy that I belong to this family. I hope each of you have the chance to feel the joy I feel with your families. Not only at Christmas...everyday. Be Blessed!

Gotta Git Up

2011-07-04T20:36:00.007-04:00

Vacation is coming and I can't wait. I like my job, I do. But, if I don't get away soon there is going to be some furniture movin'!!! I need this much deserved break. I'm going with braids again because I hear FL is hell hot and I do not want to be dealing with hair and heat, I know that would not be cute. My dad needs this most of all. He needs to get out of the house and enjoy himself. He needs to try to live again, without mom. The other day he hinted to me moving back home. That's not going to happen, I will make more time to spend with him, because I know he gets lonely. But, I need my space, my sanity depends on it. Hopefully he will understand that. I love him to pieces, but no can do.

Love Is You

2011-06-18T01:51:00.004-04:00

Yesterday was my 45th birthday. I started it off with good friends toasting me and having a blast. I am blessed. Last year at this time I really was not in the mood to celebrate, anything... they say time heals all wounds. Although, I can't think of any amount of time that would heal this wound I am getting better. Stronger. I have so much love in my life. The love of family has sustained me physically and mentally. The love of friends both near and far has strengthened me. So I picked this song because I feel that I am love, so filled with love for others and so filled with love from others. Today, I feel so thankful to God for all that he has given me. For the things I overlook and forget to say "Thank you" for out loud. So Blessed!!!

Smile

2011-06-02T13:59:00.004-04:00

It has been quite a year for me. I am coming to terms with the lost of my mom and realizing that she wouldn't want me to stay sad for so long. ( Easier said than done mommy) but day by day it's getting...bearable. I will always miss her but I carry her with me everyday.

My life has been filled with work. I guess I dove into it to take my mind away for a minute. But being work has really been getting on my nerves, I will have to find another outlet. So here I am with my old standby. Writing. Most of the blogs I used to follow have gone away. But,one thing about blogger...you can find new people with new thoughts. So I'm back ready to begin anew. I'm looking foward to it and I hope the things I have to say matter to some of you. If not, it matters to me. And its my blog!

So today, I smile...

Never

2010-11-25T12:09:00.003-05:00

I miss my mom. Today more than ever. It'a strange if that is the correct word knowing she isn't here to share her delicious dishes, humor and love. I wish I could see her once more and tell her again how much I love her. I am thankful today because she did know how much I did, I'm thankful that she isn't suffering and she is somewhere smiling and saying "You made me happy Wendy" I know the type person she was she wouldn't want us to be sad. So today Mom, I will smile, celebrate and honor your memory. I love you. I always will. Happy Turkey day everyone, cherish this time with your family.

Time Will Reveal

2010-09-24T06:56:00.003-04:00

Sometimes when I am alone I wait for her. My mother. Hoping like some movie she will magically appear like an angel. I can talk to her, maybe touch her again. She will follow me around and pop in and out of my car. Offer her advice and wisdom. I could make her laugh again until her hernia blows up and she would tell me to knock it off. God, I miss her. So many days I want to pick up the phone and call her to tell her about my crazy days, craZy friends. Her birthday is coming. I hear her saying celebrate her life." Don't be sad when I'm gone because I enjoyed my life and I would do it all over again" I hear it. And I know eventually I will get to that place, just not yet.

Everywhere

2010-07-08T05:58:00.004-04:00

My mother passed away on a Friday. April 30th, 2010.From brain cancer. It has taken me some time to be able to come here and type that. I think I am perhaps still in shock, maybe denial. I know I am self diagnosing.Good days and bad so I may also rant here. But follow me if you can. This has always been my answer. I write it all down, it's soothing to me. I had the most wonderful mother on earth, not only the most selfless person you would ever encounter,but just a beautiful human being. I am so thankful to God for her life. For being her child. For giving me 43 years with this amazing woman. Everything that I am and will ever be is because of her. I see her more in my face now, I hear her voice saying you will be okay baby, trust God.Pray.But,this is so hard.For all of us.I'm watching my father and praying for strength for him,because she was his childhood sweetheart and he is broken. I see her everywhere. In everything I do, my mannerisms. My feet, my hands, my face. I have so many good memories, and that is some comfort.I know it's my own selfishness that wants her back, because she was suffering.And I know she is in a better place. She was my friend, my cheerleader, my confidant, my hero and she loved me without condition. I never doubted that and it gives me so much joy to know she knew how much we loved her. She had a husband and three children who worshiped her. She was a strong woman, much stronger than me. She endured so much physical pain and even to her last breath still concerned for us. Always truthful with us, she didn't pull any punches but her advice came from love. And her upbringing molded us, she was proud of us. She was proud of her 53 year marriage and I miss her so much it hurts. My sister wrote this poem which we printed on her obituary. It sums everything I feel, we feel, up. I love you Mrs. Patricia Skinner forever and ever. You're everywhere I am.

I can't even recoginize what gone from me means or what's in between the seen and unseen.

Much like, but not just like God I know you will never leave me, but the aching is insanity.

I've never felt broken into so many pieces, all I am is pieces. Pieces that can't be identified of justified. Pieces soaked in sadness, sprinkled with madness and wrought with love from earth and above.

I know you're busy transitioning and haven't yet begun to practice listening, protecting or visting because it's still such a new thing.

I look forward to your spirit life, and I can't wait to see how your new wings look in my dreams or however you choose to show them to me,I know you'll fit them perfectly, as I reflect this thought with certainty. An angel certainly.

Father Can You Hear Me

2010-02-05T06:33:00.004-05:00

Today my mother will get the results of her latest radiation treatment. She was diagnosed with brain cancer Christmas eve. I can see the fight still in her. I can see her trying to come back. But she isn't there yet, and she probably won't ever be. The seizure she suffered did some damage to her motor skills, her memory. I pray for strength , that I know my family will need at this time in our lives. I pray for courage, not only to carry her through but for my father as well who is taking this hardest. I know everything happens for a reason and I am still trying to undetrstand why it has to be my mother. I know people say this all the time but she is incredible. So, however I have to have her here I will. I just need a little more time dear God, just a little more time.

What Are You Doing New Years Eve?

2009-12-31T11:27:00.003-05:00

Although I have not participated much this year, know that I miss you guys and I wish each of you a very happy,prosperous,joyful, healthy and loving NEW YEAR.Stay Blessed!!

Reunited

2009-10-26T04:56:00.003-04:00

Hello people! Hope all is well in your lives.This weekend I had the opportunity to hang with my very first love. The one who I knew I would marry and we would have the house the white picket fence and 2. 5 kids. We even had names picked out. Yeah, he broke my heart.The one who..well you know. It's hard to believe I've been knowing this man for over 30 years. Been away from him for almost as long and we fit right back in together like we never left. It was fun to reminisce about our young lives and how much fun and trouble we used to get into.He turned out to be a very nice man. I knew he would. He was a very nice boy. I took him to meet the parents again..well... now that he doesn't have to run for his life. He still broke out in a sweat though.That was funny as hell. My parents don't even beat people up anymore. (they will shoot though)

I think it's great when you have such an impact on a persons life. They never forget you.They always wonder about you and what you are doing. Many people don't get that chance. I'm glad I did. Reach out to someone you haven't seen in a while. It's great for the soul. Stay blessed!

Never Would Have Made It

2009-09-18T02:40:00.005-04:00

Yesterday was my fathers 72nd birthday. I am so blessed to say that. I wasn't given the opportunity to really appreciate how blessed yesterday, because our family was hit with some hard news. My brothers best friend, killed himself. Even as I type these words I find it so very hard to believe.I was already hurt by the fact that he was gone, but my brother is the one who found him. I believe that hurt me even more because I couldn't imagine having to find my best friend dead. I can't imagine finding anyone dead. But for someone I love,it would devastate me.

People always say. " Just know that they aren't suffering anymore" That is what I pray for most. I pray that he is not suffering. I pray that whatever it was that led him to take his own life is truly over now. The hardest thing I know for me will be watching my brother go through this. I hurt more, because I hurt for him. But this too will pass.

I'm trying to be strong, I haven't spoken a word to him. Not yet because I know when I talk to him or see him I will fall apart. I have been blessed enough in my life not to know death. Not to have to miss love ones or bury them. I have only attended 1 funeral in my life. This will be the second.

I thank God for delivering me from my pain. For seeing me through when I couldn't see. For making a way, when there was no way. For giving me the strength I needed to go on. I pray he is at peace.

Live your life to the fullest Stay Blessed!

You've Changed

2009-09-16T04:22:00.002-04:00

I know that it has been a minute since I was last here. I have been really busy with work and moving and just getting my life back in order. Since the last time that I wrote there hasn't been any major issues. I am still dating, but no longer in a relationship. (So to speak). Yet, I remain hopeful that I will find my soulmate. God just isn't done with me. I have been feeling lately that I need to do more with my life. I need to be more active in my community. I need to reach out to some of these kids. Try to make a difference. I'm just feeling like I am stuck. You all know that's not me.

My family is well. My father will be 72 years old tomorrow. I am blessed to have both of my parents. I appreciate their wisdom and guidance to this day. My brother and sister and the rest of the clan are fine. ( Although, my sis still refuses to have a kid) I'm going to give her another year.

So I am back to writing again. Sorry I have been away so long. I hope you all are doing ok. I pray we all prosper.

Until soon...be blessed!

Gone To Soon

2009-06-26T01:15:00.002-04:00

I am in shock. Utter disbelief. The King of Pop, Mr. Michael Jackson is gone. May his family be strengthened during this time. Think of him what you may, you can never take away the fact that he was a musical icon, whose talents entertained us for decades. Rest in peace Mr. Jackson.

My Man

2009-06-20T04:03:00.003-04:00

Today I fell out with one of my closes friends. Why? Her man, not mine hers. I hate to fall out with anyone but especially when it's foolishness. By the way, I have kicked my man to the curb. It just wasn't working out and NO it wasn't me. Back to me and my friend.

I spoke to someone and told them the whole scenario and they feel that I am correct. I feel that i am correct. I just have to get my friend to see that I am correct. She is a bit stubborn and I am too and I love her , but shit. Right is right and wrong is wrong. Her man was dead wrong. ( Nothing like trying to approach me or anything like that) but the situation was wrong. So in an effort to get him to think about the situation I spoke with her. It's amazing how friends can flip. I understand that it is her man and she has to keep her home happy, but damn don't flip on me. That is all that I am saying.

I am saying if you see he is wrong don't try to rationalize no crazy shit. PERIOD!!!

Slow Down

2009-03-10T23:04:00.004-04:00

I must be losing my mind. In the past two weeks, I have lost my make-up case( left on a counter)as I removed it to get to my wallet. And who wants used make-up? You'd be surprised. Because when I went back to the counter it was gone.Two pair of earrings and then my wallet. Well, my wallet was stolen but,I still feel like it was my fault for not paying more attention to my pocketbook. Foolishly, I thought it was "safe". I hate to lose anything, ANYTHING!!! and most times I am very careful of my surroundings and my personal belongings. The process that I've gone through to cancel and replace my things will be another blog for another day.

I just have too much on my plate right now. Too many irons in the fire and I think I am getting burned out and scatterbrained. We all know that combination never works out for the best. I feel like, I'm hurried and thinking but not thinking.

This is not me, I gotta slow down...

Stay Blessed

Summertime

2009-03-03T15:36:00.003-05:00

It's March. It is March and as I watch the snow melt out of my driveway you know that I am thinking...WTH. Talk about March Madness. Not only is it snowing, its cold here. I long for the sun beating on my head. For sweat, yes the kind that comes from just being too damn hot.(Not working out).I long for long days and short nights. For riding with my car windows down, or with my air conditioner on. Oh wait...the news says it's going to be 75 here this weekend...wth !!!

Pneumonia weather is what my grandmother called it. Still, I wish it would make up it's mind and just decide on warm, maybe even hot.

Other than the freezing of thine ass, my love life is holding on by a thread.Although, I have chosen to forgive his mother ( as I said I would from the beginning, I just don't forget) something is still missing. From our conversations, our time together is strained. Or at least that is how I am feeling. I try to express what I am feeling and I don't think I am getting through. And I am a great communicator. It's almost as if he wants to pretend that it never happen. Seriously, because now that I think about it, if it was mentioned I'm the one that brought the subject up.

You all know that I have asked God to grant me patience. And he has, I am soooo much better than I was. But, I also have ADD and I didn't ask for help with that and right now, I'm feeling antsy...the struggle continues....

Stay Blessed!!!

Dear Momma-Funny Valentines

2009-02-14T13:04:00.006-05:00

Happy Valentines Day!

This post is going to be a bit unusual. This is not a post for my mother. Although I love her to death.I am involved with someone and happy with him. When we first started seeing each other we mentioned some things about our families. He did admit that his mother was crazy. ( yeah, I know we all have a crazy in the fam). I have my own drama with a family member so I know. But I never in a million years thought he really meant crazy. Straight jacket, need to be locked away for your own good CRAZY.

With out going into too much detail, I will say the events of this past week have shocked me. It began with a simple valentines gift and ended with me being called every thing, every thing but a child of God. I have never been involved with anyone and not gotten along with their parents. Mothers love me. Even after break ups they keep in touch. Wonder what the hell is wrong with their children, why'd they let me get away. So for this to be the case now is really new to me. I knew he was a mommas boy, an only child. But, DAMN his mother ( Who by the way was so in love with me last week) flipped so hard I thought I was in a remake of THE EXORCIST. And although this woman disrespected me in the worst way, I held my ground. I took the high road and what good would come from beating up an old woman?

The only thing that bothers me now is where will this lead us?( him and I) because although I can forgive. I will never forget.(Not even when her other personality resurfaces). And you can't really ask someone to choose between their own nutty as a fruitcake mother and you. Because it's his Mother.The struggle continues...

Enjoy this day, Stay Blessed!

AT LAST !!!!

2009-01-20T19:40:00.004-05:00

Whether you voted for him or not, this day is profound for everyone. This day is proof that any one of us can overcome any obstacle. Whatever you are feeling right now at this moment in time, know that you have witnessed history. You have watched an America that you and I have only dreamed about, come to fruition. If only for today, when this man, Barack Obama's character was more important than the color of his skin. You can't help but feel emotional, as I witnessed our 44th president take his oath, with his wife by his side, with millions of people, young, old, black, white, rich and poor weathering the cold. Smiling like they were in the middle of the most tropical island. I was filled with so much pride and adoration. He addressed the nation in his cool manner that only he has. He was firm, strong, eloquent and gave Americans, all of us, a sense of hope. A sense that a new day has dawned. Lift every voice and sing!

The days ahead will be long. He will be over analyzed, criticized. He is but one man.

Pray for him
Pray for his family
Pray for this country

Yes we can, Yes we did! Congratulations Mr. President

Do You Remember The Time?

2009-01-08T01:12:00.009-05:00

I am on the verge of 7 yearss bloggin' guys.Tomorrow is the day. This has been a very good outlet for me. It has allowed me to vent my frustrations, share my joys,spill my tears and Praise my God! I have met some of the most decent,funny, loving, kind, crazy,opinionated folks in this time. Words are powerful and the feedback/LUV I recieve from you guys is appreciated. I am grateful still to Stephen for asking me " Do you blog?"
Recently I have been missing, but don't think I don't miss it. So much is happening now...
Okay, don't tell nobody. Your girl is in deep. I like him. I mean I really like him. And you know what? I am so damn scared. I feel like I did with my very first boyfriend and I'm getting all fluttery inside when he calls me "baby" or the way he looks at me sometimes. Had I heard that line I just wrote under any other circumstance I would be putting a finger down my own throat. But,not this time and I don't want to let my guard down yet because....

I am guarded. I will find myself thinking of him and wanting to call but I don't because I don't want to feel like I'm putting myself out there. Maybe paying him too much attention. isn't that nuts? I know nothing in my past is this mans fault. But, all I know is I cannot repeat the things I did in the past. I can't/won't allow myself to ever be in that place again

"But when I lay in his arms, child it's easy pretending. This is a real fairytale"- Anita Baker.

I will quote a character from one of my own damn books. " If you get a scrape on your skin, you can put all the neosporin on it that you want. It'll never be that skin again, it's scarred." I guess that's how I feel. Just afraid really to open up.

He is a good man. I am a good woman and we deserve to be happy. So long as we do the work necessary. Respect each other and trust each other. Pray for me yall. I'm trying to be more KIND and GENTEEL being that some people( eyes rollin at them) almost gag when I say that about myself.But I really am...really...

Stay Blessed!

I Bust The Windows Out Your Car

2009-01-04T20:36:00.003-05:00

Happy New Year! I hope you all had safe and enjoyable holiday season. I'm ready for 2009. I thank God for letting me be here to see it. Now, that I can breath a little more, I believe I can get here a little more often. The past few months have just been so stressful. I have a lot of reading to catch up on as well...

I don't how many of you are familiar with Jazmin Sullivan, but the title to this post is named for one of her songs. She is really a very talented singer, I had the opportunity to listen to her album (CD) and all I can say is a sis has been through some things. This song and I know this is not the way to react to any situation, but this song caught my attention. I want to go on record here saying, You should just walk away. Forget about it. Pray on it, let it go. I do not agree with her the actions she claims to have taken in this song , but I understand.

Grace

2008-12-31T18:57:00.006-05:00

I know I have been the worst blogger ever! I have been so busy lately but I wanted to wish my blog family Happy New Year. As we go into this new year, my wish for each of you is for health, wealth and love. I have so much to be thankful for my family is doing well,my friends are genuine,my love life is Just Fine>.(now that I have one)

I pray for this country,my incoming President and each of you. I pray we are all abundantly blessed in this new year. Love one another,Cherish everyday!

Have A Very Happy New Year.

Can I?

2008-11-30T18:03:00.006-05:00

Can I tell you how tired I am?

Forgive me if my thoughts are scattered. I have been running since Wednesday. I have finally realized that I am not as young as I used to be. My sister came down from Philly.It was so good to see her face. I miss her face. My brother's kids are making me feel... older 19, 16 and 10. ( where does the time go?) and my nephew appears to be growing every second with no end in sight. He's 6'6" now. Doing well, so believe me when I say God answers prayers. My 16 year old niece has grown into a beautiful young woman and the baby, 10 years old. I can see I'm going to have to kill off. Spoiled rotten! I think its safe to say my brothers genes are shit, because those kids look like their mother. So it was decided that since mom just came home from the hospital that I would do all the cooking. Crazy, I know, but I wanted to really...no really. And I did ( my thing).
After celebrating with my own family,this year for an extra added twist I had to go to HIS's mothers house. Even after refusing everything she offered, she seems to like me; Of course I have never had any problems with parents. Thank God. I do hear some horror stories. I guess she can see that her son has found an EXTRAORDINARY, PHENOMENAL woman. Seriously, it was odd for me, this whole dating thing again, trying to build something with someone. I guess it was odd for him too. We are still new, and this our first holiday together.
Then we made our rounds to friends houses, to watch football games and mingle ( I really don't like football) but,I got to meet his boys ,their wives,significant and some not so significant others. All of them, seemed cool.

All and all it was another wonderful holiday. I thank God for my family, my friends, for opening my heart to the possibility of loving again. For my life.

Stay Blessed!

Praise Up

2008-11-27T00:59:00.001-05:00

It's that time again. Thanksgiving, those of you that read this blog often know that this is my favorite holiday.I am in the kitchen now still cooking. I don't even mind. Two days ago I was at the hospital because my mother had a scare. Today I am in her kitchen and she is watching me cook. ( Standing guard). I am blessed. She is fine and I couldn't be happier . God has blessed this family with another holiday together I .
pray that each of you have a safe and enjoyable holiday. Eat , drink and be thankful for all you have. Love one another.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Stay Blessed!

You Are My Friend

2008-11-20T17:08:00.003-05:00

I am a people person. I love interaction with different types of people and feel that I can get along with anyone if given the chance. I was having a discussion with a person who informed me that he didn't have any friends. He said he only had acquaintances and he thought when people called themselves friends, they basically expected things from you.

I thought how sad. I have friends, true blue, do or die, ride or die, down for me friends. People that I can lean on tell my business, fall out with, party with, cry with and know they will always be there. I guess I am blessed.
My whole point to him was, what kind of friend are you? I have aligned myself with people who treat me the way I treat them. I feel if you act like a friend then I will treat you like one. I have had to let people that were my so-called friends go.
They did not treat me with the same level of respect that I gave them. They did not respect the relationship and therefore lost the title of "friend". They could no longer be anything to me, because once I extend my hand in friendship and you do something to soil that relationship in any way I have lost the trust that is needed to have a true friendship. Some people feel that is harsh. That forgiveness is needed. I do forgive. Don't get me wrong. Before I decide to end a friendship I look at the circumstances which led me to consider ending it. If I deem them harsh enough then it's over. I wish you well.

As I tried to explain this to him, it felt like he understood. But never having a friend in his life was a lot for me to take in. I asked him again, What kind of friend are you? He basically said he considered himself a good friend having gone out of his way many, many times only to be used. I told him he had to decide what types he choose to call his friends as well. Because friends don't use you. They don't call only when they need things and they don't abuse you in any way. A friend uplifts you when your down. Raising you even higher when your up. They are proud of you and feel nothing but love for you and truly want the best for you.

It was a bit much for him. People like this truly do exist. I know because I am blessed to have them in my life. My prayers that this young man will experience this in his lifetime..

Stay Blessed!

Lift Every Voice

2008-11-07T10:41:00.004-05:00

And Sing....

President(elect) and First Lady Obama and their children

When I See You

2008-10-29T22:05:00.004-04:00

I did the early voting today. I have to admit I am proud of myself. Three hours in line. I was a trooper for mine. I was happy in fact to see so many people in line. So many YOUNG people. So many people who were voting for the first time in there lives. It was beautiful thang.

On my way back as I was jamming to EWF and feeling pretty good. I passed a cotton field. Several in fact. You have to understand coming from NY I have never seen one, never saw one in Charlotte either. I was in a little town called Raeford NC and they had a few. I pulled over on the side of the field and was humbled for a minute. As far as the eye could see, the field went on and on. I thought of those before me.Those who had to pick this, those who had no rights, no choices. Those people who were treated less than human.Those who fought and gave up their lives in the struggle. I had to touch it guys. I hope the owners didn't think I was trying to steal it. I wasn't, trust and believe me. I have never seen a cotton plant/tree or whatever it's called,and there I was staring at a whole field of it. Surprise, surprise it felt like...cotton.

I gathered myself and got back in my car. I heard this is "Klan" county and I need not be out there too long alone. As I passed the field I felt triumphant. I felt that all those before me were proud because I voted today...for a black man with my bad black self.Sorry, I had a power to the people moment.. And before you haters start, I would have voted for BOZO the clown over McCain. I'm just saying look how far we've come...

Please VOTE!!!, Pray and Stay Blessed!

There's Hope

2008-10-17T13:17:00.004-04:00

Hello people! I know, bad Wendy!!. I have really been quite busy. I finally made my move and things are going as well..I've never lived in a military town before. So many men in uniform...mmm, mmm,mmph!...whew....

For the most part I have been unpacking and following this political race of our lives. This is clearly a republican section of town that I have moved to. I think I have seen one Obama sign in a neighbors yard. As I pass their home I raise and pump a fist to let them know they are no longer by themselves.

My neighbor who is in the Army is quite vocal in his opinions about Barack. We have agreed to disagree on the subject.We will never see eye to eye, so may the best OBAMA win.

Other than the normal typical things we do in our lives I can add dating someone again.

I hear you guys...that's the REAL reason she's been missing. Not true, and it is really still rather new, ( the wine and roses) phase. But I will keep you posted.

There's Hope!

Stay Blessed!

Ain't No Mountain High Enough

2008-08-28T19:04:00.003-04:00

Tonight we will witness history. When Barack Obama accepts the party nomination for the President of the United States. On the 45th anniversary of Martin Luther Kings' " I have a Dream" speech.

I'm bursting with pride. Yet, I can't help but think of the struggle of those before him. Those who took the beatings and endured, in your face racism that we couldn't even imagine today. Those who hung in their because the conviction, their courage wouldn't let them be turned away. Their pride in themselves wouldn't allow them to settle for being second class citizens. Their determination and their faith guiding them while they shaped our futures.

These are the qualities we need now more than ever. We still have a fight ahead of us! So get as many people in your communities registered. Get them involved! Talk to them about what this( election) means. Not only for Democrats, not only for Blacks for us all. We need change!We must have more from our government than we have in the the past eight years. Not a Democrat?, cool get the conversations flowing anyway, you may convert a few.

Today, I hope our youth take notice. I hope they see what a little hard work can do. What having goals and self worth can do. That although, it won't be easy. ( What in life worthwhile is.) The sky is the limit! They can become anything their hearts desire.

Thank God It's Friday

2008-08-22T14:23:00.011-04:00

- Hey, put a smile on your face
things are coming your way
Out there somewhere tonight-

Here are some of my old school fav's, If we have to pick a "crooner" this week. You know Luther has to be the man. I saw this concert and I couldn't get enough of Luther (still can't)...

Here are some more of my favs you're going to have to get on your feet for some of these, so press pause on my usual jams and... Work it JT, Work IT!!!...

Have a great weekend, Stay Blessed!

Call Me

2008-08-20T19:15:00.005-04:00

I have never been a person who will repeatedly call someone. I will call leave a message and hopefully you will return my call. If not, I'll talk to you when you are able. See ya, when I see ya!

I have an acquaintance, that is blowing my phone up. So much so that I find myself wondering why I gave her my number. When I do answer she wants to talk about others. I'm not the type woman who talks about people, I don't sit around gossiping and causing drama, I have told her that's not me. Anything I have to say, believe me it will be said to you.

The other thing is she speaks really, re al ly, sl ow ly . So I am in a 5 minute conversation for 30.I think someone who stutters would get the point across sooner.

I pride myself in being able to get along with anyone. If you allow me too. But this tracking me down for bullshit is killing me. She will call and call and call until I answer. The first time she did it, I really thought something was wrong.If I am unreachable at home she will repeatedly call my cell. Now this would not be an issue if I haven't already explained this to her. Her constant calling pushes my other numbers out of my phone. She said she was sorry and just trying to catch up. Understandable, but chill. If it isn't an emergency, don't call me like it is. I am getting images of Glen Close calling repeatedly and turning that lamp off/on.

Seriously, Its getting so bad... I mean damn I am blogging about it dammit!. I don't mind you calling me. Lord knows I can talk on the phone... But I have got to put the breaks on this.

It's not normal to let a phone ring repeatedly. What did Eddie Murphy say? "That's a lonely B@7%H! on the end of that line."

Nothing From Nothing

2008-08-13T15:20:00.006-04:00

I don't have children, so I am reaching as far as what "I" would do. I know how I think I would raise my child. I know how I was raised. I know my tolerance level. I have friends with step children that are wrecking their lives and marriages. I know from listening to them, I no longer wish to be in a relationship with a man who has under aged children anymore. At my age that is really, really pushing it.This is a strong statement considering who much I love children. But I am watching my friends lives crumble before my eyes. Not because of money, miscommunication or infidelity, but because of the step children.

It's sad to watch because other than the children, these people have wonderful relationships. I understand my friends frustration and yet I understand their partner. No one wants to be put in a situation to choose between their spouse or their children. I understand when they are just wanting "peace" and not to make any waves and keep everyone happy. But you can't keep everyone happy. Someone is going to have a problem.

My friends feel unappreciated, one has been physically abused by a child. The other mentally abused not only by the child but their mother as well. I am at a lost as to what to say to them anymore. I listen. I ask them to talk with their spouses about how they feel. I know in my heart that both of these women love the step children. We don't have any Cinderella stories here. But the children, for some reason do not like them, nor do they respect the fact that their fathers love these women. I know that the mother's of these children are fueling the fires.

So how do you work this out? How do you keep your home life happy and as well adjusted and functional as you can when you have step children who act like they have 3 sixes on their skull?

I pray their relationships endure these troubled times. I pray these children realize that they are in the best possible place they could be. I pray that God give these families strength and wisdom.

Because....

I don't have children, but I know my tolerance level

In the Morning

2008-08-09T10:35:00.010-04:00

It's been quite some time since I've gotten up early on a Saturday morning. I'd like to say that I did. But you guys know the deal. No mornings for me mon. I scanned the television for shows that I could recognize and there weren't any. Back in the day, the above were the ones to watch. Then around 1pm I could look forward to Kung Fu theater. Those were the baddest cats in the game. They could fight a whole nation for 15 hours straight, get stabbed and walk all the way back to their country and deliver their news before they died....Kids don't know what they are missing.

His last name is Edwards, I assure you Obama had nothing to do with this.Of course the " Breaking News" every fifteen minutes about the problems this man is having, must be followed by a story involving Obama. Please vote! Take someone to vote!

I have to say I was I was shocked and saddened by the death of this man.Another comedian that I liked. Bernie Mac's style of humor was raw, he was not for the faint of heart but, he was the truth and he will definitely be missed. My prayers for his family and friends. May he rest in peace.

Waiting

2008-08-06T20:09:00.011-04:00

My promise, my pledge....To take better care of my baby when she comes home. To listen to her more and to believe her when she tells me she isn't feeling well, I promise to go back to getting regular check-ups and stop taking for granted that she will continue to be there( even if I don't treat her as well as I should)I will appreciate her more.

The thing about having repairs on the car that burns me up is the waiting. Waiting for calls, waiting for parts,waiting for rides, I'm so sick of it. I NEED my vehicle. Yes I want it too, but I really need it and I know, I'm the reason the car is in the shop in the first place but, I still want it like yesterday! I really, really dislike depending on others to get me from point A to B. Whether, it be private or a commercial vehicle I CANT STAND waiting!(You all know public transportation is out!)

In other news my sister in all her wonderfulness will be 31 tomorrow. Am I going to rag her...of course ! 11 years ago you would have thought I was turning 108. She told me constantly how OLD I was, so now it's my turn. I know she will counter with, " You will always be older than me", but right now that's not my point.

I have decided to stop watching Supernanny. It raises my blood pressure too high. It's just ridiculous to me how far these parents let their children get out of hand.

Coolness... I took this quiz: What Is The Soundtrack Of Your life?
And it came back as...

Louis Armstrong - What a Wonderful World

Stay Blessed people!

All For You

2008-08-03T11:30:00.004-04:00

What's going on people!I have been feeling rather guilty about my blog. I miss you guys so much. The summertime has been taking me away from you, I've been running around wild... Well, not so much right now because...

Silly me, I blew a rod y'all. Yes in my car, yes it was all my fault and yes I have to pay(OUCH). Strange thing is when it happened I still didn't believe there was no oil in my car...I can assure you after this I will be checking oil almost daily.

You know it's really sad when gas at 3.84 brings a tear to your eye. When I saw the sign I really needed to take a moment. How much are you guys paying in your neck of the woods?

Yesterday I attended a birthday party and was having the most wonderful time until I got on the Spades table. Okay...Can you believe we were whipping there behinds 320-200,TALKING MUCH TRASH, because these dudes didn't have to get up all night.Last hand game is 350. They got a 10 hand, damn near a Boston. I was devastated....

Stay Blessed people...

2008-07-14T19:56:00.004-04:00

NO MATTER WHAT REASON THE NEW YORKER IS GIVING FOR THIS COVER IT'S FRACKLENACKLEBULL. IT'S RACIST AND I BELIEVE WE SHOULD ALL FLOOD THEIR LINES WITH CALLS AND WRITE UP A STORM. THIS IS TOO MUCH THEY OWE THE OBAMAS AN APOLOGY!

They still don't get it. Ignorance is NOT bliss!

Hope you are all well, stay blessed!

Our Love is Here to Stay

2008-06-24T00:51:00.006-04:00

I won't brag. I will just say that I was watching an episode of Deion and Pilar( Yes, Another reality show) and Pilar wanted Deion to speak with the children about sex. He didn't say much to them but told the children to say " Daddy put it down" when asked about their conversation. So as far as my parents anniversary celebration goes. " We put it down"

My parents were so happy, and I have never been filled with more pride for them. They have touched so many lives in their 50 years together and it was really nice to see that love returned.- Enuf said

One of my favorite comedians George Carlin died Sunday...so here is a quote of his I find somehow ties in with this post.

"Men are from Earth, Women are from Earth. Deal with it."

Stay Blessed people!!

Rocking Chair

2008-06-17T00:03:00.005-04:00

Come on,sexy Baby woo, let me be your rocking chair
We'll rock away from here

A friend suggested that I am ready for a rocking chair. She is 7 yrs younger and I cannot wait until she is my age. But when she suggested it I was reminded of this song so that's the reason for this title.

Anywho, your girl is 42 today! Thank you Jesus!
The Sharing The Love Award was created by Crystal Memoirs of a Mommy Blog I was awarded by Believer and I am truly honored that she even thought of me. This award goes to the people whose blogs make your day. Those must reads. So I am sharing this love today with the following people....

Tiki
Frank
Lyre
Buck

Honorable Mention to:
BluJewel who was already sent some love but I am sending more.

I think a really wonderful birthday gift would be for the Celtics to finally wrap this up. That would really make my day. We'll see. Stay Blessed people!

The Humpty Dance

2008-06-11T13:38:00.008-04:00

Happy Hump Day people! I think from now on I will include a few verses from the song.

Alright stop what your doing, cause i'm about to ruin
The image and the style that your used to...

Do the Humpty Hump, what do the Humpty Hump!

Ok, we let Birdman here win one. It was bound to happen. But a sweep would have really done it for me. Anyway doesn't he look like a bird? He already has on yellow just add some feathers around his face in your mind for a minute. I'll wait...

He does, doesn't he? Anyway this man almost had to play by himself didn't he? I guess he said man if we don't win tonight Magic is going to have a hit put on the team. LMAO. Magic was hot!!!Talking pure trash about his beloved Lakers.

Preparations for my parents 50th anniversary are coming along. My sister will be here next week. I miss her so much! The three of us are supposed to be giving it, but my sister and I do all the work and my brother just shows up. Typical. If it wasn't so hot I would give him a karate chop to the throat.

>I will be 42 in six days, that's why I'm so bubbly ( no I haven't been drinking), YET... I'm going to need to get glasses. I can't read the small print anymore. ( And you know all the important stuff is in small print).They have really cute glasses now though. It's not like I will have to look like Redd Foxx in Harlem Nights.

Stay Blessed People!

It Takes Two

2008-06-08T23:56:00.005-04:00

IT being the Celtics win. Leading the finals 2-0. Man... what a game! I decided that I could go wash my dishes because the Celtics had this one in the bag. 24 point lead. Leon Powe going off. I thought they had knocked the wind out of the Lakers sail. I was wrong. I was chatting it up with my mother and happened to catch a glance at the screen. Lawwd! a 2 point game!???. What happened here? Thankfully, the Celtics won because for the Lakers to come back and beat them and they had a 24 point deficit would have been crazy. Not to mention when they got the Staples Center it would have been on and popping. Laker fans are on point!

Someone asked me how can I dislike Kobe and admire his game. Simply, he has skills. The man can play. I don't like his personality. He is so dry,snooty
. Or at least that's what I see. Maybe he has reason to be. Maybe he was picked on as a child. I don't know, but his personality doesn't take one thing away from his game. Dennis Rodman is crazy as hell, but he was the baddest six man in the game. See...

The camera caught Magic eating popcorn. I think brotha was hungry with an O tonight. Still looking good. ( Especially to me) you guys know about my crush.

Anyway, I had a great weekend. Hope you all did too. Stay blessed.

Congratulations!

2008-06-04T12:50:00.008-04:00

Although Mrs. Clinton will not acknowledge defeat. Hilary, I love you gurlie but, let's do the right thing here. I will say it, Congratulations democractic presidential nominee Mr. Barack Obama!!!!Imagine how this man must feel right now. How his wife must feel. I wonder about their private talks, like what are they saying in this picture.

Barack: Baby, I'm about to be the most important man in the World.

Michelle:Yes,the world,um hmmm,you forgot to take out the garbage yesterday..LOL

Right now, I am so proud of him/for him. I know that he has an even tougher fight ahead of him. McCain may look dead but we can't count him out. I wish I could really believe that his race will not play a factor in this. But it will. My parents used to tell me with education you can go anywhere. Do anything. If you must, work twice as hard. Here is an example of what all those things can do. I hope our young black men take notice of history, in the making. We all should but, especially our youth. I pray they do.

In other news... If you noticed I have something new over there<---- I got it from the idea from Believer not only are her post uplifting but she always has the coolest stuff!

Let Me Ride

2008-05-27T23:17:00.006-04:00

Asking someone for a ride in a car these days can get you cursed out. I put $20.00 in my tank today and I got a little over 5 gallons. That is ridiculous. I am seriously considering parking my car and riding the bus. And if you live in Charlotte NC you know that is an extreme move. Gas hit 3.97 for regular in my neck of the woods. The bus is $1.30. I believe a bus pass for the week is $15.00. I'm Very ,seriously considering it. All I have to do is leave my home 2 hours earlier than I have to be there. Our transit system still is not the best. There are still places the bus does not go. It will get you as close as possible though and you can walk the rest of the way. Imagine that.

Of course that is a problem for me. The other problem would be I hate to wait on anyone. Anything. I want to go when I'm ready to go. So, now I am sacrificing. I am only driving places I NEED to go. No more trips to Wallyworld, just because. I try to get everything I need before I get home, because once I am there, its over. I'm not going anywhere.

The pump read 92.00 when I pulled up. I guess I'm fortunate my tank doesn't take that much to fill up. If that was a fill-up for that person. I guess I could form a car pool. I don't know. Maybe we should have learned from the Amish. How much is a horse and buggy anyway?

Basketball

2008-05-21T00:40:00.007-04:00

You all know I love this game! Excuse the cliche'. Man, what is the world coming to when I have to root for the CELTICS????!!!! Back in the day, I was a huge, HUGE Laker fan. I'm talking about the 80's Lakers. I loved MJ and if you think I am talking about Michael Jordan or Jackson just stop reading now. Aside from Peabo Bryson and Debarge,my walls were covered with him. He was the only reason I ever wanted to visit LA. Then he got all married and had another major issue and that dream died. Anyway, I loved the Lakers. One of the teams that gave me heart palpitations during these times were the Celtics...the Larry, Kevin, Dennis, Danny, Robert Celtics were a thorn in my side. Around that time, I also really disliked, the Pistons.The Bad Boys,as they called themselves. Basically, any team that gave my Lakers a hard time,during finals, or beat us I disliked.

Well, right around the time that the Lakers of ol' were leaving in droves,including coach Pat; I changed my team, like everyone else in America to the BULLS. I hung in with them. Even after Mike left. I started searching again though and finally, I went with the Heat. Now they are out, Shaq is gone. I have NEVER been a Knicks fan, they always seemed to just want to go to the playoffs to me. But not actually win. I did have a crush on Charles Oakley though. And I would be a Spurs fan but "blank stare man" Duncan, creeps me out. Now, I have to go with a team that I dislike but, I would rather see them win the championship more than any of the other teams. So, it's The Celtics... The Celtics WOW...times sure do change.

Hello

2008-05-19T21:41:00.004-04:00

Hello People!!!

Sorry I have been away so long. A sis has had alot on her plate recently and I have been unable to blog. I hope all of the mother's had a wonderful Mother's Day! Since my last post your gurl has a little drama in her life but you know what? God is good all the time and everything is working out. I am about to hit all of your blogs in a minute a catch myself up.

I have moved since my last blog and let me tell you. I never ever want to move again. I think if I have to pack another box I may have a nervous breakdown. If you want people to scatter mention to them that you are moving. I understand though because I am not helping anyone else move anything. My lifting boxes days are over. I just couldn't believe all of the crap I had in this house. Even after throwing stuff away I still had a lot of things.

I want new furniture now. I've had my eye on this set for a minute. I call myself waiting to catch it on sale but it looks like it's not going to happen.

I'm now preparing for my parents 50th anniversary.Ya'll give it up for black love that has sustained! I wanted it to be a surprise but we all know that littlewoedy(mom) had to bust that up. I am holding my ground on the caterer though. I do not want to be in anyones kitchen. I want to sit around and be cute and enjoy my parents day with everyone else. Feel me.

Anyway, that's all folks. Stay Blessed!!

Oh What A Night

2008-04-24T20:19:00.004-04:00

There are few things I turn my ringer off for. Tonight the ringer goes off.

They're Baaack!!!

The best hour on TV, its about time.

Touch Me In The Morning

2008-04-22T20:32:00.005-04:00

Rosemarie tagged Me

Da Rulez!

Link the person who tagged you.
Mention the rules in your blog.
Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours.
Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them.
Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger's blogs letting them know they've been tagged.

Here goes:

1. I cannot stand when people call my home and do not say hello. Rather they say " Is such and such there?" after I say hello. This really burns me up and I correct them each time.

2. I am absolutely pertrified of all bugs. Flying , crawling , creeping, slithering it doesn't matter. The only things I want moving in my home should be human.

3. I really can sing and wish I would have done more with it.

4. Years of never going to the bathroom in public have weakened my bladder. (Is this too too much info)

5.I don't curse as much since I left my job. ( I think this is a good thing)

6. I love to hear men sing in Tenor but when they speak I prefer baritone.

I'm tagging:
Tiki
Blu
Lyre
Minerva
Littlewoedy
Superstarnic

Come Sail Away With Me

2008-04-20T23:10:00.005-04:00

My cruise was wonderful guys! Too short and I already want to go again. I decided to wear my hair in braids and that turned out to be the best choice with all the running I had to do. We sailed from San Pedro to San Diego, Catalina Island and Ensenda, Mexico. Catalina looked absolutely beautiful. I didn't quite make it too the Island ( because your gurl was partying til' the wee hours of the morning) but when I got up and looked across the ocean it filmed very well.

I sailed on Royal Carri bean, and to tell the truth the crew was on point. We didn't have to do anything but enjoy ourselves. These people were amazing. Considering they work for six to eight months straight,without a day off, I was blown away. The food was delicious and I am so sure I ate too much of it.Most of us enjoyed ourselves. Of course there is always one and that one happened to be traveling with us. It's illegal to throw anyone overboard so, being I waited much too long to take this vacation I would not allow her to steal my joy. She was just a miserable person and we avoided her like the plague.

The only complaint we had was a certain foul odor in the hallways to our rooms. Once we did it was taken care of. Again the crew was on point, Unfortunately there were no men. Okay there were men but they worked for the cruise line and could not fratonize with the guest, although we tried!. There were other men too, the ones I hung out with. But they wanted nothing to do with me or any other woman. I just don't know what it is about me. I'm a magnet.I think it's my boobies. The other men were taken, and there women had the don't even look this way stare. No problem girlfriend. oh, I forgot about the grandpa crew, one was actually sleeping during dinner. Okaaaay...So I live and I learn. Although the staff was wonderful this is not the party, SINGLE crowd I was looking for but all in all I had a blast. Pics coming soon... Thanking my God for a safe journey. Stay Blessed!

Bad Mamma Jamma

2008-04-07T18:52:00.007-04:00

I'm just praying I can get to my ship. They way these airlines are shutting down or being grounded it's damn near a crap shoot. First I had to get over my fear of cruising, because I cannot swim. But I figured if I ever wanted to get anywhere I would have fly to and/or Cruise to these beautiful places I want to see. So I'm being adventurous, but believe me I will be aware of the closes lifeboat to my room. God forbid that I need them, but your gurl will be prepared. Now, the airlines want to act a fool. I will be leaving the day before so it really shouldn't be a problem. I'm taking this much needed mini cruise. I figure if I can make it for 5 days then, the next time I will shoot for the seven, I still want to go to Ochos Rios, don't know why, I just want to go. I've been trying to plan outfits for my cruise. You guys know a sis has to coordinate. I'm excited, I'm just thinking about the weather it's really going to be hot but, I was told on the ship it can be breezy. So I am packing a little bit of everything. The only problem with this is space in the cabin. I've been told and read from previous cruisers that the space is limited. So I can't fall in the joint with nine pieces of luggage. I'm also told you can't bring an iron. What is that about? I have the cutest travel, steam iron I wanted to pack. So my plight remains, how do I get all of the outfits I want to wear including FORMAL WEAR, plus shoes and accessories into two bags? Lawwd, I don't see it, so I need you to help me.

The next dilemma is my hair. I want to wear my own because it's going to be hot, but then I quickly reminded myself how my own hair acts. I don't want to be an outcast on this cruise. Have people asking my friends, "What's up with your girls head?" Have people pointing and laughing at me. No, that would not be cool. I could go with a half wig and then at least half of my head would get some air but then I would have to fiddle with my hair at some point. Which leads me to braids.The only problems I see here are getting them done.( I have a big head yall). But I am definitely leaning this way. I think this will be the easiest and the best way to keep my Bad Mamma Jamma going.

I'm just excited so forgive my rambling on, you guys know I have tell you all about it! Stay Blessed!

You Know and I Know

2008-04-03T01:59:00.009-04:00

My post recently haven't been the most uplifting post. I know. Thank you for still coming while I went through my little funk. .... So ,I have been trying to put a spin on the energy. Looking at the bright side, knowing that my circumstances could be so much worst.So this post is about praise and song and letting God do his thing, that he has already planned.

As long as I can remember music has been the vessel that I chose to soothe my spirit. This post is titled after BeBe&Cece Winans track from their Different Lifestyles album, The words hit home for me and helped me to remember that no matter what my God has my back.

I found these gems today on You tube. The first one I was really happy to see again It's a clip from a show that aired in the 80's Called Sisters in the Name of Love. My original tape of this show was mistakenly erased.

And this is just because it's Ms. Holiday and her voice.( This is not And I am Telling You)

How can you not feel good after listening to these?

I Honestly Love You

2008-03-31T01:23:00.005-04:00

- And I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable
_ I'm not trying anything at all

I'm 41 years old. I'm trying really hard to remember my 18Th year of life. To remember that I thought that I know it all.That my shit didn't stink. And I basically remember thinking that my parents were crazy and trying to ruin my life.I try to remember that because I am now dealing with my 18 yr old nephew. I really do not have that many rules. I basically feel like you are not a baby anymore. You have to wash your own clothes and clean up after yourself because, there is no maid service here. I will cook but, try to keep up because It's not an everyday occurrence. I will help you as much as I can so long as you are doing what is necessary ( work or school) to get ahead in life. Of the "rules" respect is a major thing with me. As long as you are in my house...you guys know the rest. This is not a democracy.

I will not in anyway tolerate any type of disrespect of my home or my person. My nephew is quite a handful. He has inherited the " Wendy's Family Name" mouth. I know because I have it too. I've always had it. But, when it came to my parents, my elders; I knew I had to curb it ( or die) . My nephew has not come to an understanding on that.

Yesterday, we were at odds again and I actually had to put him out. I think that act hurt me more than him. But he has to learn to appreciate the things people do for him. I think because we spoiled him as a child, he thinks that is supposed to carry over into his adult life which,to tell the truth,it probably would have had he done the things we asked of him. But as I have explained , he wanted to be a little thug instead. So, my family does not reward bad behavior, grades etc. But he remembers the sweeter side of life, and it almost seems to me that because he is in our 'good graces' again he "expects" us to just do for him. Well that ship has sailed. I am willing to help those who help themselves.

I have not been as angry as I was yesterday in quite some time. I do not want to be in that place. Or let me say I will not be in that place. Not in my own home. At 6:30, this morning, I let the child/young man in. He was cold, hungry and hopefully humbled. I can't say I didn't worry but, this was needed.I have spoken my peace, I have prayed and now I have to let God do the rest. He knows how much I love this kid.

"

Be Ok

2008-03-27T01:34:00.009-04:00

I really didn't want this. I walked away from my previous job and got on with my life. Moved on. Didn't look back. I was trying to relax my mind for a minute and then jump back in renewed.

You want to bumble with the bee huh?

Like him... Every time I try to get out!...

Basically, I received a call from one of my former employees and it seems he has a legal problem with the company. ( A very good one I might add). He has hired an attorney and it seems that my name has come up several times. I had no idea at all that he was having this problem and when he called me ( out of the blue) I let him know that. It seems that my name has been included in all kinds of things that I had no knowledge of, nor control over. It's a case of " the shit falling in your lap" once your gone. Needless to say all of this talk of lawyers and suing has caused me to get calls from everyone. Even those who had no reason to terminate me.

( But, I don't answer those calls).

And now, I have a meeting with the president of the company.

Hmm...

"Behold, I give you authority to trample on serpents and scorpions and over all the power of the enemy and nothing shall by any means harm you" Luke 10:19

sangin'

Imma be ok
Imma be ok
I'll survive, i'll be fine, i wont cry no way
Imma be ok
Imma be ok
Dont you talk, i'll move on

Truth Is

2008-03-21T00:44:00.006-04:00

People will do anything for money. Anything. I watched a show called The Moment Of Truth.See Craziness here The premise of this show is you strap yourself to a lie detector and get asked all kinds of personal questions. The more questions you tell the truth about the more money you will receive.

The thing is they are not asking questions like, what color underwear do you have on? They ask questions like, did you cheat on your wife?. Being that you are connected to the lie detector your ass is grass whether you answer in the affirmative or not if this is the case. Of course your wife is humiliated if you tell the truth and it is true and she is humiliated if you say no and it's a lie.Her tears are broadcast for the entire nation to see. This show is sick.

Why would anyone do this? Any money that you may or may not win, will go to the lawyers for your divorce. And if you are caught lying you get no money and you now have no relationship at home either. I think couples who are already separated and have no intention of getting back together would be good candidates for this show, otherwise you'd have to crazy.

This "game" show is intended to catch someone in a lie that has devastating effects on the persons life. What's next? Are we really going to have a Running Man show? Now I know gas is damn near $4 bucks and prices are high on everything everywhere but is it really worth it in the end? To take the man or woman that you love on a show and and watch them crash and burn from your deceit. I think not. I will not be tuning into misery, that is exactly what this is about.

I don't get off on the misfortune of others. Yeah, some may think I am taking it to the extreme but that is how my mind processed this show. I have got to get back to work and fast.

Beat It

2008-03-14T01:43:00.010-04:00

I've blogged about my girlfriend who has a stepdaughter. I told you how I rarely visit because this little girl is too grown and I just can't take it. My gurl is soft hearted though. She would rather talk. OK... to each their own.

This young lady however is the type to take kindness for weakness and she has NO respect for my friend or her home whatsoever. It seems no matter what she does for this child she doesn't appreciate it. After numerous suggestions to " tear that ass up" my friend chose not to go that route. I had to respect that and her level of patience. Her theory was, this is not my child. My thinking is what exactly makes a child yours? I feel like if you are feeding, clothing, nurturing, comforting, caring for her in your home;Raising a child, this is your child. If you are doing more for this child in three years than the mother has ever done in 12, this is your child. And I feel like if you can do all this then, you can chastise this child too.Up to and including the beatdown.

I said repeatedly if you do not let her know who is in control of your home,she is going to try you.

Well she called. This 12 year old tried her. Slapped her in the face.THE FACE. And kicked her. KICKED HER. Why? Because my friend was yelling at her for not doing the dishes. Let me back up a minute here.

My friend has asked this girl to wash the dishes. That is her chore. The ONLY one she has. Of course and keep her room clean but, that is a given. I, no lie, have listened to my friend rant about this girl not doing the dishes for A full year. I swear. On this day she asked her and she didn't move. So my friend asked her. Where you never told when an adult asks you to do something you do it then, not when you feel like it? Of course her smartass said no. She then went on to backtalk and tell my friend what she isn't doing. Well that finally set my gurl off.

All I wanted to know was, did you get it on video? Please tell me you had the cam on.

She went on to tell me that she actually had to tussle with this child and the girl kicked and slapped her.

I'm telling you guys, I couldn't breathe for a moment. When I did respond though I said. " What hospital is she in?"

Now, although I am happy that my gurl finally got some backbone and beat her behind it was at the wrong time. It came from anger and frustration. Although I believe in the beatdown, there is a time for it. I also expressed that she does not want to have to battle in her home, I'm mean to where it becomes physical with a child. The stress and possible jail time involved is truly not worth it. It is possible that it has gone on for so long now that she may really hurt this child. I mean this girl is 12 . What happens at 13 and beyond? My thoughts were she has to go, being that she expressed to my friend that she wasn't her mother. I couldn't pack her shit quick enough.

Not my friend though, I called her today, just to make sure she was okay and see if she needed anything. She explained to me that the child's father "talked" to the girl and explained to her that...get this...."THE NEXT TIME IT HAPPENS, I'm gonna beat your behind too."

I'm just done.

Sail On

2008-03-11T02:08:00.004-04:00

I can tell when the devil is really trying to get the best of me. I'm not letting him though. Last week my former employers decided not to pay me my final check. Yeah, they are playing with me. But I am using every ounce of strength to rise above. To not become Wanda ( She is a damn fool). Because, they are messing with my MONEY!

Thankfully, the writing was on the wall and I planned for this. Don't get me wrong, I want my MONEY, I just don't need it right now. Anyway,long before this happened I planned my vacation so I am going on with my plans. I'm looking forward to this cruise because I need to go somewhere beautiful and relax. I know I'll have to get back to the grind soon, so this will be my chance. I found a really inexpensive flight but I'm wondering why I have to visit every airport in the country on my return flight? For $115.oo I can't complain too much huh?

I call myself working out. Being I've been told of all the pounds I will gain on the cruise. I still hate working out. Gotta do it though. Hopefully the bod will be camera ready and I can share my adventure with you all. If you don't see pics of me only locations then, you know whats up.

I kept promising myself if I ever got the time I would finish my book. Now I have all the time in the world and nothing. I only have four maybe five chapters to have a complete manuscript. So far I haven't typed a word. I know how I want to finish I just wasn't motivated to do it. But, now that I'm managing to let some of the anger go it will be better.

I'm coming back to myself. I'm not one to stay down too long anyway. That's just not me. Thank you for your prayers, they are always appreciated.

So Pissed Off

2008-03-07T03:32:00.007-05:00

Ok. It has taken me this long to come here and write this. I was terminated from my job two weeks ago. Why??? I don't know really. I know what they said I was terminated for was bullshit. I have had to fire people before. After taking the proper disciplinary actions I pull the person into my office. I tell them exactly why their relationship with the company has to end. This is not what happened in my case.

I was nitpicked until I felt like punching her in the face.Even the witness she bought with her was looking like what the hell are you doing? I finally had to ask her why are you here? WTF!!!

I was leaving anyway, I think I am so pissed because they got me before I could get them. You know, you always want to leave on your own terms. You want to be able to do your best Dominique Devereaux impersonation as you walk away. You want to be able to say in so many words " Take this job and shove it!."

I know another thing that is getting me is although I had to go through unimaginable bullshit, I did my job. I did it better than any else who has held the position. Yeah I can pop my collar on that. Because it's a fact.

So, I'm pissed yall. Trying not to let the devil get the best of me. Because right now I have some rather vengeful shit going through my mind. Being at home will do that. ( I have cleaned and rearranged enough I think).

So send up some prayers for your girl to get past this. Let it roll off. To remember that when a door closes another will open. And that this too shall pass...

My Funny Valentine

2008-02-12T18:22:00.000-05:00

Today, someone crossed my mind that I haven't thought of a while. I'm thinking it was because Valentines day is coming. We had very good Valentines. He was a very good man period, hardworking and educated with a sense of humor to boot.Although he was no Denzel, he wasn't Flav either. I met him shortly after I started dating again after my divorce. I wasn't trying to settle down.I was too young or so I thought, to be bogged down in a "relationship" again. I wanted to have fun. Not to mention he was looking for a mother for his kid and I definitely didn't want to become instant mom at that time. I wanted to tell him, I did. But if I want to be completely honest here I wasn't woman enough, yet. I thought I could play. I ended up hurting a great guy.

The next time I saw him was at my brothers wedding.He happens to be related to my sister-in-law(the world is so small!) Always a gentleman he carried on polite conversation but, gave me the look.... Ladies you know the look. The one that makes you do a double take and think in your head ( Oh, it still like that?!!!) But, I had a frog...a big frog. Probably the bigggest damn frog ever!!!!, at the time. Who I thought was my Prince Charming ,so I brushed the look off and we parted ways again.

The last time I saw him, maybe a couple of years ago now, he was a marrried man, expecting his third child and living well. Although I really hurt him all those years before, his smile was genuine when he saw me. I was happy for him, for his happiness. I felt,well forgiven for the wrong I'd done.

I was just wondering about him today; as we do when we think of the ones that got away. Praying that he is still blessed and that maybe one day I will have the opportunity to meet someone like this again.

Come to my window

2008-01-31T18:13:00.001-05:00

It's cold. I do not like cold weather. I know somebody is saying 'If it was hot you'd be wishing for this weather'. Not I. I will take a warm sunny dayover this mess anytime.However, I WILL take a freezing cold day over no day at all. You feel me. Thank you Jesus!

Anyone have any suggestions for dry skin. I mean, goodness. I have always been dry but the older I get the drier I'm getting. I'm using what I always have Nivea and baby oil but it's not working. I'm looking like I work with flour and/or white chalk all day. It's downright embarassing. Suggestions are welcome!

The other day our my office was broken into and besides the computer they also stole the phones, camera, stereo. Out of all this the thing that puzzles me most is the phone. After taking inventory of things missing this put me off the most.t. I wanted to start singing that Sesame Street song " One of these things is not like the other. I mean can you even pawn a phone?Cocaine is a helluva drug!

Does anyone else feel that CyberDrama in your life means you need a new hobbie?
How is it that you can't stand someone you have never met?For all you know this person is only like this on the internet. This may be their outlet to act a damn fool and you are buying into it.

I can hear my nephew saying "thank God she isn't here to ask me three million questions" because he has started classes. And just for that I think I will add a few more...

Me and Mrs. Jones

2008-01-23T19:53:00.000-05:00

How many times have I said I don't date married men. I never will ( knowingly) never have (knowingly).

Check this...

I dial a number it's not the correct number I say I'm sorry and hang up. Three hours laterI get a call. Asking did I call this number, I say no. Because frankly I had forgotten that I called the damn number. ( MY short term is shit). Mrs. Jones proceeds to tell me that I did call her phone because my name and number are on her caller ID. I say ok, I may have called mistakenly earlier. She proceeds to tell me how long her and Mr. Jones have been married. I'm not trying to hear all this crap. I tell her she has the wrong woman, and I'm sorry that I called and that she is having marital troubles. I hang up.

Do you know she called me again? Now I'm hot and Mrs. Jones is clearly in need of answers, counsel and meds. Strange thing is I didn't even ask for her husband.The person I asked for sounds nothing like Jamie. I explain this to her again,I also tell her that I don't have time for games or other peoples drama. She finally believed me and eventually apologized. She said " You know how it is." I felt so sorry for her when we ended the conversation because,I don't know how it is. I have been in love, mistreated, broken hearted. The whole deal. But I never blamed the other woman. I never checked my mans phone. Never resorted to confronting others.

Why are women so quick to confront the other woman, while the piece of man skates?
Why don't we put the fault where it should be? I don't understand this Shirley Brown(Woman to Woman) mentality. Did you ever really listen to the words coming out of her mouth on that song? If I had the gumption to call the other woman it would be to tell her to come get him. not trying to keep him. I know people stay in bad situations for whatever reasons. I can't knock what people decide is right for their lives. I am however thankful I have not had to compromise.

Tonight I am just praying this woman has better days ahead.

If You Leave Me Now

2008-01-18T20:42:00.001-05:00

Ok call me crazy but, twenty plus years ago I boohoooed like a babe as I watched Angie's ( Debbie Morgan) gut wrenching performance when her man died. Jessie the kid from the rough side of the tracks who turned his life around and got the girl. Recently I heard he came back as an Angel. ( Because he died). Now I hear he is coming back again. In human form. Ummm, I see dead people. Is this a dream sequence? Am I suppose to forget? This is why I stopped watching soaps they go too far. What's next? Jenny really didn't blow up on that water ski?

Maybe we can get them on All My Children too. This storyline is as good as any.

We really need those writers back.

Anniversay

2008-01-10T19:47:00.000-05:00

Six years ago when my friend Stephen a phenomenal writer by the way who truly needs to publish SOMETHING!!! , asked me if I had a blog, I didn't know what the heck he was talking about. I thought he was trying to say some undercover mess actually. But he invited me to his blog and as I read his words, I knew this was something that I wanted to do. I didn't have much to write that first day. I just knew I wanted to write. It was another outlet where I could vent. At the time I needed to vent ( which is probably why he asked if I had a blog) the things going on back then needed an audience. Either that or he was tired of having to hear my rant by his lonesome.

My crazy life was being noticed; I looked forward to coming to see who had something to say about my life. Who understood what I was going through. Who had some advice to offer. I hung in there , I made it through some crappy days. I've always kept a diary, but those are personal things. Some things I need feedback on, so this was perfect! I have run across some of the coolest, kind , sensitive, levelheaded, humorous ( nearly get me fired while reading some of you) blessed people in these six years. For those of you to the left of this post. My must reads. You guys really make my day, I am so grateful to have found you and honored to have you on my roll. Thank you for taking time out of your lives to come to the spot

Happy blogoversay to me. Here's looking to another year of good, bad , sad, joyful, uplifting, whining, venting post!

Can you stand the Rain

2008-01-05T22:49:00.000-05:00

As stated my nephew has returned to my life. He was away for three years. When he left it wasn't under the best circumstance. He was heading on a path that our family did not approve of.So rather than be in or visit my family members in jail, we asked my nephew, what could we do to change the things happening in your life right now? What would make you happy right now? Being that my family raised him he was under the impression that the grass may be greener if he went to live with his mother.Partly because, although we never approved of his mother ways; I can honestly say that we never bad mouthed her in front of him.There was a reason he was with us but sometimes people need to find out the truth themselves.

So now that he has returned, he is a little older, hopefully wiser and fully aware of why he did not live with his mother the first fifteen years of his life. I can see the change in him. I hear him in our conversations and I read into what he is not saying. I know it was rough. Many a day I wanted to go get him. I wanted to drive up there and kick his mothers ass. But still felt that he needed to understand. He needed to be grateful for the "family" he had. He needed to see the difference in being loved and wanted and just being.

My mother took his absence the hardest. Like all her children she worried about him. I think she worried more though because we knew from jump what it would be like, where he was going. Knowing her pain was the hardest thing for me to deal with. But we made it. I feel although he is only 18 he understands now, that the rules that were in place were there to protect him. I pray the trails he has gone through has strengthened him. . I pray for his safety. He has his whole life ahead of him and so much potential, I pray he realizes this.

I Think To Myself What A Wonderful World

2008-01-01T17:05:00.000-05:00

WOW!, The end of another year. I thank God for my life. As I reflect over this past year, I must say that I have no complaints. I am happy with most of the things and people in my life. My family is well, my job, although trying sometimes, I like. My nephew has returned to my life( Now 18 and seriously smelling himself). My godbaby is growing like a weed ( And speaking some language I will never understand ). I made no resolutions, I just take it day by day. I pray for continued blessings in my life. I pray for continued health and blessing for my family. I'm just happy I'm here to write this today. I thank each of you for dropping by and reading my words. I pray that each of you are well, happy and prosperous this new year. 2008, Thank you Jesus!!!!

Happy New Year!

Every Year, Every Christmas

2007-12-23T00:19:00.000-05:00

I know, I've been missing in action.It's that time of the year again. Today my sister and I finished our Christmas shopping. There was so many people. I mean dayam. I really didn't want to be out there because last minute shoppers,really tend to lose their minds.Fortunately,we weren't out too long.

My nephew will be here this year. I haven't seen him in 2 years. It will feel good to sit down and talk with him face to face. I've missed that.

You guys know I miss you as well.I hope your holiday is filled with love and laughter. I hope you smile so much that your faces hurt. I pray for your health and safety. Be Blessed people.

Have a very Merry Christmas!

My Everything

2007-12-02T22:42:00.000-05:00

I'm loving Chrisette Michelle's" Be Ok "and Mary's "Just Fine".

I spent the day with the parents yesterday. They are finally going on the cruise that we planned to send them on over a year ago. The journey we took to get them to this point has been one hell of a ride.

The first thing was getting a birth certificate for my father.That's easy enough right? Wrong, my father had been under the impression his entire life that he was born in Patterson N.J. So my sister and I sent for his birth certificate from there. Well it turns out they had no record of him.We went back to my dear father and explained that someone must have told him wrong because he was not born in Patterson. So now we had to figure out which parent told him wrong where the heck he was really born. You can find out an awful lot about someone on the internet.After finding his birth place was actually Jersey City we were elated! We received his birth certificate.

The second thing was getting a Passport. We soon found out that the passport couldn't be issued because the birth certificate was filed a year after his birth. Still him, just a year later. Go figure.Made no sense at all to me, but this was our gov't at work. Urggh!

So now they needed two other forms of proof of citizenship. Not marriage or work records. Not social security or pension records. Not Teamster membership or dues paid. A whole lifetime of memories none of that mattered. What they wanted was school records or baptismal records. Are you kidding me? Keep in mind my dad is no spring chicken. The school he attended to my surprise was still standing however the records ( over fifty years old)had been archived or destroyed. So we tried repeatedly to no avail to get some help from the people who originated the phrase " Hold Please".

Finally, in a last ditch effort to make this cruise a reality we called the church were he was baptized, some 70 years ago and the woman who answered the phone actually remembered the pastor and knew where the records were kept. Ain't God good?

We received his passport. They are already packed and just waiting to go.I told them both I want them to party like it's 1999 from the first moment they get on board until they get back.

I'm glad that we are blessed enough to be able to do this for them. I can't wait to send them off.

Let Your Hair Down

2007-11-27T18:02:00.000-05:00

Hair Trauma- Before you guys start clowning me. YES I do have hair! Long thick uncooporative hair. So I like to wear wigs and weaves. They are more manageable for me. I don't have to fight, plead and wrestle with them. Most times...

You get what you pay for. You would think as long as I have been sitting in the weave chair that I would know better. But honey, Sista Lee had a sale on the hair and I lost my mind gathering packs. I used my new cheap hair for my doo for Thanksgiving. After seeing Queen Latifah's hair on the American Music Awards, I had to have that style. Intially, my hair was the bomb! I couldn't quite get it like Queens but it was cute.

Friday - Took a shower, water hit my head. No biggie. I will just flatiron and go!

Uh oh, Houston we had a problem . Now, although Sista Lees hair said 100% human. I don't know which human it came from, because I sat there for 30 minutes with the bumpers and could not get this hair to bend or flip. So I decide to wrap it and sit under the dryer.

Saturday- Wrap didn't work, and the weekend is coming to an end and I'm looking at myself in the mirror saying what are you going to do with this hot mess?So I decide to roller set it. Lawd, why was the hair melting, sticking what the hell ever to my rollers? WTF!!! That is not supposed to happen with human hair!!!!

Saturday night- Pulled weave out head, because the disaster that was once a hairdo has gone to far to save. So now I am sporting hair that sort of looks like this...
as a matter of fact it looks exactly like this. Being I'm not going to any casting calls for the live version of the Boondocks I'm pissed and wondering what I am going to do with not only my hair( which looks like its ready for a fight) but all this hair I bought. Because you know they never take it back, no matter what the reason is. No matter if you have a receipt. The answer is always no!

Sunday- Bushy Ponytail. (Hell, I got some of it to lay down and behave. I can't push it.)

Monday-I'm still pretty hot about my bargain hair. I visit Sista Lee and let her know about my hair don't experience. I explain to her that this hair cannot possibly be human. Perhaps,its marked incorrectly. To my surprise, Lee takes the hair back. (I guess looking at my head was enough to soften her heart). Or the fact that I have put at least one of her children through college . I don't know, but I leave happy. With new hair, yay!

Tuesday- New doo, and lesson learned... again.

Stop In The Name Of Love

2007-11-20T15:35:00.000-05:00

I absolutely love this time of year! It's the time when peoples hearts are a little softer. Their smiles are genuine. They aren't as rude. I love Thanksgiving because I get to spend time with my family and friends. ( And I get extra days off) that is always a blessing. I wish we could all just slow down and enjoy it all. I have seen so many Christmas decorations and heard so many Carols you would think it was Christmas here. Forget 12 it's The 90 days of Christmas-

I appreciate Thanksgiving, and not just because of the Charlie Brown special with its cool jazz piano.

I appreciate Thanksgiving because it gives me a chance to reflect on my life. I'm am grateful to God everyday for my blessings but, on Thanksgiving I can share those blessing with my loved ones. I wish we all could just stop for a minute, and forget about stuffing ourselves with so many calorie filled entrees and just notice the love that we are surrounded with.Don't just break bread with your familyor friends but,talk with them.Tell them how much you love them. Forget about the sales for a minute ( I know some are irresistible) and think about all the things you have in your life that you are truly thankful for.

I'm not knocking on the sales or Christmas. I am crazy about the day Christ was born. But we have to , to coin a phrase "Remember the reason for this season." Enjoy each holiday. Give each one its due. Nothing is promised. But if I am fortunate enough to be here years from now, I want to be able to reflect on holidays, spent with my people and how much it meant to me.

So go have your Turkey day. Enjoy your families and your friends. Look at your football games. Eat till you (almost) bust. I'll see you at the gym. And thank God for the day.

Have Happy Thanksgiving...Be Blessed.

These Three Words

2007-11-15T17:36:00.000-05:00

These may be the three most important words in the English language. Parents say it to their children. Lovers say it to each other. Teachers say it to students. Every now and again some may even say it strangers.

Some people find it hard to say. I don't know, I think because of the way I was raised it comes so naturally for me. Whenever I feel its needed in someones life I share these words. As I watch so many wandering aimlessly through their lives I often find myself wondering if anyone ever said it to them. I feel like yelling it from the rooftops sometimes. Especially if they are young people. Just chillin' not knowing what to do with themselves. Not realizing if only someone had just mentioned it. Things might be different. If only someone cared enough about them, or set that example for them.I remember when my parents first said it to me; I was complaining as youngstas sometimes will about things I wanted. Not needed ,wanted. My father called me into the den sat me down and said. "GET A JOB".

It stung a little at first I admit. So used to having my hand out( and having it filled). But hey, it was what I needed to hear.

You want to eat...get a job
You want a house...get a job
You want a car...get a job
You want nice things..get a job

Simple huh???

Ohh Lalala

2007-11-11T19:50:00.000-05:00

Being I have been complaining, some of my girls have decided to "hook" me up. These are people who are supposed to know me, and yet they don't know me. You know?

Coworker M- decided I should met her cousin, how many times have you,people I have never met in my life read here"YOU MUST HAVE ALL YOUR TEETH???!!!" This is not an option. So dude shows up, he's dressed nice. He smells nice.Then he opens his mouth and the left side is just missing in action. Teeth just gone. And dude has adjusted to this and has trained his lip to try and cover it.So he looks sort of like looting lenny to me. And I'm waiting for him to say "Psst, can I holla at you for a minute". He was nice enough on the phone. But I couldn't get beyond the missing teeth.Are you kidding me? Keep it moving Brah, keep it moving. When I asked M had she lost her mind, she looked a little pissed. But damn, don't show me pics of your people from back in the day and present day is tore the hell up.

My girl L- Now this is what I am talking about. She is feeling me. Brotha had it going on. Currectly has a MD after his name and currently working towards adding esquire. Yes!!! I ain't saying I'm a golddigger. So we decide to meet for drinks, damn this dude boring. I mean dayaaaaaam, it was all I could do to keep from falling off the stool. When I went to the bathroom, I was ready to start a fire so they could evacuate the restaurant. Brotha had no conversation beyond his work. See, I told you I'm not a GD.

So I figured I would have to just go back to doin' me. Because my folks were obviously confused. I decided to go to the movies with Dude I met at the gas station. I need to get over "pretty boys" for real. This playa, kept trying to convince me to come back to his place. How many times do I have to say it Damn! I'm just so damn pretty ( I am) and he just didn't want the date to end. Do I have UMFUFU written on my forehead? In what lifetime would I come back to your place to talk? You couldn't possibly have anymore to say because you talked enough during the damn movie. I wished I had an eject button. His ass would have been airborne.

The struggle continues....

Fairytales

2007-11-05T21:02:00.000-05:00

While reading in the blogosphere,I was reminded by Blujewel
of the woes of the dating game. Sometimes we as women get caught up in the fairytale.Most young girls dream of a prince ( so to speak) their own personal princes' coming to sweep them off their feet.Dating becomes harder because of the fairytale. Once we believe that we have connected with a person, we look for the next level. We want to define ourselves. Who am I to you? If we believe he is our Prince, well then I must be your Princess. But because of agenda,timing, gameplay, whatever the reason sometimes we just disconnect. The reality is there are no princes, there aren't always happy endings. When we realize this we are caught off guard, because we believe in our heart of hearts that if we do all the things needed to make our relationships work then everything will be fine. How many of our girlfriends have we listened to, and how many have listened to us going over where it went wrong? Sometimes there just isn't an answer dammit. You did everything right, you just happened to be with a toad. So what do we do? We walk around with one damn glass slipper searching for the prince again because we are holding fast to the fairytale. Heartbreak is a powerful thing. No one wants to be hurt. For some it breaks not only the heart but also the spirit.We as women have to ugh...for lack of a better term "man up". We have to stop letting our hearts be our guides because the aren't always on point. Being the more sensitive sex allows us, to forgive and forget more easily, all in the name of love. Let go of the Princess and become the Queen. How powerful I am? Once you realize this you free yourself. You will not allow toxic relationships to continue because you love yourself. You will not be so desperate for companionship that we will lower your bar and settle for whatever comes your way. You will not compromise your beliefs.You will not attract a prince,with his limited power but a King, who appreciates you and all your glory. Your story will be your own. And you will smash all the fairytales and that one slipper to pieces.

I just love the man

2007-11-03T22:25:00.000-04:00

Denzel is too fine. He is getting better with age. I just spent the past two hours with him. Just he and I having our quality time. I love just watching this man walk. I'm no stalker. I say again, I am no stalker. But,I could easily become one for him. Now, I'm going to go pray on this. Stay Blessed and go see this movie. Bootleggers are running rampant!

Arthur

2007-10-30T16:10:00.000-04:00

I used to be able to dance for hours. I was< the energizer bunny. Now, I have a three dance limit. I remember power walking from parties I told my parents we had a ride home from and making my Cinderella curfew!I remember playing endless games of handball. Running a million suicides,( although I hated them and my coach for making me do them)I couldn't do one now if you paid me.Not one ache the next day. As I listen to my body snap, crackle and popping, like my name IS Rice Krispie,I recall my great-grandmother talking about Arthur.

Arthur is bold, ruthless and ageless, he doesn't introduce himself and try to get to know your likes and dislikes. He just enters your life, he doesn't ask permission to hold your hands, rub your knees, back, legs or hips. He just grabs hold and he doesn't care one bit if you like it or not. Arthur entered my life around 38, and although I've tried to leave him many times, his jealous, stalking ass won't let me be. Each time he comes back, he comes with a hard lesson he wants to teach me. When I ignore him, he becomes downright abusive, sending sharp pains my way. I swear if I could catch him slipping I would bust him in the forehead with one of my cast iron pots. He knows, and every time he gets me it's on a sneak tip.

Most days I'm fine. Something about cold weather makes him even more evil.As I am typing this, this punk is messing with me. Making my fingers tingle and numb. Making my knees throb.

I used to be able to dance for hours...

Just The Two Of Us

2007-10-21T23:16:00.000-04:00

I'm going to talk about breast so men,turn your head if you don't want to read about my woes. I've had these breast of mine for some thirty years now. I was an early bloomer, real early. I disliked my breast at first because I wanted to be like the other little girls and wear tiny little "T" straps. I couldn't. The problem was in 5th grade there were only two other girls who had developed as much as I had and we all earned the nickname "boomboom". Boys were dumb to us then, and their fascination with my breast caused me to fight them. By the time I was fifteen, I thought I would like them but large breast and basketball was causing me some problems. Other than tapping them down, I had no choices.Lord knows I should have invented the sports bra.At least been in on the prototype.
When I had finally grew into my breast. I learned to love them. But, I still don't know when they started to take on a life of their own. So to speak. I mean I've always had to deal with men staring at them,Talking to them instead of me. Fighting with them for attention is probably why I don't wear anything low cut, nor do I show much cleavage. They just ARE, and always have been.

I know I shouldn't complain beacuse women pay ( huge sums) to get what I have been blessed with but, sometimes I wonder why. Like today for instance. Now keep in mind I don't buy any cheap bras. Those just don't work for large breasted women. But this beautiful bra I had on today,ladies you know the cute sets we buy, it was sooo pretty. But this one must have been irregular. I have a mind to take it back because something is definitely wrong. I know my size and have for some time. I've been measured for goodness sakes! When I put it felt a little snug but I figured that was because it was new. By the time I got where I was going The TWO were trying to peak out from the bottom of the cup. No biggie I figured I would adjust the strap. Lawd,what did I do that for? You ever see women with that third breast thingy going on? Well I had a fourth. Of course I was too cute, to have four breast today so, I readjusted the strap. When I did that the TWO decided to really act a fool. They didn't want to stay even or inside. So there I was Four- breasted, lopsided lady. You can't get your flirt on looking like Quasimoto (hump reversed). So I decided to call it a day. The TWO are on punishment for showing out in public and I have tossed yet another beautiful bra in the don't even think about it pile.

Somewhere

2007-10-14T15:12:00.000-04:00

Rant- Michael Baisden of radio and now televsion "Baisden After Dark". Asked this question on his late night program on TVone. Do you believe that men are incapable of being monogamous? 99.999999 percent of the women in the audience said no.His response was, if women truly believe that then why are we so upset when a man cheats.One of the panelist, sorry I forget her name stated there is also something called free-will. Which I totally agree with. Am I to excuse a man for his transgression simply because of his gender. Hell NO!!!, I expect to be treated with the same respect that I give you. I expect to be honored. I expect that when a man tells me that we are in a relationship that he will do all he needs to keep that relationship strong. I expect that if he should see something else he wants to try to he will come to me and tell me so, then let me decide if I want to be involved in a threesome.9 (That would be another Hell No but tellme anyway).Everyday women are tempted, everyday we smile politely and say no thank you, I have a husband/man. Hell I even make up men. Why can't men do the same? Why can't they be content with what they have.Simply because your testosterone levels are higher? So, women with mustaches or beards cheat more than woman with no facial hair? This is not a gender flaw that is psychological. Men have been conditioned to this way of thinking. If we taught our girls the same way then, we could say that women aren't capable of being monogamous.What it really is, is BS with a capital B. I am so sick of men using this tired excuse to wreck havoc in women's lives. Why don't we try to teach our young men that its not cool to bed everyone woman who is willing. It's not cool to deceive people. STD's aren't cool, heartbreak isn't cool. Multiple baby mamas' is not cool. Soon these poor kids won't be able to date anyone, anyway because they will all be related. Why can't we try to raise young men to be chivalrous, honorable men. Why can't we instill the same values in young men, we hammer into young women?

Ok, there are some treacherous, scandalous women too. I know. Women who do not care what relationship that man is in so long as he does for her. These women sadly do not care enough about themselves to look for honorable men. They are willing, to settle for whatever because they do not have the esteem or the mindset that they are worth more. I can only pity these women and pray that they wake up.

Enough said...single me.I can't forgive and forget repeatedly.I don't have the desire or capcity to tolerate bullshit. So, single I will remain,if that's all there is.

Does anyone else find it despicable that Monopoly now comes with a ATM cash card? Do we need to dummy down our children anymore?

If I Had My Way

2007-10-10T12:57:00.000-04:00

Yesterday while I was listening to the Steve Harvey show,Chrisette Michelle-If I had my way was on . She sang this song and others live. This young woman can blow,sang, tear it up, rip it.This little sis(23) did things with her voice yesterday before 9 am than I can do all year. She did it so well, she impressed me so much with her vocal rnage and skills that I went and bought this album, sorry cd today. I only do that for Anita.If you are in the mood for a little Billie, Etta mixed with a little Aretha, Gladys and a heap of new school do yourself a favor.
Now you know this woman does not disappoint. Oh, by the way, in you are in NY she is playing Ms. Sophia, Sophia( such a pretty name) in the Color Purple on Broadway. Now her single Angel is very good. But Disrespectful w/MJB and Back in the day are on fire!...

I love music. You guys must know this by now. I love to hear talented people doing their thing. I don't care which genre you fall under as long as you are good. I've been dancing all morning. I better get some work done. Stay blessed!

Let It Be

2007-10-08T05:17:00.000-04:00

So often I find myself at a crossroads, thankfully most times I have chosen the best path. I've never claimed to be a christian, but I do believe in God and I know many a day that he watches over me.I know most times I call on him, when things go wrong. But I'm not alone there. Today I want to thank him for the good things in my life, for the smile on my face.For patience. For sunshine. My family, my friends and yes even my job. LOL.. I want to thank God for my life. For carrying me and cradling me. For testing me, then giving me the answers. He knows all my flaws and he still loves me.I just wanted you guys to know I'm feeling blessed. Hope you are as well.

Party Up

2007-09-30T23:51:00.000-04:00

Certain things just come naturally for me. People do things for me I say thank you, when I ask for things I say please. When I walk into a room full of people I speak. I say good morning/evening.Often you will find a smile on my face. That's just me, I'm not a frowner. I don't cause trouble, I'm not "catty". I don't buy into drama. I think I treat people fairly.

So anyway, the whole point of this post was to get off some steam because I was threatened with bodily harm this week and called a nigger.( Yes, to my face) Here I am doing my job and I have to put up with this. Okay, I know people can get heated when faced with certain situations. I understand that. But don't shoot the messenger. Especially when the messenger is me Me, who has been nothing but fair to you. Me,who has sat down and counseled you. Me,who has warned you numerous times. Me, who although I have never shown it, will become a damn fool and show you all kinds of ghetto if you put your hands on me. It was almost like an outer body experience for me. I'm not used to this shit,yeah I know some of these Caucasians I deal with may think it. They may even say it when I leave. But to say it tomy face? Then tell me that you will kick my ass? I felt like I was in a ROOTS episode.WTF??? All this southern hospitality is getting the best of me. I swear it took everything in me not to react.

In my line of work I come across so many different types of people.I don't give into the preconcieved notions some have. I give everyone a chance because I truly believe it's not where you have been but, where you are going, I only ask my people to challenge themselves. Most times, I am recieved warmly. But then there are those who just don't want anything more. They are content to stay where they are because it is all they have known. It kills me when they say," Well this is the ghetto." So many believe that because of their economic situation certain behavior is tolerated. Or even expected. Sometimes I just want to scream like Larry Fishburne at the end of School Daze, WAKE UP! Damn, it's 2007.

We didn't go to blows. Although it really seemed like she wanted to. I refused to go there. I refused to stoop to that level, not there on my job. Hell Naaaaw. All that talk and she never passed a lick. I think because my non-reaction to her words and behavior, really left her clueless. I remained the professional. But, I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that I was thinking..@5 p.m.'Meet me outside, Meet me outside, Meet me outside'!

Get To This

2007-08-27T21:37:00.000-04:00

No more blogger at work.No more anything. I'm surprised I can get the Yellow Pages. As if I have time when I come home and read all the blogs I do.Man, why is it that many have to suffer because of the few? Why can't they just cut the fool off who downloaded the internet porn. How out of control are you that you can't stay away from porn at work? It's creepy.What is really going on in your life? And why isn't he fired anyway? He was given a final warning. That is bullshit. Let me try that. Let me get on Ebay for a couple of hours and management will make a special trip to escort my ass off the premises.

I'm in love with this guy. Big Mike from Making the Band 4. He made the band. I've liked him from the start. Not because he is from Gaffney N.C. I could care less. It might as well be Nutbush. I like Mike because the dude can blow. He never gave up although Diddy was riding him hard about the weight. Dude lost 50 pounds. He did the damn thing. Diddy didn't pick Bryan H. though, I think it was out of spite. He made the boy cut his hair ( locs that he was growing for 4 years) and then still cut him.This guy could sing too. I liked this season more than the others.

Did anyone hear Nephew Tommy on the Steve Harvey Morning Show today? He called this woman pretending to be a store security guard asking her to come in because she is suspected of stealing. I damn near wrecked my car, I was laughing so hard. This dude is funny. Please tune in if you haven't.

My doctor gave me good news..SEE...I told y'all the DEVIL IS A LIAR!!!

I have a two day budget meeting.Yes,I'm packing again...ughhhhhhhh!

Do You

2007-08-21T14:20:00.000-04:00

I do not like potlucks at work. This time someone came up with the bright idea to include clients. As I look at the spread, I am associating dishes with people for instance Catwoman (hmm..three kitties) bought a spinach dip.She has enough cat hair on her chair to make a sweater.( I've seen pictures of her cat walking walking on her counters)...I'm good, thanks. Then there is Chatty-Patty whom I am sure cannot pay attention to details long enough to make this whatever this is. It's supposed to be potato salad...I don't think so. She put apples in it too?...Yum. Did you think that up yourself? I want to smack her for this one. Youngsta(26),bought meatballs, they are floating in oil. I don't think missy drained them . I mean I like her and all but, uh there is no way in hell that I am going to eat those greasy meatballs. One client bought cabbage, Ms.Nasty, I have this motto,If you don't wash your ass...need I say anymore? Another made a cake. It really does look good, but no.Another made baked-beans and even if I did eat them I wouldn't today because I know they may not all be beans. I bought paper products and drinks because I know some people feel like I do. I just cannot eat every ones food.It's nothing personal. My stomach is not made of cast iron and somethings are not meant for me to ingest.. Mr. Comedian bought chips,thank God! Wait is that Bojangles??? I will take my chances with that.

You Got Me

2007-08-19T13:49:00.000-04:00

I know, I have been commenting on blogs sporadically please forgive me I have a lot going on this month.Since taking this position 8 months ago I have been enlightened on a few things. I really undercut myself on the pay, but if you don't know, you don't.I will take that blame for not doing my homework. There were 4 people in this position in the last year. Hmm,things that make you say WTF? Can everyone be wrong?
No they can't. I understand why the ran away screaming. But on other days when a client stops in and says something to brighten my day. It seems worth it. Wendy loves the kids. Anyway, never the quitter I am hangin'in.

In other news...I have blogged about the relationship my brother and I had for most of our lives. I contribute it now to the fact that we are both stubborn and spoiled. But last week my brother confided in me some things he wanted his big sisters opinion on. It touched me. All this time, I thought the boy needed meds. Turns out,he doesn't. Ain't God good?

I got some bad news from the doctor last week. For a very short while I was down. But baby I'm back!. So I am saying and TYPING aloud. THE DEVIL IS A LIAR! I have things to do.

Can R please stop releasing gospel songs around his court dates? If he was stepping in the name of God he wouldn't have these problems.Nuff said...

The Look Of Love

2007-08-05T11:34:00.000-04:00

I pride myself on being able to come out of awkward situations unscathed, but recently I was hit with a doosie and now I'm feeling a little bad about it. Z and I are cool. He is a constant flirt but married so I cannot go there. But he gets plenty of attention from the ladies because he is attractive as well. He claims to have never cheated in his marriage and hell all I can do is take him at his word.

Whenever we are speaking of some of the women we know and I say she is pretty, or cute he ALWAYS has a negative comment. Like "She has a nice face but she fat, or she has a bangin bod, but her face is tore the hell up" Being that bruh always has something to say I thought for sure that his wife must look like a super model.

Well, I saw his wife the other day in pictures. The wild thing is his boy just just threw them down like PlADOW!!! I think for shock effect because he wanted to see my reaction. He's sneaky like that. Anyway, thankfully I was on a call so I wasn't hit full blast with it. You know how people will avoid calling ugly babies cute? They start talking about how fat they are, or the outfit the child has on. Well, I couldn't even do that. I mean it was all I could do to hold a straight face. I couldn't bring myself to comment about anything.Everything was jacked up!It would have been crazy as hell for me to say that is a nice hairdo.I mean damn the only thing missing from ol' gurl was a bearskin and a club. I'm sorry. After the shock wore off, I managed to comment on the background. I don't really think he sees her how she is. I mean I KNOW love is blind but I wanted to shout "Z, don't ever, ever, evereverevereverrrr, call another woman fat or ugly!" After he left us all sitting there looking either shocked, bewildered or amazed, I kinda felt bad for him.No one wanted to say anything but you could see " What the hell was that, or are we being punk'd?" in all our faces. Finally, Mr. Comedian in our group said, "Those were some nice shoes she had on.We laughed until, we had to race to the bathroom. Normally, I wouldn't but the way ol' boy talks about other women. He brought it on himself.

Come Sunday

2007-07-29T21:33:00.000-04:00

Thank God for Sunday. I see why the lord chose this day to rest. I had an eventful weekend. It was my plan to come here pack and chill but my brother had other plans for me. My brother is the type of person that will not ever go to the doctor. In his defense he is in pretty good health. An athletic type.He rarely ever gets sick. ( I contribute that to the three sixes on his scalp)Seriously, he takes care of himself. So for him to say " I need to go to the hospital" The pain had to be unbearable. He has been getting these spasms in his leg, buttocks and back recently. Of course he tried to diagnose himself,.WebMDis not for everyone. I told him "Your just old man, you can't do what you could when you where 18".He wasn't too happy with that statement. So, yesterday we spent the day in the emergency room. He is okay now. I think it scared him enough that he will follow up with his doctor.

My sister called and told me that she has been promoted to director of her entire department. I am sooooooooooo proud of her!

I spent the day with my parents. I love watching them interact with one another.They give me hope that true love is still alive.They have been married for 49 years and when they look at each other you can still see they love they have for one another in their eyes. You can feel it.

I didn't get any packing done. But I did manage to find a few sundresses ( on sale of course) being that summer is almost over. Just what I needed more clothes. Now I'm going to take the longest bubble bath known to mankind ( I love bubbles!) not as much as the fish in the tank in Finding Nemo. But real close. I'm rockin' Gerald Levert's In My Songs CD DJ Don't is playing again.I love that cut! I'm Feeling Blessed. Thank you Father for Sunday.

You Know What's Up

2007-07-29T02:03:00.000-04:00

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have high extroversion.
You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.
You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.
Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!"

Conscientiousness:

You have medium conscientiousness.
You're generally good at balancing work and play.
When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.
But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.

Agreeableness:

You have medium agreeableness.
You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.

Neuroticism:

You have low neuroticism.
You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.
Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.
Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is medium.
You are generally broad minded when it come to new things.
But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it.
You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

The Five Factor Personality Test

Every once and awhile I take these test and the results are so accurate it's creepy

Just Because

2007-07-26T17:56:00.000-04:00

I got this one fromRosemarie and I promise I won't tag anyone.But, you can participate if you like.

Pick a singer/band and answer only using song titles:

My choice : Anita Baker

Are you male or female: You're the Best Thing Yet)Female, Of course!

I broke the rules for this one...I know.

Describe yourself:Priceless

Your best piece of advice: Ain't no need to worry

Describe your current relationship: Been So Long

Describe your last relationship: Wrong Man

Describe your last crush: Baby

Say something to someone you have a crush on:You Bring Me Joy

Say something to an ex: Sometimes I wonder why

Say something to someone who hurt you severely: Watch Your Step

How do you feel right now: Good Enough

Me, Myself and I

2007-07-24T13:30:00.000-04:00

Wow!! I've come up in the world because I have finally been tagged!LOL I have to post the rules so here goes...

1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.

2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.

4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
HERE GO'S!

1) I like to sing and go to Karaoke often.

2)I have written 2 novels and I'm currently working on my third.Hopefully, I will publish at least one of them this year.

3)I hate thongs!

4)I am terrified of bugs, rodents, basically anything that moves that isn't human( and some of them!).

5)As a teenager I watched my brother and sister while my parents worked. Once when I was supposed to be watching them, my sister was climbing a fence and I was running my mouth.She scratched her face on one of the sharp ends at the top of the fence,leaving a scar. I told my mother the cat did it.( that poor kitty) Thank God she couldn't really talk. It was years before I told my mom how she really got that scar. Sorry sis!.

6) I always wanted children, but never had any.

7) I read at least four books a month.

8) I have a secret crush on Anthony Anderson ( Tell anyone and i will deny, deny, deny!)

Tiki tagged me so, Now I am tagging you guys!

Rosemarie
Lyre
jenell
Shedeep
Nikki
Blu
tanyetta
work

It's my house

2007-07-19T18:20:00.000-04:00

Lawd , am I destined to be single forever?! My co-worker said that there were certain things his wife wasn't allowed to do. He had the craziest list ever. Okay, I know that a wife should submit to her husband. And the husband should be the head of the household, but some take it too far. They forget the part about honoring their wives.So what happens when your husband is a control freak? What happens when his elevator stops going to the top floor? Of course you love him and you know you should get help for him right? i mean how long do you put up with his crazy rules? Until you feel just as much a child as one of your children.

Now when you meet me and you let me know that you are cuckoo for cocoa puffs from day one; I have no one to blame but myself. So as the years progress and your ass gets crazier and crazier I did have some prior knowledge that it was bound to happen. But if you flip...Well....

She cannot hang out past 10 but, he can. She can't wear a wig, braids or a weave. Two she cannot wear make-up. She can't handle the money. Even her money.Not because she is careless or unable to handle finances. But because he is the MAN of the house ( this would mean skid marks for sure for me) Back to the hair, what if I get a new cut and decide its not as cute as my beautician led me to believe? What if my hair falls out?Do I have to sport a baldie? What if I break out in some crazy rash and need a little MAC to make it through the day? I mean I'm not a make-up person, but if I get a crazy looking blemish on my face you better believe it's a CoverGirl day!

Just so I understand, are you giving me an allowance from the money I worked all week to make? You must be out of your mind.

He has a damn cell phone and she doesn't have the number to it. WTF? So I'm just wondering why my husband would need a phone and I didn't have the number? So I asked. This dude had the nerve to tell me. His wife allows him to be a man, his exact words were. " She knows her role and I know mine, she allows me to be the man I am." Of course, I don't know what the heck I was thinking. That's exactly why I need to keep my mind out of the gutter.

Now ,if you can accept this and it's working for you. God bless you. All I am saying is I see problems for me.

Let's Get Serious

2007-07-14T12:22:00.000-04:00

Most of the time, when people say foolish things to me I can ignore them. As a woman I've had to put up with the various ways men approach you. Some have come off smooth like Billy Dee in 'Lady Sings The Blues'and others like Billy Dumb.I've adapted to most situations. Those of you who read this blog know nothing burns my nerves up more than a mature man trying to recapture his youth. Return of the Mack, is his theme song.I think it's ridiculous to see young men with their pants hanging off their asses and hats cocked to the side. So if you are over 25 you really look like a fool to me. I have a friend who is 38 and he does not own a pair of dress shoes.He only wears sneakers. He is my homeboy but damn, come on man. Thank God he has his own business. I was caught off guard yesterday by this phrase. What it Do Ma?
I blame Jaime Foxx for this new mess, remember in the movie 'Ray' when he said "I'm gonna let it do what it do"? Being a creative people we just shortened it. But I have heard this phrase used at the middle and end of conversations. So frankly, I was lost. How do you respond to this? The only thing that made it worst was the fact that it was coming out of a mans mouth in his forties. For a moment, I just looked at him. In mind I was saying " Brotha, let it go please". Finally, I managed a smile and a hello and kept it moving.

Finally Made Me Happy

2007-07-09T09:38:00.000-04:00

Charm School-

I know it was a reality show. The entire point of the show was to give these young ladies who really " showed their asses" on Flavor of Love a chance to redeem themselves. The thing I couldn't understand from the beginning was why the girls who seemed to halfway get it were cast off quicker than bras at a 'Girls gone wild' audition. Then I had to think..ratings...let the drama filled young ladies stay. Yesterday was the reunion show, and I really can't say this was a script. But I know this young lady named Larissa reminds me of the young women I come across everyday. This child was just angry at the world, conniving, vindictive,and hateful. She had no respect for anyone there, she has no respect for herself.

Sadly, Monique's final statement will be true. Someday she is going to run up on someone who thinks that the world is against them too, and they are not going to back down.

Last night during the reunion show she cursed at Mo. Well, Mo rose up on her. ( Later she would say it was her motherly instinct)But we know what it was. After she tried to help this chick, how dare she? My mothers instinct had I had the nerve to speak to her that way would have been to knock my ass out. However, I applaud Mo for not going that route. For rising above that situation on national T.V., even if it was warranted.The young womans's mother came to her rescue, but it may have been a little late for that. She should have gotten to this child maybe around 6 months. Got her in line then and perhaps she wouldn't be the way she is now. Perhaps if someone had loved on this child she wouldn't think the world was against her now, or owes her something.
So no, Mo didn't lay the sister flat. Like she wanted too. She said..." yeah we could have thrown the hands, then I would have stood you up and hugged you. I don't want to go there because I love you sister" No doubt more than this sister loves herself.

Breathless

2007-07-08T15:43:00.000-04:00

The way that man smiles at me, and kisses my feet after polishing them. It makes me tingle all over.

Okay, I'm kidding. But a woman can dream can't she? As you all know I have been trying to incorporate more activity into my life. Today's exercise was the dreaded car wash. Usually I let Autobell do the job, but I thought why not? I got my bucket and my sponges and began the process, I lathered the car up, reaching as far in the middle as I could without a ladder and washing down. Soap was everywhere. After giving the tires a good scrubbing I went for the hose. Feeling rather proud of myself I might add.

I rinsed my baby off and I could almost hear her saying thank you."Thank you kind woman". You're welcome, I said. "I think I will continue to start up for you now" . I told her that I was sorry that I had been so slack and we were having a good time. The sun was beating but I was determined. I went to get a cool drink and the other cloth so I could put on the wax and I noticed from the window that my baby was still looking a hot ass mess. I mean she was clean in SPOTS. Being white, you could really see the places that I missed. So I lathered her up again and concentrated on the parts that I missed. Turns out there were many so, I just decided to start from the top again. After rinsing her again, she looked better but I was tired. I promised her that I would not let her get that dirty again and that we could go by her favorite Autobell tomorrow for the wax and tires. Because , I was a little breathless by now and sweating to death. She seemed to agree and told me to go into the cool house, shower and lay down before I fell out. I didn't argue. Don't know why I picked the hottest day of the year to pull this stunt.I'm damn near two shades darker but, at least I got my exercise on!...

Again

2007-07-01T00:53:00.000-04:00

How many times did you want a do-over? I know I wished for one after my disastrous marriage. I wanted one for my last year of college. I wanted one last week just after my boss called. BUT, if we honestly were given the chance to change a few things in our lives would we? Keep in mind that changing those things would possible change the outcome of your life now.Surely, I could have chosen to listen to my parents, his parents and damn near everyone that knew us and not married my ex. But going through what I did, helped me establish an independence I didn't have before. I learned to rely on myself. Sure, not finishing my last year was devastating, but by taking the jobs that I did broadend my horizons and put me in contact with many wonderful people that I may never have crossed paths with, had I graduated and taken a position within my major.When things go badly we kick ourselves and wonder why we didn't chose the other path.Not understanding that door closed for a reason. That path was blocked for a reason. You weren't given that option for a reason. The things that I have gone through, and done were already planned for me. You've heard people say God knows...He really does. You may not know why, at the time when you are in the storm,you want a do over.I understand I had to have a little rain in my life, so that I can appreciate the sunshine although I will happily admit that there by the grace of God has been more sunny than rainy days. But, I needed the push, I needed the pain, I needed patience, the shelter and the comfort. I needed to struggle, I needed to hold on. I needed to let go. I needed the love, I needed the friendship, I needed to know I was needed. I needed the frustration, I needed to hear no. I needed to hear yes.I needed to cry. I needed to laugh. I needed to learn. I needed to live. I needed to lie. I needed to tell the truth and shame the devil. But most of all I needed my past to mold me into who I am today,the woman I see in the mirror has made me proud because she has come a long way baby... and I 'wouldn't take nothing for my journey now'.

Nothing Compares to You

2007-06-30T23:40:00.001-04:00

This was an unbelievable performance.I just had to post it for those of you who didn't get the chance to witness these two remarkable women doing the damn thing to death! Bravo ladies!

Rainy Days and Mondays

2007-06-25T17:55:00.000-04:00

My electricity went out sometime during the night so I was already late when the sun peeked through my window and tapped me on the shoulder. Usually the sun is not up,so I knew it was Very late. I wrapped my hair up last night, but when I noticed my scarf on the pillow next to mine, I was already dreading looking at the hair don't I produced in my slumber. One side of my head- the right- the right side of my hair is beautiful it behaves, it doesn't fight back. It listens. But the left, man. if it were a child I would have to send it away. It's special. Although, it did act right for a little while after I put my second relaxer in. Thank you Tiki for the suggestion of Profectiv. I will no longer use anything else! But you have to stand guard over the left side. You can't give it the benefit of the doubt, because it will act a fool. So by the time I reached my mirror it was already laughing and pointing at me, while my right side sadly shook it's head. The right side looked like the woman on the box, while the left was doing some sort of impression of the Statue of Liberty' Crown. Aagh! 20 more minutes, flat ironing...speaking of ironing. For years my mother has always ironed all of her clothes. I do mean all. Even sheets, but that is for another blog. She has a lot of time on her hands. But she always has at least a week worth of clothes ready.She always warns that I should do the same. But my hard head irons on an 'as needed' basis. Something told me to iron last night. But it was raining and Denzel was on my screen so I let laziness get the best of me. With no power, I had to come up with a wrinkle free outfit quick.So I am trying to look in my walk in with a damn flash light for a pair of pants that I may have ironed. NO SUCH LUCK!!This living in two places sucks!!! My dry cleaning is in Raleigh...So I'm left to wear a dress, which I didn't want to wear because now I have to buy pantyhose..shit. And where are my shoes?...in Raleigh of course. Not to mention the ash monster has really taken a hold of me and all of my lotionsand oils are in Raleigh too. So, I grab the Vaseline Don't trip y'all know your mother used to grease you down and put those knee socks on. So, here I am going into CVS with 1)a frown because I'm Late as hell and i hate being late. 2) Bad Hair 3)A floral dress with greasy, shiny legs 4)a pant shoe, sort of like a penny loafer 5 ) my dress does not have one patch of brown and my shoes are brown. I know the clerk was thinking, where is the fool going?...Lawd is it Monday!

Do You Love What You Feel?

2007-06-20T17:55:00.000-04:00

I started working out today. I tried walking but it's too hot even at 7p.m.. So I thought hey, why not go to the gym? So I'm hyped, I have my work out gear, my Ipod and my determined spirit. I hit the gym. The treadmill was tempting but the stair climber was what I decided to try today. I set the timer for 15 minutes because I didn't want to over do it. Hmph... Reality check..

After two minutes I caught a cramp. Yes, I stretched beforehand. I stopped and it went away. I started again, it cramped again. The devil...trying to keep me from getting my workout on. Well, not to be deterred I decided that I would walk it out.I mean does anyone walk stairs for 15 minutes anyway? I need a flat surface. So as I was getting off...the young lady to my right said "You shouldn't stop, you should work the cramp out". What?? Mind you my leg feels like it will be in the shape of a pretzel if I don't stop. I said "I don't think so, I think I may have aimed too high today". Then she went into the everyone cramps at first spiel all this while still climbing and I believe her stair climber read 40 something flights. She was not winded or tired. No cramps and sis looked like she didn't have an ounce of fat on her, so to onlookers we probably looked like the number 10.But sis was really trying to be helpful, and she reset my resistance levels and I managed to walk a little longer..still not 15 minutes but I made it to 11. Maybe tomorrow I will get to twelve. She made this statement as she left "Don't worry, after awhile you are going to love it"...of course, of course!

Crazy

2007-06-19T21:38:00.000-04:00

Thoughts...

I took one day. One. Uno. I come back to a damn pyscho ward. I don't understand. Why do I have to be here to make sure that you do what you are supposed to?

I took my braids out, then I had the bright idea that I could relax my hair myself... now I have an afro-perm. Normally I would fix this with a wig or weave but it's too damn hot!

I need to get my car serviced. I'm sure tick, clank, tick, clank is not normal.

My sis came back with us...I wish I were in Charlotte with her.

I'm searching for a fruit I can tolerate. So far a I hate apples, oranges, plums, nectarines, peaches and grapes.

I've lost 2lbs and I am mad as hell...

Although I wanted Larissa to get kicked off Charm School it was much more interesting with her on the show...

My manicure didn't even last a week???? Not going to her again.
And now that I think about it, she didn't want to give me those cute little slippers after my pedicure. She actually wanted me to walk over to the drying area barefoot...Yeah, she definitely gets the boot.

LOVELY DAY

2007-06-17T20:59:00.000-04:00

Happy Fathers day!

Now that that's out of the way. It's the most wonderful day of the year. My birthday. The kid is 41 and holding...I had a good time. I went to Philly to see my sister, Mario Andretti the 2nd drove. ( that would be my brother) Of course he had to drive the whole way because no one can drive better or faster. A few times I had to let him know that I wanted to see 42.

I was happy to see my sister. I miss her face.After getting the necessities ( Cheesesteaks and Cream soda) we caught up for a bit. My sisters soon to be ex roomate was there too. He happens to be flamin' and watching my brother try to cope was hilarious.

We decided to go to Atlantic City, because I had never been. I lost, but I still had a good time. Of course they walked me to death again and If I never see another boardwalk again, it will be too soon.

Now that I'm home I'm bored and ready to go back. I found a roundtrip flight for 159...Hmmm...

Sometimes I Wonder Why

2007-06-11T04:01:00.000-04:00

Yeah, this will be one of those rare occasions when I talk about my love life. I'm picky when it comes to the men I date. I am for a reason. I have zero tolerance for for bullshit.I'm open and honest from the beginning. I expect you to be too. I'm becoming unforgiving. ( Miss a step today, you'll be frying fish tomorrow)I say becoming because I think of the crap I've put up with in the past that just won't fly with me now. Thank God for lessons learned.Thank God for wisdom and growth. So I take my time, I try to choose wisely;But, my God has a sense of humor and what he sends my way sometimes...
I've been seeing this man for a minute. He has all of the qualities that rank high on my list.( Employed, educated,drama/babymama free,sense of humor and a smile that makes me melt) We really enjoy each others company.Even when we disagree,it done with respect. Doesn't this sound great? Of course it does. But there is always something. One thing, that monkey wrench. His monkey wrench is his family.Whom seem to think he is their chauffeur, moving company, babysitter, bank,and grocery store. He cannot say no. Ever.Ever, ever. I mean I love my family too and there is nothing in this world that I wouldn't do for them. But,my family wouldn't pimp me like this.This irritates the hell out of me and although this guy could be the one for me. I have to let go because I see the handwriting on the wall and I don't want to be the one to make him choose. I don't want to be that evil, hateful woman( insert expletive,here) who takes his time away from them.

Pure Gold

2007-06-04T04:01:00.000-04:00

The other day I watched child protective services remove three children from a home that the mother is going to lose next week. Child abuse...the mother had no electricity, gas or water. For nearly two months.The children were sickly. It saddened me because I tried very hard to get her to understand how precious her children should be to her. What she had was a jones...not what you are thinking. She had it for a man. A no good man. He has her nose wide open and to her he is it. the end all be all. No matter what you have to say. Although he is the father of her children he made no effort to support them. He did however stay in the house; playing video games and no doubt drugging and living off her stamps and 236 a month. In my many conversations with her I expressed concern that she was choosing this man over a children. This felon, who had no intention of helping her or her children rise above their circumstances. No intention of standing up and being a role model for his three sons.No intention of marrying her. But she... just loved that man. This poor excuse for a man had convinced her that she didn't deserve any better. That her children didn't deserve any better. At 24 how is life this bleak?

I know people go through trials. I have been through some, who hasn't? But I NEVER stopped loving myself. I haven't been so disillusioned with life that I gave up. Perhaps that's because I'm an optimist. Perhaps it's because I was brought up in a household that nurtured my spirit and built my esteem. Perhaps it's because I believe God IS...and all things are possible through him.

So this young woman was on my mind.Wondering how or, what I could have done differently or said. I pray for her babies.

Easy Being Green

2007-05-25T14:17:00.000-04:00

- "I'm green and I guess that's just the way I'm supposed to be."

How many strong,beautiful women do you know who are overweight? ThoseFAT( yes I said it,with an F. I'm one of them so I can call it what it is) women that have told society that what they think is a healthy weight for them is bullshit. Gorgeous ladies doing the damn thing. I know a few. But, until I read my doctors chart ( being nosey)...Don't get me wrong I'm 5'2". I knew I needed to shed a few pounds but according to height/weight ratio, I am OBESE. I rationalized that people carry weight differently, and there is no way on earth( even on the best crack you can get a receipt for) that I will get to 110-131(MAX) range.After seeing those words Obeseblah,blah,blah, obese blah,blah,blah obese...I told myself well then dammit that's what I'm supposed to be. I became frustrated with the whole damn process,why should I do this to myself? So I'm not a 7 so what? I'm not a 20 either. Damn you Lean Cuisine!!! I want a pizza, I want Breyers Mint Chocolate chip and Chip Ahoy cookies. I want a Pepsi! With all the caffiene allowed by law...
Obese...Ha!, I started thinking these people are crazy, and trying to make me crazy too...I had given up. Then I thought of the Big, Beautiful ladies that I know. And these sisters are fine,accomplished, fierce women, and they seem truly content in life and love.They can dress their big asses off and the confidence these sisters have is admirable. Then I thought of my breathing lately when I have to walk one step further than my car door. I thought of all the different sizes that hang in my closet. I thought of the heart disease and cancer that is in my immediate family and realized that although it may be easy. I can't be green.

Lean Cuisine's Tucson chicken is actually pretty good and so was the cup of Breyers instead of the bowl.