Free

I cut my hair off 9 months ago. I have to say it is one of the best things I've ever done for myself. I can't explain to you how I feel except by saying free. No one held a gun to me and forced me to get the creamy crack and if that is your voice ,I understand.

I'm just saying my experience has been on of complete joy.My journey in the beginning was frustrating because I  ihad no idea what I was doing. I thiought I'd do my big chop and curls would magically appear. I thought soon after I'd have long flowing locs cascading from my head. I knew nothing of curl patterns or hair types. All I knew was that I was done with relaxers. There have been trials and missteps and what the hells? But I've come pretty far. The renewed confidence I feel in knowing no matter what I rock it's fierce,even my missteps. That just gives me freedom,freedom to rock my God given locs and not be ashamed embarrassed or anything else but me. I'm finally free. Thank God...I'm free

Scream

Ok I have lost some weight. Cool right. Now I am dealing with sagging skin. I feel like a marshmallow. A brown, squishy, marshmallow.Now I have to  do exercises to tighten but,  not get too bulky. So I won't look like a large Michelon tire baby.  At least when I was bigger I was firm. I didn't have all this jingling baby going on. I'M DOING THE WORK MAN!!!, but it is so hard. I knew going in that the process would be long and tough and some days I feel like. ...Forget it. I have to be honest. I feel like running out and buying a carton of butter pecan and eating the whole thing. Dairy Queen has been blowing my tv screen up! Them and every restaurant has a meal special with some delicious looking entree dancing across my screen.I rationalize it in my mind at the time that everyone is not supposed to be thin. Then I come back to myself , because I am not trying to be thin. I am trying to be healthy. I am trying dance,  and walk a flight of stairs without feeling winded. I want to be comfortable in my clothes, not pulling and snatching. Whatever size that is.

With weight loss the fat that was on your body also begins to shift. So when I put my clothes on, I'm like what the hell? I'm not hating on anyone, you should feel comfortable in the skin you are in. No matter the size, but right  is right and wrong is just... wrong.  I am also losing the weight unevenly and one of these things is not like the other!!! Who the hell does this!!! My mother used to tell me .." Only you Wendy" How true these words seem. I talk to others who are on a weight lost journey and I have yet to hear anyone else complain of this. My feet lost weight!!! Yeah, that is EXACTLY where I needed to lose.Maybe I will resort to wearing coverups. Until this body decides to compromise with me.

I also have had  the most tiring week, trying to explain my position on the Trayvon Martin case and verdict to those who are unwilling or unable to understand my frustration. I'm at the point now where I realize that I am beating a dead horse and I am no longer trying to have a logical conversation with these people. It's hard to believe that some people that I have known  for most of my life are so bigoted and narrow-minded. I had some inkling that they were during the Obama campaign. This case has definitely drawn the line on their position and sadly, I understand even more just how divided this country is.

I've ranted enough...Be blessed peeps!!!

Beautifully Human

As far as "reality" shows go I find TI and Tiny's show to be very positive. There was however one problem child. Shicanna- Tinys hairstylist, she seemed to have no ability to behave professionally, so Tiny suggested they go to an etiquette class. The one standout, powerful point for me was when she was addressing the B word and said her mother had been calling her a bitch since she was four so it didn't phase her.

It didn't phase her. Wow, wow.Wow!!!! You guys know I have very SERIOUS problems with the B word. I don't like it. I don't appreciate it and I don't care what kind of way you try to twist it into a term of endearment, It's a derogatory word, that I don't tolerate. When that word comes out of your mouth to me, I am your enemy. That's how I feel. This woman said that she had been called such since she was 4. Can you imagine how a child feels being called this? A baby. What the hell is wrong in your sick mind that you would look at a child that you carried  in your womb and think that is okay? The saddest part for me is that even at her age she didn't realize that it did phase her. IT DID PHASE HER!!!!. She carried the stigma of Bitch practically her whole life. At some point she had to know that the definition of the word is a female dog, My mother is calling me a dog, my mother thinks I am no better than a dog. How am I to think any more of myself? How am I  to learn to behave in a professional setting and use tact and decorum when I have been led to believe that I am nothing more than a BITCH?How do you process this as a child? I can't process it as an adult.

I immediately understood why she behaved the way she did. I knew this was all she knew and although her behavior was/is obnoxious and over the top, I realized that her bad behavior was a defense mechanism that she had built over the years, she's had to be on defense since she was 4. Her mother was a women in need of counsel and she had probably only done to her child what was done to her. I have heard people call their kids little bastards and muthas and thank GOD for the household that I grew up in. Don't get me wrong, we got cursed out, but not belittled, it wasn't personalized. It was the collective, foot in your asses and smacking the hell out of you type thing. People don't realize they are in charge of molding lives. They were given this blessing from God and they continue to drop the ball.  I pray for this young woman. I pray that she realizes that she can change the pattern, she doesn't have to keep this mentality. She is a beautiful woman, plenty of sass. She just doesn't know and when you don't know how can you do better?  Perhaps, she will see the episode and begin to understand that she needs help as well. I couldn't get into the rest of the episode because those words resonated within my soul. I couldn't imagine my mother calling me that. Even at her angriest.

We have to do better. We have to get this together. We are supposed to be above the animals, the beast  the fowl in the air  and the snake that slithers on its belly. We are supposed to be human. Beautifully....

Wives and Lovers

Hey, little girl,
Comb your hair, fix your make-up.
Soon he will open the door.
Don't think because
There's a ring on your finger,
You needn't try any more

For wives should always be lovers, too.
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you.
I'm warning you.- Dionne Warwick

The first time I could ever remember hearing this song was while watching the movie 'The First Wives Club'. I'm sure I've heard it before  but its the first time I actually listened to words as they related to the picture. For those of you who haven't seen the movie, it's about three ( Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn, and Diane Keaton) women who come together after the suicide of their college friend. This friend, killed herself because her husband left her for a younger woman. She couldn't live with the fact that he no longer wanted her, so she threw herself off her Manhatten balcony. Soon after all three women find themselves in the same predicament as their lost friend. But instead  of killing themselves they decide to make there husbands pay, by killing them. Okay... so they didn't really plan to kill them, that's my spin on it, they planned to make them pay in the wallet. I liked it.

The chorus of the song is true. Women do get comfortable in their lives they feel they've already landed the man so why should they do anything extra. Afterall, they are married, and feel as though their man 'Ain't going nowhere'. We all know this assumption is not true because men do go, it happens all day,everyday. This song was a fitting title  for this post not because of the wives who become comfortable in their relationships, but the lovers. I call the lovers, the girlfriends who are content being girlfriends while doing everything a wife should do. I was once guilty  of this very thing. Women share  households, bills, cars and even children but never the name. Initially, it was not my plan  when I entered into a new relationship  after my divorce to stay with him as long as I did. I just wanted to have fun , but the more time I spent with him  I began to love him. After years together I thought we should be married ,he said he did too. But he didn't, and our relationship began to suffer.  I'm not placing blame on him or I. We just wanted different things and the expectation of marriage was never on the table. But as I look at the time that I spent doing everything married people do. I wonder why women become so complacent. Why do we not demand a ring anymore? Why are willing to give so much of our time and energy to relationships  that will not lead to a marriage? Is it because we fear losing the man we love? That was the case with me when the M word was mentioned. I say if you are willing to do so many things together why not marry? Why do we allow ourselves to commit to men who are non-comittal to us? I may never have the answer but it is a question that I think women need to start asking themselves. He loves your cooking, your style,your sex, everything about you. He doesn't want to even think of you being with anyone else but cannot marry you. What is that about?I have long ago decided that the very next time I live with a man it will be my husband and I'm not saying to  women that you shouldn't EVER live with a man. I believe its essential to couples to know if they can live together. What I am saying is the lovers should be wives too . However  you have to make that clear this is what you desire  in the beginning otherwise you will end up hurt  because your expectation wasn't expressed early on. Once you let your desires be known and he openly says that is not his intention,please believe him and cut your loses.You won't change him. Why should you  try to build a life with man who is unwilling to build one with you? And stop letting him call you his wifey, your not. 

Ladies First

Ladies...

Educate yourself- You know all the celebrity gossip, all the housewives, all the soap operas ( well you use to anyway), all the latest dance moves. all the songs and/or raps on the radio. But cannot name  one book that you have read in the past year. Really?
Leave him- I promise you will live.
Love does NOT hurt-It's not supposed to hurt. Not emotionally, not mentally or physically. If you are crying all the time with him, you might as well cry without him at least those will be healing tears.
Don't charge it!- You really do have to pay for it eventually. Your credit follows you wherever you go, in whatever you do. Guard it!!
 You wanted to have a little pretty baby-  There are too many GRANDMAMA-MAMAS  
raising your babies while you run the street. Grandmamas unite and  say this, You had them, raise them..
 How many tatoos do you  really need?  I'm just saying.... 
On your neck, chest ,arms  under your eye,hands, on your back,toes and legs?
Wear it well- Everyone cannot wear the latest fashion trends- Please find a friend who will tell you the truth and  a full-length mirror.
You are beautiful- No matter what they say!!! Believe it!!!
Forgive yourself-  We all make mistakes, what is most important is that your learn from them and not keep repeating them.
Finally....
 Love yourself- Love only God, before  yourself. You cannot leave loving you up to someone else. Be your own damn best friend, party with yourself by yourself. Dance by yourself and sing like a record deal is right around the corner.  We only get this one chance  so love yourself, all the time!!!

Ok, one more...

Be blessed!!!

Imagine

Barack Obama, President. My President. The President of the entire United States of America. It is so sickening that people cannot accept that. As I listen to and read certain comments it is becoming more and more clear that these united states have definitely become so divided in the past four years and I no longer question why. I wanted to believe for a very long time that this was not about his race. I wanted to believe that people were truly at odds with his views on healthcare reform, ( beats me why people would so hate this idea but have no problem having to have CAR insurance) his foreign policy, economics, his leadership or basically anything  but his race.But since his re-election bigotry has reared its ugly head in ways that I have not witnessed before. These people are not willing to compromise on any level . They damn near slap the olive branch out of your hand when extended. How can we heal as a nation when you are unwilling to compromise? When you are so consumed with hatred that you would rather see the whole shit blow up  before you give an inch. Where does that kind of thinking come from?

Ignorance?  Upbringing? Superiority complex? Entitlement? Let's talk about that for a moment. Romney's statement about the 47%... you know the one. I believe he got it wrong, lower/ middle class are not the ones who feel like the are entitled , clearly, White men are the ones who feel they are entitled to something. They are coming up with every excuse they can think of as to why they lost except the obvious. People would rather vote for someone who at least seems like they give a rat's ass about your well-being. Romney did not come across as being a person I think would understand my needs. He couldn't understand the struggles of the average american. He has not had to struggle for anything.  He also had some other issues , that let me know wholeheartedly that I would have never voted for him. But had he won....  Yeah , I would have been   heartbroken,and I would have been angry but I would have also had to accept the fact that he was the President. My President.  The President of these United States.I would have adapted.

How do we move forward? How do we begin to heal? Do we continue on this path of destructive thinking or do we come together and rebuild this nation. He is after all, going to be President for the next four years. My President. Your President, of these United States. Imagine if we all worked together as one.

Be Blessed peeps!!!

Wonderful

Yesterday we celebrated my fathers 75th birthday. He had a great time. It was the first time that we had taken him out to do so without my mom. Without his better half. You have to understand that my father was already the type that NEVER wanted to go anywhere, mostly because he is not a people person, so getting him out was for the longest like pulling teeth. To  make the job even more impossible our beloved family   pet died yesterday. So I just KNEW he was going to say "Hell no , I won't go!" But he surprised me. I watched him as he picked his clothes out ( coordinating ) and preparing to go, and it seemed he actually was looking forward to going. He made light conversation and even cracked a few jokes on our ride there. I love this man. He has taken care of us his whole life. I know there were times when he held three jobs  to make sure that we had the money for everything we needed. ( and many wants). When did he sleep? I don't recall him ever complaining, not to his children anyway. Just always doing what needed to be done. He is still in good health and has all his faculties in check. Wish I could say the same for me.

He loved the prayer I said before our meal, and the meal itself. Our gift really blew him away, (Cash) because there are no more gadgets, clothes, cologne, tools, underwear, or anything else we could ever buy that  he doesn't already own. My siblings and I were happy to do it for him and now my only wish is that we do it more often.This is the man who has always set the finest example of what a father and husband to me should be. The reason why I can see through cat who doesn't quite come up to par and can walk away without looking back. I can't settle for the okie doke. I've had his example my whole life. And at 75 I am still in awe. To him, well  I'm still his little girl. And although sometimes I don't want to hear  the long talks or advice, I am so blessed to be able to hear it. That's wonderful.

Be Blessed!!!

Obama 2012!!!

So Gone

Ok I am still getting used to this new blogger set up.AGAIN anyway, I was watching Dr. Phil today, don't know why but I was. There was a black ( african american) couple that he was trying to assist with some marital issues. Both, were attractive people. Both seemed to be intelligent, and rational . On Stage...at home there were some serious abuse going on. The woman claimed her husband was cheating and that she had  found different women's numbers in his phone listed under guy names. She had also caught him online with women and he even  hid a picture under their mattress that she found and when asked about it. He said " Oh, dear that is just a women I met online. She sent  it too me. It means nothing  to me" Shhhhhh... The husband claimed  that she had a wandering eye. He claimed that she always flirted with other men in front of him and she was the one not to be trusted. He claimed that she even forced him to have " inspections" when he came home ( Really?) So of  course,they would get into major arguments, sometimes physical  and as far as he could remember he had even spit into her face. TWICE... You didn't hear me. TWICE. 

Lord I thank you because I swear I am not the jail type, but some things I am sure will have me real close to serving time.

This couple has 4 children and the wife stated she wanted to seek Dr. Phil's help because she wanted her family. She wanted her husband to trust her and wanted their marriage to work. All the while the husband appeared indifferent. I understand, anyone who had ever been in love wants this. No one enters into a relationship especially marriage  thinking OK,I'm going to give this six months. Unless you happened to be named  Kim or Evelyn. But that is a blog for another day.  No one wants their families broken up but when is enough, enough? When do you realize that this is not worth it. Children are smart. Especially these children growing up now.Do you really think they don't notice when mom and dad are at odds?. Do you really think you are hiding it from them.? As parents what examples are you setting for children ? Abuse is abuse  whether its physical, mental, or verbal. Of course Phil was unable to resolve  the issue in this one hour and offered further counsel. I'm just wondering why it takes people so long to realize some things don't need saving. Sometimes you just have to let go and be gone....

Be Blessed Peeps!!!

Obama 2012!! Vote!!!!

Stormy Weather

I was working as a leasing agent after Hurricane Katrina. My complex along with so many others decided to open our community to some of the many families who had to relocate here after the tragic event. I will never forget the looks of hopelessness and lost that so many had. Nor will I forget those who were just thankful to be alive. They didn't care that they had lost their whole material lives or that they were thrust into an unknown new world. Just grateful that God spared them and their families and for the chance to begin again. As Issac looms in on the Gulf coast again, I pray for these families. I pray that the levees hold and we do not have a repeat of Katrina. I pray God covers them. I also pray that if disaster is to be that the gov't does what's its suppose to this time.

In other news... CYA is in full effect at work. It should have been all along  but you know  me always giving people the benefit of the doubt. I  no longer want to fight,what's the point. I just know what I know and there is no coming back from that.

President Obama 2012!!!! Be blessed ya'll.

Before I let Go

I hate liars and thieves, I really do. I know hate is a very strong word but it is really how I feel. If you want to be that type of person then I suggest you not be around me. Anywhere. I'm trying very, very hard to have my best WWJD, moment. But as you all know,God is not through with me yet.I am a work in progress and sometimes.... I blank. I'm not proud of it, but I haven't mastered turning the other cheek, yet. I have been taken advantage of here people. I have been lied on and it bothers me to the point where I just feel like...

Pray for me, or them.