Wives and Lovers

Hey, little girl,
Comb your hair, fix your make-up.
Soon he will open the door.
Don't think because
There's a ring on your finger,
You needn't try any more

For wives should always be lovers, too.
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you.
I'm warning you.- Dionne Warwick

The first time I could ever remember hearing this song was while watching the movie 'The First Wives Club'. I'm sure I've heard it before  but its the first time I actually listened to words as they related to the picture. For those of you who haven't seen the movie, it's about three ( Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn, and Diane Keaton) women who come together after the suicide of their college friend. This friend, killed herself because her husband left her for a younger woman. She couldn't live with the fact that he no longer wanted her, so she threw herself off her Manhatten balcony. Soon after all three women find themselves in the same predicament as their lost friend. But instead  of killing themselves they decide to make there husbands pay, by killing them. Okay... so they didn't really plan to kill them, that's my spin on it, they planned to make them pay in the wallet. I liked it.

The chorus of the song is true. Women do get comfortable in their lives they feel they've already landed the man so why should they do anything extra. Afterall, they are married, and feel as though their man 'Ain't going nowhere'. We all know this assumption is not true because men do go, it happens all day,everyday. This song was a fitting title  for this post not because of the wives who become comfortable in their relationships, but the lovers. I call the lovers, the girlfriends who are content being girlfriends while doing everything a wife should do. I was once guilty  of this very thing. Women share  households, bills, cars and even children but never the name. Initially, it was not my plan  when I entered into a new relationship  after my divorce to stay with him as long as I did. I just wanted to have fun , but the more time I spent with him  I began to love him. After years together I thought we should be married ,he said he did too. But he didn't, and our relationship began to suffer.  I'm not placing blame on him or I. We just wanted different things and the expectation of marriage was never on the table. But as I look at the time that I spent doing everything married people do. I wonder why women become so complacent. Why do we not demand a ring anymore? Why are willing to give so much of our time and energy to relationships  that will not lead to a marriage? Is it because we fear losing the man we love? That was the case with me when the M word was mentioned. I say if you are willing to do so many things together why not marry? Why do we allow ourselves to commit to men who are non-comittal to us? I may never have the answer but it is a question that I think women need to start asking themselves. He loves your cooking, your style,your sex, everything about you. He doesn't want to even think of you being with anyone else but cannot marry you. What is that about?I have long ago decided that the very next time I live with a man it will be my husband and I'm not saying to  women that you shouldn't EVER live with a man. I believe its essential to couples to know if they can live together. What I am saying is the lovers should be wives too . However  you have to make that clear this is what you desire  in the beginning otherwise you will end up hurt  because your expectation wasn't expressed early on. Once you let your desires be known and he openly says that is not his intention,please believe him and cut your loses.You won't change him. Why should you  try to build a life with man who is unwilling to build one with you? And stop letting him call you his wifey, your not. 

I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing

Anthony Evans vs. Jesse Campbell: "If I Ain't Got You"


Please do yourself a favor and click the link above if you did not witness these two brothers singing on The Voice last night. My friend Frank who some of you know as " Luke Cage" mentioned he never heard a Rhiana song. I countered until little Miss Sophia appeared on the Ellen Show I never heard a Nikki MInaj song. People like what they like. I can't knock these kids for saying what is playing on the radio now is the best thing since sliced bread, because they haven't been exposed to the music I appreciate( Or they have and think my Ol' school sucks). My parents didn't think there was much to the music I enjoyed as a child. But when true, raw talent is before you how can you not enjoy it? I mean almost ever genre is represented on The Voice, and every judge was absolutely blown away. These two men have a true gift from God and it just makes me wonder. How is it that you can have absolutely no talent at all( Except that you have a beat and dance moves) and make a 1# hit but,have people who are extraordinarily talented and are still trying to make it? This is where the music industry is lost to me, and why I love this show because it's not about appearance, dance moves or beats. It's about pure talent,it's about the voice. If anyone within the industry is out there listening. Give both of these gentlemen a chance.

Reunited

Hello people! Hope all is well in your lives.This weekend I had the opportunity to hang with my very first love. The one who I knew I would marry and we would have the house the white picket fence and 2. 5 kids. We even had names picked out. Yeah, he broke my heart.The one who..well you know. It's hard to believe I've been knowing this man for over 30 years. Been away from him for almost as long and we fit right back in together like we never left. It was fun to reminisce about our young lives and how much fun and trouble we used to get into.He turned out to be a very nice man. I knew he would. He was a very nice boy. I took him to meet the parents again..well... now that he doesn't have to run for his life. He still broke out in a sweat though.That was funny as hell. My parents don't even beat people up anymore. (they will shoot though)

I think it's great when you have such an impact on a persons life. They never forget you.They always wonder about you and what you are doing. Many people don't get that chance. I'm glad I did. Reach out to someone you haven't seen in a while. It's great for the soul. Stay blessed!

Never Would Have Made It

Yesterday was my fathers 72nd birthday. I am so blessed to say that. I wasn't given the opportunity to really appreciate how blessed yesterday, because our family was hit with some hard news. My brothers best friend, killed himself. Even as I type these words I find it so very hard to believe.I was already hurt by the fact that he was gone, but my brother is the one who found him. I believe that hurt me even more because I couldn't imagine having to find my best friend dead. I can't imagine finding anyone dead. But for someone I love,it would devastate me.

People always say. " Just know that they aren't suffering anymore" That is what I pray for most. I pray that he is not suffering. I pray that whatever it was that led him to take his own life is truly over now. The hardest thing I know for me will be watching my brother go through this. I hurt more, because I hurt for him. But this too will pass.

I'm trying to be strong, I haven't spoken a word to him. Not yet because I know when I talk to him or see him I will fall apart. I have been blessed enough in my life not to know death. Not to have to miss love ones or bury them. I have only attended 1 funeral in my life. This will be the second.

I thank God for delivering me from my pain. For seeing me through when I couldn't see. For making a way, when there was no way. For giving me the strength I needed to go on. I pray he is at peace.

Live your life to the fullest Stay Blessed!

You've Changed

I know that it has been a minute since I was last here. I have been really busy with work and moving and just getting my life back in order. Since the last time that I wrote there hasn't been any major issues. I am still dating, but no longer in a relationship. (So to speak). Yet, I remain hopeful that I will find my soulmate. God just isn't done with me. I have been feeling lately that I need to do more with my life. I need to be more active in my community. I need to reach out to some of these kids. Try to make a difference. I'm just feeling like I am stuck. You all know that's not me.

My family is well. My father will be 72 years old tomorrow. I am blessed to have both of my parents. I appreciate their wisdom and guidance to this day. My brother and sister and the rest of the clan are fine. ( Although, my sis still refuses to have a kid) I'm going to give her another year.

So I am back to writing again. Sorry I have been away so long. I hope you all are doing ok. I pray we all prosper.

Until soon...be blessed!

Slow Down

I must be losing my mind. In the past two weeks, I have lost my make-up case( left on a counter)as I removed it to get to my wallet. And who wants used make-up? You'd be surprised. Because when I went back to the counter it was gone.Two pair of earrings and then my wallet. Well, my wallet was stolen but,I still feel like it was my fault for not paying more attention to my pocketbook. Foolishly, I thought it was "safe". I hate to lose anything, ANYTHING!!! and most times I am very careful of my surroundings and my personal belongings. The process that I've gone through to cancel and replace my things will be another blog for another day.

I just have too much on my plate right now. Too many irons in the fire and I think I am getting burned out and scatterbrained. We all know that combination never works out for the best. I feel like, I'm hurried and thinking but not thinking.

This is not me, I gotta slow down...

Stay Blessed