Beautifully Human

As far as "reality" shows go I find TI and Tiny's show to be very positive. There was however one problem child. Shicanna- Tinys hairstylist, she seemed to have no ability to behave professionally, so Tiny suggested they go to an etiquette class. The one standout, powerful point for me was when she was addressing the B word and said her mother had been calling her a bitch since she was four so it didn't phase her.

It didn't phase her. Wow, wow.Wow!!!! You guys know I have very SERIOUS problems with the B word. I don't like it. I don't appreciate it and I don't care what kind of way you try to twist it into a term of endearment, It's a derogatory word, that I don't tolerate. When that word comes out of your mouth to me, I am your enemy. That's how I feel. This woman said that she had been called such since she was 4. Can you imagine how a child feels being called this? A baby. What the hell is wrong in your sick mind that you would look at a child that you carried  in your womb and think that is okay? The saddest part for me is that even at her age she didn't realize that it did phase her. IT DID PHASE HER!!!!. She carried the stigma of Bitch practically her whole life. At some point she had to know that the definition of the word is a female dog, My mother is calling me a dog, my mother thinks I am no better than a dog. How am I to think any more of myself? How am I  to learn to behave in a professional setting and use tact and decorum when I have been led to believe that I am nothing more than a BITCH?How do you process this as a child? I can't process it as an adult.

I immediately understood why she behaved the way she did. I knew this was all she knew and although her behavior was/is obnoxious and over the top, I realized that her bad behavior was a defense mechanism that she had built over the years, she's had to be on defense since she was 4. Her mother was a women in need of counsel and she had probably only done to her child what was done to her. I have heard people call their kids little bastards and muthas and thank GOD for the household that I grew up in. Don't get me wrong, we got cursed out, but not belittled, it wasn't personalized. It was the collective, foot in your asses and smacking the hell out of you type thing. People don't realize they are in charge of molding lives. They were given this blessing from God and they continue to drop the ball.  I pray for this young woman. I pray that she realizes that she can change the pattern, she doesn't have to keep this mentality. She is a beautiful woman, plenty of sass. She just doesn't know and when you don't know how can you do better?  Perhaps, she will see the episode and begin to understand that she needs help as well. I couldn't get into the rest of the episode because those words resonated within my soul. I couldn't imagine my mother calling me that. Even at her angriest.

We have to do better. We have to get this together. We are supposed to be above the animals, the beast  the fowl in the air  and the snake that slithers on its belly. We are supposed to be human. Beautifully....

Wives and Lovers

Hey, little girl,
Comb your hair, fix your make-up.
Soon he will open the door.
Don't think because
There's a ring on your finger,
You needn't try any more

For wives should always be lovers, too.
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you.
I'm warning you.- Dionne Warwick

The first time I could ever remember hearing this song was while watching the movie 'The First Wives Club'. I'm sure I've heard it before  but its the first time I actually listened to words as they related to the picture. For those of you who haven't seen the movie, it's about three ( Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn, and Diane Keaton) women who come together after the suicide of their college friend. This friend, killed herself because her husband left her for a younger woman. She couldn't live with the fact that he no longer wanted her, so she threw herself off her Manhatten balcony. Soon after all three women find themselves in the same predicament as their lost friend. But instead  of killing themselves they decide to make there husbands pay, by killing them. Okay... so they didn't really plan to kill them, that's my spin on it, they planned to make them pay in the wallet. I liked it.

The chorus of the song is true. Women do get comfortable in their lives they feel they've already landed the man so why should they do anything extra. Afterall, they are married, and feel as though their man 'Ain't going nowhere'. We all know this assumption is not true because men do go, it happens all day,everyday. This song was a fitting title  for this post not because of the wives who become comfortable in their relationships, but the lovers. I call the lovers, the girlfriends who are content being girlfriends while doing everything a wife should do. I was once guilty  of this very thing. Women share  households, bills, cars and even children but never the name. Initially, it was not my plan  when I entered into a new relationship  after my divorce to stay with him as long as I did. I just wanted to have fun , but the more time I spent with him  I began to love him. After years together I thought we should be married ,he said he did too. But he didn't, and our relationship began to suffer.  I'm not placing blame on him or I. We just wanted different things and the expectation of marriage was never on the table. But as I look at the time that I spent doing everything married people do. I wonder why women become so complacent. Why do we not demand a ring anymore? Why are willing to give so much of our time and energy to relationships  that will not lead to a marriage? Is it because we fear losing the man we love? That was the case with me when the M word was mentioned. I say if you are willing to do so many things together why not marry? Why do we allow ourselves to commit to men who are non-comittal to us? I may never have the answer but it is a question that I think women need to start asking themselves. He loves your cooking, your style,your sex, everything about you. He doesn't want to even think of you being with anyone else but cannot marry you. What is that about?I have long ago decided that the very next time I live with a man it will be my husband and I'm not saying to  women that you shouldn't EVER live with a man. I believe its essential to couples to know if they can live together. What I am saying is the lovers should be wives too . However  you have to make that clear this is what you desire  in the beginning otherwise you will end up hurt  because your expectation wasn't expressed early on. Once you let your desires be known and he openly says that is not his intention,please believe him and cut your loses.You won't change him. Why should you  try to build a life with man who is unwilling to build one with you? And stop letting him call you his wifey, your not. 

So Gone

Ok I am still getting used to this new blogger set up.AGAIN anyway, I was watching Dr. Phil today, don't know why but I was. There was a black ( african american) couple that he was trying to assist with some marital issues. Both, were attractive people. Both seemed to be intelligent, and rational . On Stage...at home there were some serious abuse going on. The woman claimed her husband was cheating and that she had  found different women's numbers in his phone listed under guy names. She had also caught him online with women and he even  hid a picture under their mattress that she found and when asked about it. He said " Oh, dear that is just a women I met online. She sent  it too me. It means nothing  to me" Shhhhhh... The husband claimed  that she had a wandering eye. He claimed that she always flirted with other men in front of him and she was the one not to be trusted. He claimed that she even forced him to have " inspections" when he came home ( Really?) So of  course,they would get into major arguments, sometimes physical  and as far as he could remember he had even spit into her face. TWICE... You didn't hear me. TWICE. 

Lord I thank you because I swear I am not the jail type, but some things I am sure will have me real close to serving time.

This couple has 4 children and the wife stated she wanted to seek Dr. Phil's help because she wanted her family. She wanted her husband to trust her and wanted their marriage to work. All the while the husband appeared indifferent. I understand, anyone who had ever been in love wants this. No one enters into a relationship especially marriage  thinking OK,I'm going to give this six months. Unless you happened to be named  Kim or Evelyn. But that is a blog for another day.  No one wants their families broken up but when is enough, enough? When do you realize that this is not worth it. Children are smart. Especially these children growing up now.Do you really think they don't notice when mom and dad are at odds?. Do you really think you are hiding it from them.? As parents what examples are you setting for children ? Abuse is abuse  whether its physical, mental, or verbal. Of course Phil was unable to resolve  the issue in this one hour and offered further counsel. I'm just wondering why it takes people so long to realize some things don't need saving. Sometimes you just have to let go and be gone....

Be Blessed Peeps!!!

Obama 2012!! Vote!!!!

My Man

Today I fell out with one of my closes friends. Why? Her man, not mine hers. I hate to fall out with anyone but especially when it's foolishness. By the way, I have kicked my man to the curb. It just wasn't working out and NO it wasn't me. Back to me and my friend.

I spoke to someone and told them the whole scenario and they feel that I am correct. I feel that i am correct. I just have to get my friend to see that I am correct. She is a bit stubborn and I am too and I love her , but shit. Right is right and wrong is wrong. Her man was dead wrong. ( Nothing like trying to approach me or anything like that) but the situation was wrong. So in an effort to get him to think about the situation I spoke with her. It's amazing how friends can flip. I understand that it is her man and she has to keep her home happy, but damn don't flip on me. That is all that I am saying.

I am saying if you see he is wrong don't try to rationalize no crazy shit. PERIOD!!!

Summertime

It's March. It is March and as I watch the snow melt out of my driveway you know that I am thinking...WTH. Talk about March Madness. Not only is it snowing, its cold here. I long for the sun beating on my head. For sweat, yes the kind that comes from just being too damn hot.(Not working out).I long for long days and short nights. For riding with my car windows down, or with my air conditioner on. Oh wait...the news says it's going to be 75 here this weekend...wth !!!

Pneumonia weather is what my grandmother called it. Still, I wish it would make up it's mind and just decide on warm, maybe even hot.

Other than the freezing of thine ass, my love life is holding on by a thread.Although, I have chosen to forgive his mother ( as I said I would from the beginning, I just don't forget) something is still missing. From our conversations, our time together is strained. Or at least that is how I am feeling. I try to express what I am feeling and I don't think I am getting through. And I am a great communicator. It's almost as if he wants to pretend that it never happen. Seriously, because now that I think about it, if it was mentioned I'm the one that brought the subject up.

You all know that I have asked God to grant me patience. And he has, I am soooo much better than I was. But, I also have ADD and I didn't ask for help with that and right now, I'm feeling antsy...the struggle continues....

Stay Blessed!!!

Dear Momma-Funny Valentines

Happy Valentines Day!

This post is going to be a bit unusual. This is not a post for my mother. Although I love her to death.I am involved with someone and happy with him. When we first started seeing each other we mentioned some things about our families. He did admit that his mother was crazy. ( yeah, I know we all have a crazy in the fam). I have my own drama with a family member so I know. But I never in a million years thought he really meant crazy. Straight jacket, need to be locked away for your own good CRAZY.

With out going into too much detail, I will say the events of this past week have shocked me. It began with a simple valentines gift and ended with me being called every thing, every thing but a child of God. I have never been involved with anyone and not gotten along with their parents. Mothers love me. Even after break ups they keep in touch. Wonder what the hell is wrong with their children, why'd they let me get away. So for this to be the case now is really new to me. I knew he was a mommas boy, an only child. But, DAMN his mother ( Who by the way was so in love with me last week) flipped so hard I thought I was in a remake of THE EXORCIST. And although this woman disrespected me in the worst way, I held my ground. I took the high road and what good would come from beating up an old woman?

The only thing that bothers me now is where will this lead us?( him and I) because although I can forgive. I will never forget.(Not even when her other personality resurfaces). And you can't really ask someone to choose between their own nutty as a fruitcake mother and you. Because it's his Mother.The struggle continues...

Enjoy this day, Stay Blessed!

Do You Remember The Time?

I am on the verge of 7 yearss bloggin' guys.Tomorrow is the day. This has been a very good outlet for me. It has allowed me to vent my frustrations, share my joys,spill my tears and Praise my God! I have met some of the most decent,funny, loving, kind, crazy,opinionated folks in this time. Words are powerful and the feedback/LUV I recieve from you guys is appreciated. I am grateful still to Stephen for asking me " Do you blog?"
Recently I have been missing, but don't think I don't miss it. So much is happening now...
Okay, don't tell nobody. Your girl is in deep. I like him. I mean I really like him. And you know what? I am so damn scared. I feel like I did with my very first boyfriend and I'm getting all fluttery inside when he calls me "baby" or the way he looks at me sometimes. Had I heard that line I just wrote under any other circumstance I would be putting a finger down my own throat. But,not this time and I don't want to let my guard down yet because....

I am guarded. I will find myself thinking of him and wanting to call but I don't because I don't want to feel like I'm putting myself out there. Maybe paying him too much attention. isn't that nuts? I know nothing in my past is this mans fault. But, all I know is I cannot repeat the things I did in the past. I can't/won't allow myself to ever be in that place again

"But when I lay in his arms, child it's easy pretending. This is a real fairytale"- Anita Baker.

I will quote a character from one of my own damn books. " If you get a scrape on your skin, you can put all the neosporin on it that you want. It'll never be that skin again, it's scarred." I guess that's how I feel. Just afraid really to open up.

He is a good man. I am a good woman and we deserve to be happy. So long as we do the work necessary. Respect each other and trust each other. Pray for me yall. I'm trying to be more KIND and GENTEEL being that some people( eyes rollin at them) almost gag when I say that about myself.But I really am...really...

Stay Blessed!

Can I?

Can I tell you how tired I am?

Forgive me if my thoughts are scattered. I have been running since Wednesday. I have finally realized that I am not as young as I used to be. My sister came down from Philly.It was so good to see her face. I miss her face. My brother's kids are making me feel... older 19, 16 and 10. ( where does the time go?) and my nephew appears to be growing every second with no end in sight. He's 6'6" now. Doing well, so believe me when I say God answers prayers. My 16 year old niece has grown into a beautiful young woman and the baby, 10 years old. I can see I'm going to have to kill off. Spoiled rotten! I think its safe to say my brothers genes are shit, because those kids look like their mother. So it was decided that since mom just came home from the hospital that I would do all the cooking. Crazy, I know, but I wanted to really...no really. And I did ( my thing).
After celebrating with my own family,this year for an extra added twist I had to go to HIS's mothers house. Even after refusing everything she offered, she seems to like me; Of course I have never had any problems with parents. Thank God. I do hear some horror stories. I guess she can see that her son has found an EXTRAORDINARY, PHENOMENAL woman. Seriously, it was odd for me, this whole dating thing again, trying to build something with someone. I guess it was odd for him too. We are still new, and this our first holiday together.
Then we made our rounds to friends houses, to watch football games and mingle ( I really don't like football) but,I got to meet his boys ,their wives,significant and some not so significant others. All of them, seemed cool.

All and all it was another wonderful holiday. I thank God for my family, my friends, for opening my heart to the possibility of loving again. For my life.

Stay Blessed!

Nothing From Nothing

I don't have children, so I am reaching as far as what "I" would do. I know how I think I would raise my child. I know how I was raised. I know my tolerance level. I have friends with step children that are wrecking their lives and marriages. I know from listening to them, I no longer wish to be in a relationship with a man who has under aged children anymore. At my age that is really, really pushing it.This is a strong statement considering who much I love children. But I am watching my friends lives crumble before my eyes. Not because of money, miscommunication or infidelity, but because of the step children.

It's sad to watch because other than the children, these people have wonderful relationships. I understand my friends frustration and yet I understand their partner. No one wants to be put in a situation to choose between their spouse or their children. I understand when they are just wanting "peace" and not to make any waves and keep everyone happy. But you can't keep everyone happy. Someone is going to have a problem.


My friends feel unappreciated, one has been physically abused by a child. The other mentally abused not only by the child but their mother as well. I am at a lost as to what to say to them anymore. I listen. I ask them to talk with their spouses about how they feel. I know in my heart that both of these women love the step children. We don't have any Cinderella stories here. But the children, for some reason do not like them, nor do they respect the fact that their fathers love these women. I know that the mother's of these children are fueling the fires.

So how do you work this out? How do you keep your home life happy and as well adjusted and functional as you can when you have step children who act like they have 3 sixes on their skull?

I pray their relationships endure these troubled times. I pray these children realize that they are in the best possible place they could be. I pray that God give these families strength and wisdom.

Because....



I don't have children, but I know my tolerance level

My Funny Valentine

Today, someone crossed my mind that I haven't thought of a while. I'm thinking it was because Valentines day is coming. We had very good Valentines. He was a very good man period, hardworking and educated with a sense of humor to boot.Although he was no Denzel, he wasn't Flav either. I met him shortly after I started dating again after my divorce. I wasn't trying to settle down.I was too young or so I thought, to be bogged down in a "relationship" again. I wanted to have fun. Not to mention he was looking for a mother for his kid and I definitely didn't want to become instant mom at that time. I wanted to tell him, I did. But if I want to be completely honest here I wasn't woman enough, yet. I thought I could play. I ended up hurting a great guy.

The next time I saw him was at my brothers wedding.He happens to be related to my sister-in-law(the world is so small!) Always a gentleman he carried on polite conversation but, gave me the look.... Ladies you know the look. The one that makes you do a double take and think in your head ( Oh, it still like that?!!!) But, I had a frog...a big frog. Probably the bigggest damn frog ever!!!!, at the time. Who I thought was my Prince Charming ,so I brushed the look off and we parted ways again.

The last time I saw him, maybe a couple of years ago now, he was a marrried man, expecting his third child and living well. Although I really hurt him all those years before, his smile was genuine when he saw me. I was happy for him, for his happiness. I felt,well forgiven for the wrong I'd done.


I was just wondering about him today; as we do when we think of the ones that got away. Praying that he is still blessed and that maybe one day I will have the opportunity to meet someone like this again.

Me and Mrs. Jones

How many times have I said I don't date married men. I never will ( knowingly) never have (knowingly).

Check this...

I dial a number it's not the correct number I say I'm sorry and hang up. Three hours laterI get a call. Asking did I call this number, I say no. Because frankly I had forgotten that I called the damn number. ( MY short term is shit). Mrs. Jones proceeds to tell me that I did call her phone because my name and number are on her caller ID. I say ok, I may have called mistakenly earlier. She proceeds to tell me how long her and Mr. Jones have been married. I'm not trying to hear all this crap. I tell her she has the wrong woman, and I'm sorry that I called and that she is having marital troubles. I hang up.

Do you know she called me again? Now I'm hot and Mrs. Jones is clearly in need of answers, counsel and meds. Strange thing is I didn't even ask for her husband.The person I asked for sounds nothing like Jamie. I explain this to her again,I also tell her that I don't have time for games or other peoples drama. She finally believed me and eventually apologized. She said " You know how it is." I felt so sorry for her when we ended the conversation because,I don't know how it is. I have been in love, mistreated, broken hearted. The whole deal. But I never blamed the other woman. I never checked my mans phone. Never resorted to confronting others.

Why are women so quick to confront the other woman, while the piece of man skates?
Why don't we put the fault where it should be? I don't understand this Shirley Brown(Woman to Woman) mentality. Did you ever really listen to the words coming out of her mouth on that song? If I had the gumption to call the other woman it would be to tell her to come get him. not trying to keep him. I know people stay in bad situations for whatever reasons. I can't knock what people decide is right for their lives. I am however thankful I have not had to compromise.

Tonight I am just praying this woman has better days ahead.