Free

I cut my hair off 9 months ago. I have to say it is one of the best things I've ever done for myself. I can't explain to you how I feel except by saying free. No one held a gun to me and forced me to get the creamy crack and if that is your voice ,I understand.

I'm just saying my experience has been on of complete joy.My journey in the beginning was frustrating because I  ihad no idea what I was doing. I thiought I'd do my big chop and curls would magically appear. I thought soon after I'd have long flowing locs cascading from my head. I knew nothing of curl patterns or hair types. All I knew was that I was done with relaxers. There have been trials and missteps and what the hells? But I've come pretty far. The renewed confidence I feel in knowing no matter what I rock it's fierce,even my missteps. That just gives me freedom,freedom to rock my God given locs and not be ashamed embarrassed or anything else but me. I'm finally free. Thank God...I'm free

Beautifully Human

As far as "reality" shows go I find TI and Tiny's show to be very positive. There was however one problem child. Shicanna- Tinys hairstylist, she seemed to have no ability to behave professionally, so Tiny suggested they go to an etiquette class. The one standout, powerful point for me was when she was addressing the B word and said her mother had been calling her a bitch since she was four so it didn't phase her.

It didn't phase her. Wow, wow.Wow!!!! You guys know I have very SERIOUS problems with the B word. I don't like it. I don't appreciate it and I don't care what kind of way you try to twist it into a term of endearment, It's a derogatory word, that I don't tolerate. When that word comes out of your mouth to me, I am your enemy. That's how I feel. This woman said that she had been called such since she was 4. Can you imagine how a child feels being called this? A baby. What the hell is wrong in your sick mind that you would look at a child that you carried  in your womb and think that is okay? The saddest part for me is that even at her age she didn't realize that it did phase her. IT DID PHASE HER!!!!. She carried the stigma of Bitch practically her whole life. At some point she had to know that the definition of the word is a female dog, My mother is calling me a dog, my mother thinks I am no better than a dog. How am I to think any more of myself? How am I  to learn to behave in a professional setting and use tact and decorum when I have been led to believe that I am nothing more than a BITCH?How do you process this as a child? I can't process it as an adult.

I immediately understood why she behaved the way she did. I knew this was all she knew and although her behavior was/is obnoxious and over the top, I realized that her bad behavior was a defense mechanism that she had built over the years, she's had to be on defense since she was 4. Her mother was a women in need of counsel and she had probably only done to her child what was done to her. I have heard people call their kids little bastards and muthas and thank GOD for the household that I grew up in. Don't get me wrong, we got cursed out, but not belittled, it wasn't personalized. It was the collective, foot in your asses and smacking the hell out of you type thing. People don't realize they are in charge of molding lives. They were given this blessing from God and they continue to drop the ball.  I pray for this young woman. I pray that she realizes that she can change the pattern, she doesn't have to keep this mentality. She is a beautiful woman, plenty of sass. She just doesn't know and when you don't know how can you do better?  Perhaps, she will see the episode and begin to understand that she needs help as well. I couldn't get into the rest of the episode because those words resonated within my soul. I couldn't imagine my mother calling me that. Even at her angriest.

We have to do better. We have to get this together. We are supposed to be above the animals, the beast  the fowl in the air  and the snake that slithers on its belly. We are supposed to be human. Beautifully....

Wives and Lovers

Hey, little girl,
Comb your hair, fix your make-up.
Soon he will open the door.
Don't think because
There's a ring on your finger,
You needn't try any more

For wives should always be lovers, too.
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you.
I'm warning you.- Dionne Warwick

The first time I could ever remember hearing this song was while watching the movie 'The First Wives Club'. I'm sure I've heard it before  but its the first time I actually listened to words as they related to the picture. For those of you who haven't seen the movie, it's about three ( Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn, and Diane Keaton) women who come together after the suicide of their college friend. This friend, killed herself because her husband left her for a younger woman. She couldn't live with the fact that he no longer wanted her, so she threw herself off her Manhatten balcony. Soon after all three women find themselves in the same predicament as their lost friend. But instead  of killing themselves they decide to make there husbands pay, by killing them. Okay... so they didn't really plan to kill them, that's my spin on it, they planned to make them pay in the wallet. I liked it.

The chorus of the song is true. Women do get comfortable in their lives they feel they've already landed the man so why should they do anything extra. Afterall, they are married, and feel as though their man 'Ain't going nowhere'. We all know this assumption is not true because men do go, it happens all day,everyday. This song was a fitting title  for this post not because of the wives who become comfortable in their relationships, but the lovers. I call the lovers, the girlfriends who are content being girlfriends while doing everything a wife should do. I was once guilty  of this very thing. Women share  households, bills, cars and even children but never the name. Initially, it was not my plan  when I entered into a new relationship  after my divorce to stay with him as long as I did. I just wanted to have fun , but the more time I spent with him  I began to love him. After years together I thought we should be married ,he said he did too. But he didn't, and our relationship began to suffer.  I'm not placing blame on him or I. We just wanted different things and the expectation of marriage was never on the table. But as I look at the time that I spent doing everything married people do. I wonder why women become so complacent. Why do we not demand a ring anymore? Why are willing to give so much of our time and energy to relationships  that will not lead to a marriage? Is it because we fear losing the man we love? That was the case with me when the M word was mentioned. I say if you are willing to do so many things together why not marry? Why do we allow ourselves to commit to men who are non-comittal to us? I may never have the answer but it is a question that I think women need to start asking themselves. He loves your cooking, your style,your sex, everything about you. He doesn't want to even think of you being with anyone else but cannot marry you. What is that about?I have long ago decided that the very next time I live with a man it will be my husband and I'm not saying to  women that you shouldn't EVER live with a man. I believe its essential to couples to know if they can live together. What I am saying is the lovers should be wives too . However  you have to make that clear this is what you desire  in the beginning otherwise you will end up hurt  because your expectation wasn't expressed early on. Once you let your desires be known and he openly says that is not his intention,please believe him and cut your loses.You won't change him. Why should you  try to build a life with man who is unwilling to build one with you? And stop letting him call you his wifey, your not. 

Ladies First

Ladies...

Educate yourself- You know all the celebrity gossip, all the housewives, all the soap operas ( well you use to anyway), all the latest dance moves. all the songs and/or raps on the radio. But cannot name  one book that you have read in the past year. Really?
Leave him- I promise you will live.
Love does NOT hurt-It's not supposed to hurt. Not emotionally, not mentally or physically. If you are crying all the time with him, you might as well cry without him at least those will be healing tears.
Don't charge it!- You really do have to pay for it eventually. Your credit follows you wherever you go, in whatever you do. Guard it!!
 You wanted to have a little pretty baby-  There are too many GRANDMAMA-MAMAS  
raising your babies while you run the street. Grandmamas unite and  say this, You had them, raise them..
 How many tatoos do you  really need?  I'm just saying.... 
On your neck, chest ,arms  under your eye,hands, on your back,toes and legs?
Wear it well- Everyone cannot wear the latest fashion trends- Please find a friend who will tell you the truth and  a full-length mirror.
You are beautiful- No matter what they say!!! Believe it!!!
Forgive yourself-  We all make mistakes, what is most important is that your learn from them and not keep repeating them.
Finally....
 Love yourself- Love only God, before  yourself. You cannot leave loving you up to someone else. Be your own damn best friend, party with yourself by yourself. Dance by yourself and sing like a record deal is right around the corner.  We only get this one chance  so love yourself, all the time!!!

Ok, one more...

Be blessed!!!

Wonderful

Yesterday we celebrated my fathers 75th birthday. He had a great time. It was the first time that we had taken him out to do so without my mom. Without his better half. You have to understand that my father was already the type that NEVER wanted to go anywhere, mostly because he is not a people person, so getting him out was for the longest like pulling teeth. To  make the job even more impossible our beloved family   pet died yesterday. So I just KNEW he was going to say "Hell no , I won't go!" But he surprised me. I watched him as he picked his clothes out ( coordinating ) and preparing to go, and it seemed he actually was looking forward to going. He made light conversation and even cracked a few jokes on our ride there. I love this man. He has taken care of us his whole life. I know there were times when he held three jobs  to make sure that we had the money for everything we needed. ( and many wants). When did he sleep? I don't recall him ever complaining, not to his children anyway. Just always doing what needed to be done. He is still in good health and has all his faculties in check. Wish I could say the same for me.

He loved the prayer I said before our meal, and the meal itself. Our gift really blew him away, (Cash) because there are no more gadgets, clothes, cologne, tools, underwear, or anything else we could ever buy that  he doesn't already own. My siblings and I were happy to do it for him and now my only wish is that we do it more often.This is the man who has always set the finest example of what a father and husband to me should be. The reason why I can see through cat who doesn't quite come up to par and can walk away without looking back. I can't settle for the okie doke. I've had his example my whole life. And at 75 I am still in awe. To him, well  I'm still his little girl. And although sometimes I don't want to hear  the long talks or advice, I am so blessed to be able to hear it. That's wonderful.

Be Blessed!!!

Obama 2012!!!

Stormy Weather

I was working as a leasing agent after Hurricane Katrina. My complex along with so many others decided to open our community to some of the many families who had to relocate here after the tragic event. I will never forget the looks of hopelessness and lost that so many had. Nor will I forget those who were just thankful to be alive. They didn't care that they had lost their whole material lives or that they were thrust into an unknown new world. Just grateful that God spared them and their families and for the chance to begin again. As Issac looms in on the Gulf coast again, I pray for these families. I pray that the levees hold and we do not have a repeat of Katrina. I pray God covers them. I also pray that if disaster is to be that the gov't does what's its suppose to this time.

In other news... CYA is in full effect at work. It should have been all along  but you know  me always giving people the benefit of the doubt. I  no longer want to fight,what's the point. I just know what I know and there is no coming back from that.

President Obama 2012!!!! Be blessed ya'll.

I'm Walking

I have been hurt by people. We all have. People that I thought were friends who proved to me time and time again that they were not and I accepted them back into my fold. I made excuses for their behavior, I gave them the benefit of the doubt. For most of my life I had a need to be accepted because I was always the friendly one. Always the one who would make the peace when others in my circle fell out. Always the one to crack a joke or two to make eveyone smile. So I just knew people would love me , why wouldn't they? As I grew older the need to be accepted by people started to wear thin. I called myself surrounding myself with people who loved me as much as I loved them. People I chose to call FRIENDS. Now, I don't use that word lightly. You have to earn that. So when people that I chose to call friend broke the code ( Friendship)I'm done. I wish you no harm, or ill -will . I am just done. I no longer call you ,text message, hang out with you, facebook or twitter you. Once I have expressed to you how hurt I am by your actions that's it, the end of our communication forever, as far as I am concerned. Some may call that harsh but, I have my own heart and feelings to protect. I no longer give people the opportunity to harm either again. So being that I have said all this , two, nearly three years ago I stopped talking to two of my so-called friends and since then they have been trying to get back in my life. I know why, not bragging but , I am a EXCELLENT friend and they realize the lost. That and I have always been so damn forgiving. But I am standing my ground this time because serious ( I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS SHIT TO ME) Lines were crossed. I have tried ignoring them, I don't return calls, text messages or anything else. I lie, one had a sister who passed and she shared and I offered my condolences to her and her family but nothing else since. So why do they press on? Guilt, I think because they had something good and they let it go. And I'm not going to lie. I do miss them and I cherish the good times we had and I wish things weren't they way they are. But they are and it is what it is...I'm walking...

I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing

Anthony Evans vs. Jesse Campbell: "If I Ain't Got You"


Please do yourself a favor and click the link above if you did not witness these two brothers singing on The Voice last night. My friend Frank who some of you know as " Luke Cage" mentioned he never heard a Rhiana song. I countered until little Miss Sophia appeared on the Ellen Show I never heard a Nikki MInaj song. People like what they like. I can't knock these kids for saying what is playing on the radio now is the best thing since sliced bread, because they haven't been exposed to the music I appreciate( Or they have and think my Ol' school sucks). My parents didn't think there was much to the music I enjoyed as a child. But when true, raw talent is before you how can you not enjoy it? I mean almost ever genre is represented on The Voice, and every judge was absolutely blown away. These two men have a true gift from God and it just makes me wonder. How is it that you can have absolutely no talent at all( Except that you have a beat and dance moves) and make a 1# hit but,have people who are extraordinarily talented and are still trying to make it? This is where the music industry is lost to me, and why I love this show because it's not about appearance, dance moves or beats. It's about pure talent,it's about the voice. If anyone within the industry is out there listening. Give both of these gentlemen a chance.

Smile

It has been quite a year for me. I am coming to terms with the lost of my mom and realizing that she wouldn't want me to stay sad for so long. ( Easier said than done mommy) but day by day it's getting...bearable. I will always miss her but I carry her with me everyday.

My life has been filled with work. I guess I dove into it to take my mind away for a minute. But being work has really been getting on my nerves, I will have to find another outlet. So here I am with my old standby. Writing. Most of the blogs I used to follow have gone away. But,one thing about blogger...you can find new people with new thoughts. So I'm back ready to begin anew. I'm looking foward to it and I hope the things I have to say matter to some of you. If not, it matters to me. And its my blog!

So today, I smile...

Reunited

Hello people! Hope all is well in your lives.This weekend I had the opportunity to hang with my very first love. The one who I knew I would marry and we would have the house the white picket fence and 2. 5 kids. We even had names picked out. Yeah, he broke my heart.The one who..well you know. It's hard to believe I've been knowing this man for over 30 years. Been away from him for almost as long and we fit right back in together like we never left. It was fun to reminisce about our young lives and how much fun and trouble we used to get into.He turned out to be a very nice man. I knew he would. He was a very nice boy. I took him to meet the parents again..well... now that he doesn't have to run for his life. He still broke out in a sweat though.That was funny as hell. My parents don't even beat people up anymore. (they will shoot though)

I think it's great when you have such an impact on a persons life. They never forget you.They always wonder about you and what you are doing. Many people don't get that chance. I'm glad I did. Reach out to someone you haven't seen in a while. It's great for the soul. Stay blessed!

You've Changed

I know that it has been a minute since I was last here. I have been really busy with work and moving and just getting my life back in order. Since the last time that I wrote there hasn't been any major issues. I am still dating, but no longer in a relationship. (So to speak). Yet, I remain hopeful that I will find my soulmate. God just isn't done with me. I have been feeling lately that I need to do more with my life. I need to be more active in my community. I need to reach out to some of these kids. Try to make a difference. I'm just feeling like I am stuck. You all know that's not me.

My family is well. My father will be 72 years old tomorrow. I am blessed to have both of my parents. I appreciate their wisdom and guidance to this day. My brother and sister and the rest of the clan are fine. ( Although, my sis still refuses to have a kid) I'm going to give her another year.

So I am back to writing again. Sorry I have been away so long. I hope you all are doing ok. I pray we all prosper.

Until soon...be blessed!

Slow Down

I must be losing my mind. In the past two weeks, I have lost my make-up case( left on a counter)as I removed it to get to my wallet. And who wants used make-up? You'd be surprised. Because when I went back to the counter it was gone.Two pair of earrings and then my wallet. Well, my wallet was stolen but,I still feel like it was my fault for not paying more attention to my pocketbook. Foolishly, I thought it was "safe". I hate to lose anything, ANYTHING!!! and most times I am very careful of my surroundings and my personal belongings. The process that I've gone through to cancel and replace my things will be another blog for another day.

I just have too much on my plate right now. Too many irons in the fire and I think I am getting burned out and scatterbrained. We all know that combination never works out for the best. I feel like, I'm hurried and thinking but not thinking.

This is not me, I gotta slow down...

Stay Blessed

I Honestly Love You

- And I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable
_ I'm not trying anything at all



I'm 41 years old. I'm trying really hard to remember my 18Th year of life. To remember that I thought that I know it all.That my shit didn't stink. And I basically remember thinking that my parents were crazy and trying to ruin my life.I try to remember that because I am now dealing with my 18 yr old nephew. I really do not have that many rules. I basically feel like you are not a baby anymore. You have to wash your own clothes and clean up after yourself because, there is no maid service here. I will cook but, try to keep up because It's not an everyday occurrence. I will help you as much as I can so long as you are doing what is necessary ( work or school) to get ahead in life. Of the "rules" respect is a major thing with me. As long as you are in my house...you guys know the rest. This is not a democracy.

I will not in anyway tolerate any type of disrespect of my home or my person. My nephew is quite a handful. He has inherited the " Wendy's Family Name" mouth. I know because I have it too. I've always had it. But, when it came to my parents, my elders; I knew I had to curb it ( or die) . My nephew has not come to an understanding on that.

Yesterday, we were at odds again and I actually had to put him out. I think that act hurt me more than him. But he has to learn to appreciate the things people do for him. I think because we spoiled him as a child, he thinks that is supposed to carry over into his adult life which,to tell the truth,it probably would have had he done the things we asked of him. But as I have explained , he wanted to be a little thug instead. So, my family does not reward bad behavior, grades etc. But he remembers the sweeter side of life, and it almost seems to me that because he is in our 'good graces' again he "expects" us to just do for him. Well that ship has sailed. I am willing to help those who help themselves.


I have not been as angry as I was yesterday in quite some time. I do not want to be in that place. Or let me say I will not be in that place. Not in my own home. At 6:30, this morning, I let the child/young man in. He was cold, hungry and hopefully humbled. I can't say I didn't worry but, this was needed.I have spoken my peace, I have prayed and now I have to let God do the rest. He knows how much I love this kid.









"

Let Your Hair Down

Hair Trauma- Before you guys start clowning me. YES I do have hair! Long thick uncooporative hair. So I like to wear wigs and weaves. They are more manageable for me. I don't have to fight, plead and wrestle with them. Most times...

You get what you pay for. You would think as long as I have been sitting in the weave chair that I would know better. But honey, Sista Lee had a sale on the hair and I lost my mind gathering packs. I used my new cheap hair for my doo for Thanksgiving. After seeing Queen Latifah's hair on the American Music Awards, I had to have that style. Intially, my hair was the bomb! I couldn't quite get it like Queens but it was cute.

Friday - Took a shower, water hit my head. No biggie. I will just flatiron and go!

Uh oh, Houston we had a problem . Now, although Sista Lees hair said 100% human. I don't know which human it came from, because I sat there for 30 minutes with the bumpers and could not get this hair to bend or flip. So I decide to wrap it and sit under the dryer.

Saturday- Wrap didn't work, and the weekend is coming to an end and I'm looking at myself in the mirror saying what are you going to do with this hot mess?So I decide to roller set it. Lawd, why was the hair melting, sticking what the hell ever to my rollers? WTF!!! That is not supposed to happen with human hair!!!!

Saturday night- Pulled weave out head, because the disaster that was once a hairdo has gone to far to save. So now I am sporting hair that sort of looks like this...
as a matter of fact it looks exactly like this. Being I'm not going to any casting calls for the live version of the Boondocks I'm pissed and wondering what I am going to do with not only my hair( which looks like its ready for a fight) but all this hair I bought. Because you know they never take it back, no matter what the reason is. No matter if you have a receipt. The answer is always no!

Sunday- Bushy Ponytail. (Hell, I got some of it to lay down and behave. I can't push it.)

Monday-I'm still pretty hot about my bargain hair. I visit Sista Lee and let her know about my hair don't experience. I explain to her that this hair cannot possibly be human. Perhaps,its marked incorrectly. To my surprise, Lee takes the hair back. (I guess looking at my head was enough to soften her heart). Or the fact that I have put at least one of her children through college . I don't know, but I leave happy. With new hair, yay!

Tuesday- New doo, and lesson learned... again.

Pure Gold

The other day I watched child protective services remove three children from a home that the mother is going to lose next week. Child abuse...the mother had no electricity, gas or water. For nearly two months.The children were sickly. It saddened me because I tried very hard to get her to understand how precious her children should be to her. What she had was a jones...not what you are thinking. She had it for a man. A no good man. He has her nose wide open and to her he is it. the end all be all. No matter what you have to say. Although he is the father of her children he made no effort to support them. He did however stay in the house; playing video games and no doubt drugging and living off her stamps and 236 a month. In my many conversations with her I expressed concern that she was choosing this man over a children. This felon, who had no intention of helping her or her children rise above their circumstances. No intention of standing up and being a role model for his three sons.No intention of marrying her. But she... just loved that man. This poor excuse for a man had convinced her that she didn't deserve any better. That her children didn't deserve any better. At 24 how is life this bleak?

I know people go through trials. I have been through some, who hasn't? But I NEVER stopped loving myself. I haven't been so disillusioned with life that I gave up. Perhaps that's because I'm an optimist. Perhaps it's because I was brought up in a household that nurtured my spirit and built my esteem. Perhaps it's because I believe God IS...and all things are possible through him.

So this young woman was on my mind.Wondering how or, what I could have done differently or said. I pray for her babies.

Smooth Sailing

Now that the workplace is somewhat in order, I can get back to my life. Yesterday I lost my credit card. I've never lost it before. Within 1 hour someone had already used it. Damn, theives are on it! They got some gas on me. Thankfully that was all. I don't lose things. I just don't, especially money, credit/bank cards. I hold onto my things with a death grip. Of course this came after my starter died on my car. So I went into the store ( really to get a damn beer or something) because my car pissed me off but, I was still at work so I got a Pepsi. I remember pulling the card from my wallet to get to my bank card, but I could have swore I placed it back in the slot. I started paying bills last night and noticed it was gone. You know how you can feel it's gone, but want to check and recheck your steps anyway? That was me last night in detective mode.Had I moved a little quicker they may not have got me at all. Finally I cancelled it. Now I have to wait 7-10 business days for a replacement.

Next week I have to go to Ohio. Half of the company will go to Florida. But my half gets to go to cold ass Ohio. That's just great, the only upside is that I will get to visit with my nephew. Yesterday, I made defiant one, the lost one. He is out of my hair. He was incapable of working for a woman, especally a black one so, I set him free. Now my enviroment is more pleasant.

I saw the cutest learning tool for my god baby,it's called a LeapPad and it helps him with reading, language, problem solving and memory. Yeah he's only 19 months but you can never start too soon. I warned his mother when he was born, that I wasn't the one to come to for the clothing labels, but I will help with educating the boy. He's such a cutey though I still get caught in the trap.

Well, it's Saturday and I am going to take it easy, I'm getting ready to throw on some old school, clean my house, and get my groove on. Stay Blessed!

So You Wanted to Meet The Wizard!!!

Hello people, I have been working my behind off! Learning the ropes, getting used to my surroundings. ( I've only gotten lost twice...LOL) Anyway everything is going well so far. I seem to have a really good staff ( except for one) there is always one.This one needs a serious attitude adjustment. I have told him my expectations and given him just enough rope to hang himself. He seems to think my job should have been his. If that were the case then I would still be in Charlotte. Ya Heard! Anyway all and all the place needs organization. There hasn't really been anyone here in two months so these people have been basically doing whatever they please. Which isn't much. I have my work cut out for me. But no complaints mon. This is what I wanted.

This move has taken a toll of my eating habits. My friend does not cook, and eats out everyday. I could do that too. But the thought of being lifted out of my house by crane keeps me from joining her. I have to come up with plan. Light meal suggestions are welcome!!! I've decided that I am going to get my hair braided because this getting up extra early in the morning is killing me. You guys know I don't do mornings. I have managed to smile when I come in though.

There is a new show on tonight called Black Men Revealed. I'm going to check it out and see if I can learn something new about the brothas...
Have a great week. Stay blessed!!!

I Think To Myself What A Wonderful World

I will end this year as I began. By the grace of God. Happy New Year!

Baby I'm Back

What Blogger and I are having is a failure to communicate. Obviously, I misunderstood some of the directions for comments html. Thank you JenellyBean for bringing it to my attention again! I accept that right now Blogger does not want me to add my own flavor to my comment section. So for now, they have won the battle. But the war AIN'T over. Once again, everything appears to be working. Go ahead and give it a shot.LOL


I am officially on the I can't wait to see Dreamngirls list. I found this site DreamgirlsThis fan has posted a countdown to opening day clock , she is serious! She also has a few clips from the movie( spoilers) and articles about the cast. This film looks great.Congrats to Jennifer Hudson for her many awards and her outstanding performance.

Lose Control

Yes I had to change my dress. My slip was hanging. Thank you JenellyBeanfor pointing out the blogger problems to me. I planned to change for the New Year, so I'm just a little early. Blogger always starts out like this..Then after I find a template, read everything related to those html codes,until I get a headache. It starts acting like this... a damn fool!

Hopefully everything is okay now. I sure hope so because I do not want to go through this again. At least not until next year.

I know my sister is screaming at the top of her lungs Please say it ain't so! But ...Allen Iverson is leaving Philadelphia.The News I'm a Bulls/Heat/Lakers fan any chance he could go to one of those teams?