Beautifully Human

As far as "reality" shows go I find TI and Tiny's show to be very positive. There was however one problem child. Shicanna- Tinys hairstylist, she seemed to have no ability to behave professionally, so Tiny suggested they go to an etiquette class. The one standout, powerful point for me was when she was addressing the B word and said her mother had been calling her a bitch since she was four so it didn't phase her.

It didn't phase her. Wow, wow.Wow!!!! You guys know I have very SERIOUS problems with the B word. I don't like it. I don't appreciate it and I don't care what kind of way you try to twist it into a term of endearment, It's a derogatory word, that I don't tolerate. When that word comes out of your mouth to me, I am your enemy. That's how I feel. This woman said that she had been called such since she was 4. Can you imagine how a child feels being called this? A baby. What the hell is wrong in your sick mind that you would look at a child that you carried  in your womb and think that is okay? The saddest part for me is that even at her age she didn't realize that it did phase her. IT DID PHASE HER!!!!. She carried the stigma of Bitch practically her whole life. At some point she had to know that the definition of the word is a female dog, My mother is calling me a dog, my mother thinks I am no better than a dog. How am I to think any more of myself? How am I  to learn to behave in a professional setting and use tact and decorum when I have been led to believe that I am nothing more than a BITCH?How do you process this as a child? I can't process it as an adult.

I immediately understood why she behaved the way she did. I knew this was all she knew and although her behavior was/is obnoxious and over the top, I realized that her bad behavior was a defense mechanism that she had built over the years, she's had to be on defense since she was 4. Her mother was a women in need of counsel and she had probably only done to her child what was done to her. I have heard people call their kids little bastards and muthas and thank GOD for the household that I grew up in. Don't get me wrong, we got cursed out, but not belittled, it wasn't personalized. It was the collective, foot in your asses and smacking the hell out of you type thing. People don't realize they are in charge of molding lives. They were given this blessing from God and they continue to drop the ball.  I pray for this young woman. I pray that she realizes that she can change the pattern, she doesn't have to keep this mentality. She is a beautiful woman, plenty of sass. She just doesn't know and when you don't know how can you do better?  Perhaps, she will see the episode and begin to understand that she needs help as well. I couldn't get into the rest of the episode because those words resonated within my soul. I couldn't imagine my mother calling me that. Even at her angriest.

We have to do better. We have to get this together. We are supposed to be above the animals, the beast  the fowl in the air  and the snake that slithers on its belly. We are supposed to be human. Beautifully....

Wives and Lovers

Hey, little girl,
Comb your hair, fix your make-up.
Soon he will open the door.
Don't think because
There's a ring on your finger,
You needn't try any more

For wives should always be lovers, too.
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you.
I'm warning you.- Dionne Warwick

The first time I could ever remember hearing this song was while watching the movie 'The First Wives Club'. I'm sure I've heard it before  but its the first time I actually listened to words as they related to the picture. For those of you who haven't seen the movie, it's about three ( Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn, and Diane Keaton) women who come together after the suicide of their college friend. This friend, killed herself because her husband left her for a younger woman. She couldn't live with the fact that he no longer wanted her, so she threw herself off her Manhatten balcony. Soon after all three women find themselves in the same predicament as their lost friend. But instead  of killing themselves they decide to make there husbands pay, by killing them. Okay... so they didn't really plan to kill them, that's my spin on it, they planned to make them pay in the wallet. I liked it.

The chorus of the song is true. Women do get comfortable in their lives they feel they've already landed the man so why should they do anything extra. Afterall, they are married, and feel as though their man 'Ain't going nowhere'. We all know this assumption is not true because men do go, it happens all day,everyday. This song was a fitting title  for this post not because of the wives who become comfortable in their relationships, but the lovers. I call the lovers, the girlfriends who are content being girlfriends while doing everything a wife should do. I was once guilty  of this very thing. Women share  households, bills, cars and even children but never the name. Initially, it was not my plan  when I entered into a new relationship  after my divorce to stay with him as long as I did. I just wanted to have fun , but the more time I spent with him  I began to love him. After years together I thought we should be married ,he said he did too. But he didn't, and our relationship began to suffer.  I'm not placing blame on him or I. We just wanted different things and the expectation of marriage was never on the table. But as I look at the time that I spent doing everything married people do. I wonder why women become so complacent. Why do we not demand a ring anymore? Why are willing to give so much of our time and energy to relationships  that will not lead to a marriage? Is it because we fear losing the man we love? That was the case with me when the M word was mentioned. I say if you are willing to do so many things together why not marry? Why do we allow ourselves to commit to men who are non-comittal to us? I may never have the answer but it is a question that I think women need to start asking themselves. He loves your cooking, your style,your sex, everything about you. He doesn't want to even think of you being with anyone else but cannot marry you. What is that about?I have long ago decided that the very next time I live with a man it will be my husband and I'm not saying to  women that you shouldn't EVER live with a man. I believe its essential to couples to know if they can live together. What I am saying is the lovers should be wives too . However  you have to make that clear this is what you desire  in the beginning otherwise you will end up hurt  because your expectation wasn't expressed early on. Once you let your desires be known and he openly says that is not his intention,please believe him and cut your loses.You won't change him. Why should you  try to build a life with man who is unwilling to build one with you? And stop letting him call you his wifey, your not. 

Ladies First

Ladies...

Educate yourself- You know all the celebrity gossip, all the housewives, all the soap operas ( well you use to anyway), all the latest dance moves. all the songs and/or raps on the radio. But cannot name  one book that you have read in the past year. Really?
Leave him- I promise you will live.
Love does NOT hurt-It's not supposed to hurt. Not emotionally, not mentally or physically. If you are crying all the time with him, you might as well cry without him at least those will be healing tears.
Don't charge it!- You really do have to pay for it eventually. Your credit follows you wherever you go, in whatever you do. Guard it!!
 You wanted to have a little pretty baby-  There are too many GRANDMAMA-MAMAS  
raising your babies while you run the street. Grandmamas unite and  say this, You had them, raise them..
 How many tatoos do you  really need?  I'm just saying.... 
On your neck, chest ,arms  under your eye,hands, on your back,toes and legs?
Wear it well- Everyone cannot wear the latest fashion trends- Please find a friend who will tell you the truth and  a full-length mirror.
You are beautiful- No matter what they say!!! Believe it!!!
Forgive yourself-  We all make mistakes, what is most important is that your learn from them and not keep repeating them.
Finally....
 Love yourself- Love only God, before  yourself. You cannot leave loving you up to someone else. Be your own damn best friend, party with yourself by yourself. Dance by yourself and sing like a record deal is right around the corner.  We only get this one chance  so love yourself, all the time!!!

Ok, one more...

Be blessed!!!

So Gone

Ok I am still getting used to this new blogger set up.AGAIN anyway, I was watching Dr. Phil today, don't know why but I was. There was a black ( african american) couple that he was trying to assist with some marital issues. Both, were attractive people. Both seemed to be intelligent, and rational . On Stage...at home there were some serious abuse going on. The woman claimed her husband was cheating and that she had  found different women's numbers in his phone listed under guy names. She had also caught him online with women and he even  hid a picture under their mattress that she found and when asked about it. He said " Oh, dear that is just a women I met online. She sent  it too me. It means nothing  to me" Shhhhhh... The husband claimed  that she had a wandering eye. He claimed that she always flirted with other men in front of him and she was the one not to be trusted. He claimed that she even forced him to have " inspections" when he came home ( Really?) So of  course,they would get into major arguments, sometimes physical  and as far as he could remember he had even spit into her face. TWICE... You didn't hear me. TWICE. 

Lord I thank you because I swear I am not the jail type, but some things I am sure will have me real close to serving time.

This couple has 4 children and the wife stated she wanted to seek Dr. Phil's help because she wanted her family. She wanted her husband to trust her and wanted their marriage to work. All the while the husband appeared indifferent. I understand, anyone who had ever been in love wants this. No one enters into a relationship especially marriage  thinking OK,I'm going to give this six months. Unless you happened to be named  Kim or Evelyn. But that is a blog for another day.  No one wants their families broken up but when is enough, enough? When do you realize that this is not worth it. Children are smart. Especially these children growing up now.Do you really think they don't notice when mom and dad are at odds?. Do you really think you are hiding it from them.? As parents what examples are you setting for children ? Abuse is abuse  whether its physical, mental, or verbal. Of course Phil was unable to resolve  the issue in this one hour and offered further counsel. I'm just wondering why it takes people so long to realize some things don't need saving. Sometimes you just have to let go and be gone....

Be Blessed Peeps!!!

Obama 2012!! Vote!!!!

Give It To Me Baby

It's the men against the women again. Sort of...while having a discussion about Kobe and his wife the men began shouting. " She's a trifling bitch!!" " Another.."Why does she deserve half his money and a three estates?". Another shouted " He got robbed". But the discussion took a different turn when the women began to chime in. " Yes, getit girl", "That's right she deserved it, she put up with his ass for 10yrs." "She has his babies". Now keep in mind that there are only black women and men having this discussion and it came to an immediate shouting match when one of the men said. " That's why black men want white women, ya'll always trying to take money from us that you don't deserve?" WTF... Are white women immune to divorce, alimony and child support? What kind of statement is that. Ignorant that's what it was. White women have been getting half for years. And just a side note...Kobe's wife isn't a black woman. Do I agree with half, well as a matter of fact I don't. But, I do think that his wife and children should remain accoustomed to the lifestyle that he gave them. In certain cases where the man, is the cause ( because he cheats or just ups and decides that he needs a newer model) Hell yeah, she gets to get half , for putting up with his scandalous ass for years!!! He broke the contract, the only one that really counts the MARRIAGE contract, so in that case it should cause him half. Now back to this idiot. If you want to be with a white woman that is your choice. There is nothing wrong with it. No one can help who they love. However, do not blame black women for your choice. I'm tired of this cop out that black women are hard to get along with, angry, stubborn or whatever else you dig out. Women are women all over the world. We all have a good and bad side. We all go through bullshit with our men. We all get tired. Black women are not the only ones. Perhaps, we are quicker to come to the light and not take your bullshit. But,that's only logical.

Damn, the struggle continues...

I''ve never understood the cat thing in women. I can get along with anyone. If you allow me too... I don't care how pretty, ugly, fat ,skinny, old or young. We are all women. I don't care because I am the best woman I can be. When I look in my mirror... I'm gorgeous...you may not think so, but why should I worry myself over your opinion? I am very comfortable with my own. I was introduced to a woman , not a kid a grown woman, by a aquaintance of mine. Donnie (1)...is a very attractive man...but not inside... so he has never been my type. (2)... He has two (count 'em) baby mommas...ugh correction... now three. Okay...as if this wasn't enough to leave skid marks...(3)... He is a friend of one of my ex's..come on now. I'm coming out of Walmart minding my own business, happy as hell , after purchasing my favorite apple, carmel lollipops and he notices me. He greets and hugs me...and we talk for a minute about nonsense really. Latisha walks up and looks at me as if she caught us making love in her bed. Donnie says Wendy this is my lady Latisha. I say hello.She grunted... I think.... Whatever it was, wasn't english. I turn my focus back to Donnie. She then hugs him from behind and lays her head on his back. Donnie then explains how he knows me. She doesn't really seem to care. She then proceeds to make it known although she is not showing, that she is pregnant by saying..." This baby is hungry Donnie can we go to Taco Bell when we leave here"? I know my face says what the hell are you doing?" Donnie smiles and says yeah... I am so disgusted by now.. I'm out of there...Donnie shakes her grip gives me another hug, gives me advice about me and my ex and turns to leave. I say "Nice meeting you Latisha". She doesn't say one word. Why?