My mother is going to have surgery again.. Although she has been in unimaginable pain; you would never really know it.She never complains. Never, even when the pain is so bad she can hardly catch her breath. She cracks jokes . Keeps us smiling. She is the smallest one in my entire family. Yet, so very strong. She worries more about her three children's ( all grown) happiness, more than her own. I guess that is a mother's love. Sometimes we take that for granted. We are so blessed to have her in our lives. I'm blogging at six a.m. ( I DON"T DO MORNINGS) because I'm worried,not her. Last night she wanted to talk about her upcoming birthday plans...not surgery. She constantly amazes me. I remember when I was a girl thinking she was put on this earth to make my life a living hell. I'm glad to have come full circle. When I really grow up, I hope that I will be just a fraction of the woman she is.

The Wedding is over! Bride and Groom... Happy as hell. Me..Nutty as a fruitcake. I mean it this time; no more weddings. I will help out in any way possible,.but no more bridesmaid dresses for me. I want to be the one that keeps a watchful eye over the napkins, spoons, candles...whatever. Another thing that made me say okay I have seen it all. How do you bum rush a wedding? People you don't know just chillin' at your table. greeting you like family, eating and drinking more than the invited guest. Why nobody knew half of the people doing the electric slide? Security!.... I've decided that I need just a few things to get married now..(1) love, (2) Rock,(3) Judge(4) A white dress.. Of course!

Okay so the previous blog did post. I feel dumb. Just so you know my computer was tripping and I don't feel like correcting all the mistakes. Enough said. Now about this wedding...I have been paired with a pimp wanna be. Not even a new and improved millenium pimp. I have the pimp wanna be from the 70's. He actually says ( Foxy, Jim, Skin and a few other phrases I remember hearing in the movie Willie Dynamite).. This brother is stuck in a time warp and why was I chosen to walk with him? Because I'm short. Correction because he is short. So once again, I get shafted. I have to learn how to walk in heels. Coverage of children being abducted is worrying me. There is just enough sickness in this world to make me think if I had children I would be a paranoid , crazy, deraaaanged mother when it came to my child. Yet, today there was an hour long program letting parents know what needs to be done to protect their children. Question: Why do you need to be told that a 3 year old needs constant supervision? Wiz moment....Don't nobody bring me no bad news... Gotta go..relearning the funky chicken so I can dance with Willie.....

I had a brush with death or so I thought...Until a read someone else's blog. I'm still laughing. You know who are.Haha. Mine was with my father. My father who knows everything there is to know about cars, EVERYTHING. ( of course) Silly me womehow I'd forgotten that. I was telling my mother that I thought my breaks were going. Sometime between that conversation and watching my car drive down the street. My dad took it upon himself to test my breaks. He is not the type repair things the type to repair a car they way, say, a mechanic would. He has his own special way. So needless to say I'm screaming " Oh my God!" and without thinking I jump in the car with him. Some people love their cars too much. Not me. I just love it more than the bus. So he decides to test the breaks by driving really fast and then stopping. So as I'm writing Help Me to passerbys I'm thinkingand wondering just how much my daddy loves me. He stops, then continue within the speed limits and he's acting as if what he did was normal. He's talking while I'm praying and when we get home my mother and sister are looking at me like why ? I couldn't answer that then. I can't answer that now. But when dad asks me did I get the breaks done. I will say yes whether they are or not.

Wow...It seems like I started this blog a lifetime ago. Monday I turned 36 and unlike most women...okay I lie. I may have lowered the number once or twice.. Today a young man held the door for me and when I said thank you he said " no problem ma'm." AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ! At that moment, I was heated but, I guess I am well into ma'm years. But, I don't see a ma'm. I see no change...maybe a little more weight in my face. No crows feet , laugh lines or wrinkles. But obviously something has changed. Everyone that comes to my home looks at my graduation picture as says " who is that?" or " Is that your sister?" Then I promptly ask them to leave my house. Jokes aside...I remember losing it when I turned thirty...I thought I was a washed up old hag. I had no kids, no husband. Strange what time will do....I'm 36... and for that blessing...I am grateful.

I made it! My mind is mush but I made it. I haven't studied this much in years. I really did think that my mind was just as fresh as it was when I was younger. Not! I was annoyed at first because I had to be up ( AGAIN) at 5 in the morning. I'm not a morning person. Never have been. So , of course, the reason for my memory being gone was because my mind was still in sleep mode.. Or so I thought. As the day rolled on I still couldn't remember simple things like... where I parked my car. ( I solved that by being early enough to park in front so that I can see my car when I walk out the door) Thank God no one else has the same kind of car . I don't remember numbers the way I used to or even names. I'm still pretty good with faces. I still recognize the woman in the mirror. Although her name escapes me sometimes. Mom? Hmm. Oh yeah, mom is the light skinned woman remember? Okay...St. Johns, lifetime supply please...

Is this forewarning? I just woke up and made a mad dash for the shower. Luckily I set my clothes out the night before and I have been wearing this doobie so all I have to do is unwrap it, style and apply my make up ( that would be lipstick, eyeliner and mascara )and go. Only my clothes aren't ready . I'm looking for my curling irons , because my doobie has become a don't be. My alarms ( I have two)... didn't go off . So, I'm grumbling and angry with myself for not setting the clocks. I'm thinking of what excuse I'm going to give ( because " I overslept" , just isn't creative enough) and really upset because I hate to be late. I notice that it's cloudy out today and it will most likely rain so, I'm mentally running through everything in my closet; that I would want to wear on a rainy day. I walk past my computer and notice the time. It's 7:42, and I think that maybe I shouldn't have taken this position because it's obviously driving me crazy. Because it's 7:42 PM...okay. I'm setting both clocks after this blog. Thinking of running out and purchasing a third...

It's that time of year again. I do this to myself every year. The tax man cometh and he comes for me the quickest. All year long I pay out the ass and at the end of the year I'm penalized even more. I don't live off my gross ya know... DAMMIT! Anyway, I will sit and wait with a million others who have waited for this day, because I owe and I know it. So I'm hating, I'm hating Sam and his cronies. I'm hating that I just got my social security information and knowing at this rate, even with my savings ; I will have to... 1) win the lottery 2) Become a very sucessful writer or 3) work until I drop dead because there is no way that I can live off the projected payment. Who calculates this shit? Can I have my money now please! I'm hating that if I were to drop dead, nobody could collect for me the money that I have already put into SS. I'm hating everything about this system right now. And since I'm full of hate right now... ( tangent!!!!!!!)....I'm still hating Alicia Keys and wondering how in the hell you win album of the year and only have two songs played ( over and over again) from the album? We heard the remix, the club mix, the mega mix, the latin mix, the ridiculously long ghetto mix, but it was still the same damn two songs . Yeah I said it. Back to topic... The tax man cometh and he comes for me the quickest, lest me prepare my offering.

I've had to take time to regroup.... Some things that used to be important in my life aren't anymore. For instance, I used to be so hurt when I didn't get along with everyone. They just had to love me, I'm nice. I'm friendly. Well now I'm still nice, still friendly but , if you don't like me I just don't give a damn. You'll never please everyone and life is too short to worry about it. It took me awhile to understand that. I have been studying for my job like I am back in college. It's a sad thing when you realize just how much of your memory is gone. Thank God I don't smoke...I wouldn' t remember shit. I've made a promise to myself to learn a new term everyday. So far so good. My block ( writer's ) is gone and I can think again. Now I have too many ideas. I miss my sister....

Well here I am. My neighbors decided to have a knock down drag out fight this morning and now I can't sleep. I guess I can thank them for the bags under my eyes tomorrow. They can thank me for not calling the police on their behinds. Going back to bed now...grumbling all the way.