Wives and Lovers

Hey, little girl,
Comb your hair, fix your make-up.
Soon he will open the door.
Don't think because
There's a ring on your finger,
You needn't try any more

For wives should always be lovers, too.
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you.
I'm warning you.- Dionne Warwick

The first time I could ever remember hearing this song was while watching the movie 'The First Wives Club'. I'm sure I've heard it before  but its the first time I actually listened to words as they related to the picture. For those of you who haven't seen the movie, it's about three ( Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn, and Diane Keaton) women who come together after the suicide of their college friend. This friend, killed herself because her husband left her for a younger woman. She couldn't live with the fact that he no longer wanted her, so she threw herself off her Manhatten balcony. Soon after all three women find themselves in the same predicament as their lost friend. But instead  of killing themselves they decide to make there husbands pay, by killing them. Okay... so they didn't really plan to kill them, that's my spin on it, they planned to make them pay in the wallet. I liked it.

The chorus of the song is true. Women do get comfortable in their lives they feel they've already landed the man so why should they do anything extra. Afterall, they are married, and feel as though their man 'Ain't going nowhere'. We all know this assumption is not true because men do go, it happens all day,everyday. This song was a fitting title  for this post not because of the wives who become comfortable in their relationships, but the lovers. I call the lovers, the girlfriends who are content being girlfriends while doing everything a wife should do. I was once guilty  of this very thing. Women share  households, bills, cars and even children but never the name. Initially, it was not my plan  when I entered into a new relationship  after my divorce to stay with him as long as I did. I just wanted to have fun , but the more time I spent with him  I began to love him. After years together I thought we should be married ,he said he did too. But he didn't, and our relationship began to suffer.  I'm not placing blame on him or I. We just wanted different things and the expectation of marriage was never on the table. But as I look at the time that I spent doing everything married people do. I wonder why women become so complacent. Why do we not demand a ring anymore? Why are willing to give so much of our time and energy to relationships  that will not lead to a marriage? Is it because we fear losing the man we love? That was the case with me when the M word was mentioned. I say if you are willing to do so many things together why not marry? Why do we allow ourselves to commit to men who are non-comittal to us? I may never have the answer but it is a question that I think women need to start asking themselves. He loves your cooking, your style,your sex, everything about you. He doesn't want to even think of you being with anyone else but cannot marry you. What is that about?I have long ago decided that the very next time I live with a man it will be my husband and I'm not saying to  women that you shouldn't EVER live with a man. I believe its essential to couples to know if they can live together. What I am saying is the lovers should be wives too . However  you have to make that clear this is what you desire  in the beginning otherwise you will end up hurt  because your expectation wasn't expressed early on. Once you let your desires be known and he openly says that is not his intention,please believe him and cut your loses.You won't change him. Why should you  try to build a life with man who is unwilling to build one with you? And stop letting him call you his wifey, your not. 

Ladies First

Ladies...

Educate yourself- You know all the celebrity gossip, all the housewives, all the soap operas ( well you use to anyway), all the latest dance moves. all the songs and/or raps on the radio. But cannot name  one book that you have read in the past year. Really?
Leave him- I promise you will live.
Love does NOT hurt-It's not supposed to hurt. Not emotionally, not mentally or physically. If you are crying all the time with him, you might as well cry without him at least those will be healing tears.
Don't charge it!- You really do have to pay for it eventually. Your credit follows you wherever you go, in whatever you do. Guard it!!
 You wanted to have a little pretty baby-  There are too many GRANDMAMA-MAMAS  
raising your babies while you run the street. Grandmamas unite and  say this, You had them, raise them..
 How many tatoos do you  really need?  I'm just saying.... 
On your neck, chest ,arms  under your eye,hands, on your back,toes and legs?
Wear it well- Everyone cannot wear the latest fashion trends- Please find a friend who will tell you the truth and  a full-length mirror.
You are beautiful- No matter what they say!!! Believe it!!!
Forgive yourself-  We all make mistakes, what is most important is that your learn from them and not keep repeating them.
Finally....
 Love yourself- Love only God, before  yourself. You cannot leave loving you up to someone else. Be your own damn best friend, party with yourself by yourself. Dance by yourself and sing like a record deal is right around the corner.  We only get this one chance  so love yourself, all the time!!!

Ok, one more...

Be blessed!!!

Imagine

Barack Obama, President. My President. The President of the entire United States of America. It is so sickening that people cannot accept that. As I listen to and read certain comments it is becoming more and more clear that these united states have definitely become so divided in the past four years and I no longer question why. I wanted to believe for a very long time that this was not about his race. I wanted to believe that people were truly at odds with his views on healthcare reform, ( beats me why people would so hate this idea but have no problem having to have CAR insurance) his foreign policy, economics, his leadership or basically anything  but his race.But since his re-election bigotry has reared its ugly head in ways that I have not witnessed before. These people are not willing to compromise on any level . They damn near slap the olive branch out of your hand when extended. How can we heal as a nation when you are unwilling to compromise? When you are so consumed with hatred that you would rather see the whole shit blow up  before you give an inch. Where does that kind of thinking come from?

Ignorance?  Upbringing? Superiority complex? Entitlement? Let's talk about that for a moment. Romney's statement about the 47%... you know the one. I believe he got it wrong, lower/ middle class are not the ones who feel like the are entitled , clearly, White men are the ones who feel they are entitled to something. They are coming up with every excuse they can think of as to why they lost except the obvious. People would rather vote for someone who at least seems like they give a rat's ass about your well-being. Romney did not come across as being a person I think would understand my needs. He couldn't understand the struggles of the average american. He has not had to struggle for anything.  He also had some other issues , that let me know wholeheartedly that I would have never voted for him. But had he won....  Yeah , I would have been   heartbroken,and I would have been angry but I would have also had to accept the fact that he was the President. My President.  The President of these United States.I would have adapted.

How do we move forward? How do we begin to heal? Do we continue on this path of destructive thinking or do we come together and rebuild this nation. He is after all, going to be President for the next four years. My President. Your President, of these United States. Imagine if we all worked together as one.

Be Blessed peeps!!!

Wonderful

Yesterday we celebrated my fathers 75th birthday. He had a great time. It was the first time that we had taken him out to do so without my mom. Without his better half. You have to understand that my father was already the type that NEVER wanted to go anywhere, mostly because he is not a people person, so getting him out was for the longest like pulling teeth. To  make the job even more impossible our beloved family   pet died yesterday. So I just KNEW he was going to say "Hell no , I won't go!" But he surprised me. I watched him as he picked his clothes out ( coordinating ) and preparing to go, and it seemed he actually was looking forward to going. He made light conversation and even cracked a few jokes on our ride there. I love this man. He has taken care of us his whole life. I know there were times when he held three jobs  to make sure that we had the money for everything we needed. ( and many wants). When did he sleep? I don't recall him ever complaining, not to his children anyway. Just always doing what needed to be done. He is still in good health and has all his faculties in check. Wish I could say the same for me.

He loved the prayer I said before our meal, and the meal itself. Our gift really blew him away, (Cash) because there are no more gadgets, clothes, cologne, tools, underwear, or anything else we could ever buy that  he doesn't already own. My siblings and I were happy to do it for him and now my only wish is that we do it more often.This is the man who has always set the finest example of what a father and husband to me should be. The reason why I can see through cat who doesn't quite come up to par and can walk away without looking back. I can't settle for the okie doke. I've had his example my whole life. And at 75 I am still in awe. To him, well  I'm still his little girl. And although sometimes I don't want to hear  the long talks or advice, I am so blessed to be able to hear it. That's wonderful.

Be Blessed!!!

Obama 2012!!!

So Gone

Ok I am still getting used to this new blogger set up.AGAIN anyway, I was watching Dr. Phil today, don't know why but I was. There was a black ( african american) couple that he was trying to assist with some marital issues. Both, were attractive people. Both seemed to be intelligent, and rational . On Stage...at home there were some serious abuse going on. The woman claimed her husband was cheating and that she had  found different women's numbers in his phone listed under guy names. She had also caught him online with women and he even  hid a picture under their mattress that she found and when asked about it. He said " Oh, dear that is just a women I met online. She sent  it too me. It means nothing  to me" Shhhhhh... The husband claimed  that she had a wandering eye. He claimed that she always flirted with other men in front of him and she was the one not to be trusted. He claimed that she even forced him to have " inspections" when he came home ( Really?) So of  course,they would get into major arguments, sometimes physical  and as far as he could remember he had even spit into her face. TWICE... You didn't hear me. TWICE. 

Lord I thank you because I swear I am not the jail type, but some things I am sure will have me real close to serving time.

This couple has 4 children and the wife stated she wanted to seek Dr. Phil's help because she wanted her family. She wanted her husband to trust her and wanted their marriage to work. All the while the husband appeared indifferent. I understand, anyone who had ever been in love wants this. No one enters into a relationship especially marriage  thinking OK,I'm going to give this six months. Unless you happened to be named  Kim or Evelyn. But that is a blog for another day.  No one wants their families broken up but when is enough, enough? When do you realize that this is not worth it. Children are smart. Especially these children growing up now.Do you really think they don't notice when mom and dad are at odds?. Do you really think you are hiding it from them.? As parents what examples are you setting for children ? Abuse is abuse  whether its physical, mental, or verbal. Of course Phil was unable to resolve  the issue in this one hour and offered further counsel. I'm just wondering why it takes people so long to realize some things don't need saving. Sometimes you just have to let go and be gone....

Be Blessed Peeps!!!

Obama 2012!! Vote!!!!

Stormy Weather

I was working as a leasing agent after Hurricane Katrina. My complex along with so many others decided to open our community to some of the many families who had to relocate here after the tragic event. I will never forget the looks of hopelessness and lost that so many had. Nor will I forget those who were just thankful to be alive. They didn't care that they had lost their whole material lives or that they were thrust into an unknown new world. Just grateful that God spared them and their families and for the chance to begin again. As Issac looms in on the Gulf coast again, I pray for these families. I pray that the levees hold and we do not have a repeat of Katrina. I pray God covers them. I also pray that if disaster is to be that the gov't does what's its suppose to this time.

In other news... CYA is in full effect at work. It should have been all along  but you know  me always giving people the benefit of the doubt. I  no longer want to fight,what's the point. I just know what I know and there is no coming back from that.

President Obama 2012!!!! Be blessed ya'll.

Before I let Go

I hate liars and thieves, I really do. I know hate is a very strong word but it is really how I feel. If you want to be that type of person then I suggest you not be around me. Anywhere. I'm trying very, very hard to have my best WWJD, moment. But as you all know,God is not through with me yet.I am a work in progress and sometimes.... I blank. I'm not proud of it, but I haven't mastered turning the other cheek, yet. I have been taken advantage of here people. I have been lied on and it bothers me to the point where I just feel like...

Pray for me, or them.

I'm Walking

I have been hurt by people. We all have. People that I thought were friends who proved to me time and time again that they were not and I accepted them back into my fold. I made excuses for their behavior, I gave them the benefit of the doubt. For most of my life I had a need to be accepted because I was always the friendly one. Always the one who would make the peace when others in my circle fell out. Always the one to crack a joke or two to make eveyone smile. So I just knew people would love me , why wouldn't they? As I grew older the need to be accepted by people started to wear thin. I called myself surrounding myself with people who loved me as much as I loved them. People I chose to call FRIENDS. Now, I don't use that word lightly. You have to earn that. So when people that I chose to call friend broke the code ( Friendship)I'm done. I wish you no harm, or ill -will . I am just done. I no longer call you ,text message, hang out with you, facebook or twitter you. Once I have expressed to you how hurt I am by your actions that's it, the end of our communication forever, as far as I am concerned. Some may call that harsh but, I have my own heart and feelings to protect. I no longer give people the opportunity to harm either again. So being that I have said all this , two, nearly three years ago I stopped talking to two of my so-called friends and since then they have been trying to get back in my life. I know why, not bragging but , I am a EXCELLENT friend and they realize the lost. That and I have always been so damn forgiving. But I am standing my ground this time because serious ( I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS SHIT TO ME) Lines were crossed. I have tried ignoring them, I don't return calls, text messages or anything else. I lie, one had a sister who passed and she shared and I offered my condolences to her and her family but nothing else since. So why do they press on? Guilt, I think because they had something good and they let it go. And I'm not going to lie. I do miss them and I cherish the good times we had and I wish things weren't they way they are. But they are and it is what it is...I'm walking...

I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing

Anthony Evans vs. Jesse Campbell: "If I Ain't Got You"


Please do yourself a favor and click the link above if you did not witness these two brothers singing on The Voice last night. My friend Frank who some of you know as " Luke Cage" mentioned he never heard a Rhiana song. I countered until little Miss Sophia appeared on the Ellen Show I never heard a Nikki MInaj song. People like what they like. I can't knock these kids for saying what is playing on the radio now is the best thing since sliced bread, because they haven't been exposed to the music I appreciate( Or they have and think my Ol' school sucks). My parents didn't think there was much to the music I enjoyed as a child. But when true, raw talent is before you how can you not enjoy it? I mean almost ever genre is represented on The Voice, and every judge was absolutely blown away. These two men have a true gift from God and it just makes me wonder. How is it that you can have absolutely no talent at all( Except that you have a beat and dance moves) and make a 1# hit but,have people who are extraordinarily talented and are still trying to make it? This is where the music industry is lost to me, and why I love this show because it's not about appearance, dance moves or beats. It's about pure talent,it's about the voice. If anyone within the industry is out there listening. Give both of these gentlemen a chance.

Sometimes I Wonder Why

This has been a week. I didn't watch Whitney's funeral. It was just too much for me. I know that they sent her home well though. I have been avoiding the media attention to the matter. I pray for her child, her family I pray for those that speak ill and unkindly. People are so quick to assume the worst. I have heard so many opinions and I just have to wonder. Do you really know? I've always said that I want to be comfortable, never wealthy. Never so famous that I can't walk down the street without a camera in my face. I can't imagine how hard life was for Whitney. I can't imagine having any issue with drugs. I'm thankful, but I'm also saddened because whatever her demons were, they were hers and she dealt with them the best way SHE knew how.I've had one friend say when you take on a celebrity status you give up part of your life. This may be true, but to what extent? I don't think paparazzi, should be allowed anywhere near their homes or private affairs without serious repercussions. I think people are so much in awe of celebrities they develop a need to know every detail and go too far. They forget, that they are human beings; and they have to go through ups and downs with the world watching.Just think of that for a minute. Think of your most embarrassing moment that only you and ( a few others) know about. Can you imagine the world knowing?Aren't we all guilty of making poor choices? Some I know are worst than others, yet we all have. I cannot judge Whitney as so many have. I have my own salvation to worry about and my judge is the only one I will have to answer to. I never knew death, until my mom died. There, I've finally said it. I always say passed because I can accept that more. I'm working through it,( Another blog, another time). I said that to say, let this woman rest. I think the thing that keeps my sanity is knowing that my mother is resting well.Although she meant the world to me. My family and I did not have to deal with the crap the Houston family has an will have to. . We have lost another extraordinary talent, yet they lost so much more. The most beautiful thing we can do to celebrate, cherish and honor her is to let her family grieve and let them be. Rest well Whitney.