Monday, May 29, 2006

Today Was A Good Day

Another holiday spent with close friends and family. I was counting all my blessings today. Mom and Dad are fine and in good health again. Hell they have less aches and pains than me. My brother even dropped by for a while. He looks good. I missed my sister today, her laughter and crazy sense of humor. I guess more so because T lost hers yesterday. I know how close they were. As I looked at all the love that I was surrounded by today, I said a special thank you to God. For letting those I love most be here to celebrate with me. So many have lost someone this year, be it here at home or at war. I pray that I never take them for granted.

T's sister died doing what she loved. Playing bingo. She had actually won. She started to yell out and suffered a massive stroke, and we think an aneurysm because witnesses say that she grabbed her head not chest or arm. There was also a lot of bleeding in her brain. She was 43, not 46 as I thought. T is doing as well as can be expected. Although, she tried to sound upbeat when I called, I knew better.. She told me that they plan to bury her either Thursday or Friday. I will attend.

Cherish every day, Love those that love you. Tell them you love them. Show them. Right now I'm loving my good days and my bad. I'm loving every ache and pain. I'm loving my life....

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Gone Too Soon

I was listening to my messages, you know the listening you do when you are not really listening. 1)'What's up girl blah, blah, blah'. I saw such and such" ...I'm taking off my clothes. Not really listening. 2) "Damn where you been? I've been calling all day?" Not really listening. Where are my slippers? I live here alone and still can't find things. I believe little munchins live here with me and are moving my things around. Are you still talking...I'm not really listening. I should have stopped and picked up some apples. i'm not going back out. 3)"Wendy this is T" Oh, T called. I need to go by there and see her baby. I know she is having a cookout. Why is she talking so low? You know I can't hear. And I'm not really listening. "... my sister died today, call me as soon as you get this message." Okay, I'm listening. My girl was 46. 46, years old.I don't even know how yet because I haven't called her back yet.I'm numb. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry is not enough. I don't deal well with death. Damn...

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Someday You're Gonna Be Old

Various aches and pains have been taking over my body. I have been trying to ignore the fact that my right thumb and wrist feel like they want to disconnect from the rest of my hand. I go to reach for things and sharp pains shoot through my hand. I think of have CTS. I've been putting a doctors visit off for the longest. Being that I type A LOT at home and work, I've been trying to self medicate and pray that these symptoms it will go away when the weather breaks.
Tonight I went dancing and realized that I have become a true two-stepper. If I had the gall to drop it like it was hot, that's where I would remain, at least until someone helped me up and off the dance floor. My latest dance steps are courtesy of my left knee. An old injury, that I re-injured at my previous job. ( I told y'all they were trying to kill me) I could always do the latest dances with no problem ( not that I want to do some of them) I at least could before. I've become more accurate at predicating the weather than our local meteorologist...I'm just thinking right now...I haven't even reached forty yet...Damn.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

The Reason Why I Sing

I have been completing a few novels for about a year. I need to really put my head in this and get it done. I just have to discipline myself. I find myself wanting to write most when I need to relieve some stress. That's when the imagination seems to be working best. It's just lately I haven't needed to so much ( Thank God). I think my previous job was the reason for me completing as much as I have. It was either write or serve some serious jail time. So my time there was good for something.It's just I have so many ways I want to go so I decided to let two of my coworkers read 4 chapters from each story that I'm working on. I just asked that they give constructive criticism, I can take it. Before I went to bed one of them called and wanted to know if I had anymore chapters, because she would come and get them. I told her I did, but she would have to wait for the printed version. Her exact words were." This shit is wrong, how can you suck me in like this and leave me hanging". The next day the other asked if I needed an agent so we could both quit working there because this was a bestseller. I had them switch and they loved both stories! I mean to the point they were threatening bodily harm if I don't finish. Everyday that I come to work I am getting emails asking did I write anything the day before. Although I have been lying to them, I have decided to get a move on. When I decided to create these characters, I wanted them to be believable. I wanted people to be able to connect to them instantly. I wanted them to be able to say " Hey I know this person or is she writing about ME!" Which some of my girls will think immediately. ( ALL NAMES, DATES AND PlACES) have been changed to protect the guilty. So, I won't have to worry about a " Best Man moment. To have people love what you LOVE to do is a wonderful feeling. Got my wind back y'all. I'm saaaanging!

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Just My Imagination

Damn the finale for Grey's Anatomy was good. Got me to thinking about a few things going on in my life. I don't have a steady in my life, well not to speak of anyway. But I would just love to have someone looking at me like McDreamy was looking at Meredith tonight. Hell, even when I did have an "other" I can't remember him looking at me like that. (I can remember me looking at him like that though) Anyway, it got me to thinking about my LIST the things that I want in a man. Still not settling. The struggle continues... There was a character on GA tonight that gave up her career for love. I know it's fiction but people REALLY do love this much. There is no one that I have dealt with in my past that I would give up my family, friends or career for . ( I will note God has not made a man that would make me give up my family)I have felt genuine love for these people, just not that type of love. Not that I think that I am incapable of love for someone that comes close to it. I just won't go bananas. Maybe it's because of these past relationships that I have developed this stopping point. Maybe it's the fear that makes me so protective of my heart. ( Perhaps overly so). Or maybe because I really don't give the brothers a chance anymore. I know you are suppose to learn from the past and let it go. Don't take any of that shit to the next relationship, but can you really help it? Isn't a part of your being changed after heartbreak? Can you help but be a little ( suspicious)? In my heart of hearts I do believe in love,I know that a man and woman can love one another with every breath. I see that in my parents...44 years ...and they're still together. I think of my LIST and I do know that because of it I have (ran) from men that may have made loving companions. On the other hand every time I have gone against my LIST it has turned out to be the wrong move. I honestly do want a love people write songs about,sonnets about, movies about, televisions shows about. I do want to complete someone and have them complete me. However, I know I am guilty of wanting but not willing to make myself that open to receiving it. Does that make me resistant to true love? Does this mean I am selfish or just cautious? Or could I be in serious drama mode and this is all just my imagination...Running away with me.

Monday, May 15, 2006

I Love Me Some...

I love this show I mean this for me, is by far the best hour on television. I have to see it. I don't want anyone calling me. If you are visiting you have to be quiet until commercial break..Better talk fast because you have 2&2. I mean I have loved others. Back in the day there was LA LAW, ER,I still long for The Practice and I like it's spin off Boston Legal, but for this show everything pauses. The cast is just , they are all believable. Not to mention this man... not to be confused with... just because they both happen to be black actors named Washington. We All still know D is my heart and the man...Whew I digress. I love this show, tonight Isaiah Washington's character (The other Washington, and not to damn shabby himself) was shot and then they announced that the finale is tomorrow night . Now I have to figure out the VCR, because tomorrow I won't be able to look at it and NO I don't have a dvr...Why couldn't they just air it Next Sunday?...

Sunday, May 14, 2006

I'll Always Love My Mama!!!

I spent the day with my mom yesterday because I won't be able to today. She is such a great woman. I am so blessed God chose her for me. She was happy with her gift. found her working in the yard, even through her pain. I had to tell her to sit down and take a breather.We didn't do anything special just sat aroung talking, telling jokes and enjoying each other. She is happy, that is enough for me. To all the mothers. Have a wonderful day!!

Friday, May 12, 2006

Money,Money, Money!

All I want is my cash. I changed banks...Woe is me. Who knew without direct deposit for the next two weeks that I would be on a neverending quest for my cash? I feel that on payday as soon as I walk through the door my pay check should be placed in my hand. Of course ,they job offered to mail my check to my home. ( Regular class). Yeah.. I want to pray the mailman feels like bringing it to me. Then that he actually reads my address correctly. I cannot tell you how much of my neighbors mail I get.