Tuesday, January 29, 2002

Sometimes love is wonderful but sometimes... it's only love
( " sang Lutha sang" )

Thursday, January 24, 2002

I''ve never understood the cat thing in women. I can get along with anyone. If you allow me too... I don't care how pretty, ugly, fat ,skinny, old or young. We are all women. I don't care because I am the best woman I can be. When I look in my mirror... I'm gorgeous...you may not think so, but why should I worry myself over your opinion? I am very comfortable with my own. I was introduced to a woman , not a kid a grown woman, by a aquaintance of mine. Donnie (1)...is a very attractive man...but not inside... so he has never been my type. (2)... He has two (count 'em) baby mommas...ugh correction... now three. Okay...as if this wasn't enough to leave skid marks...(3)... He is a friend of one of my ex's..come on now. I'm coming out of Walmart minding my own business, happy as hell , after purchasing my favorite apple, carmel lollipops and he notices me. He greets and hugs me...and we talk for a minute about nonsense really. Latisha walks up and looks at me as if she caught us making love in her bed. Donnie says Wendy this is my lady Latisha. I say hello.She grunted... I think.... Whatever it was, wasn't english. I turn my focus back to Donnie. She then hugs him from behind and lays her head on his back. Donnie then explains how he knows me. She doesn't really seem to care. She then proceeds to make it known although she is not showing, that she is pregnant by saying..." This baby is hungry Donnie can we go to Taco Bell when we leave here"? I know my face says what the hell are you doing?" Donnie smiles and says yeah... I am so disgusted by now.. I'm out of there...Donnie shakes her grip gives me another hug, gives me advice about me and my ex and turns to leave. I say "Nice meeting you Latisha". She doesn't say one word. Why?

Tuesday, January 22, 2002

I am fortunate enough to have a great support system. I have a family and friends that believe in me, sometimes even more than I do. People who inspire me. They're always there uplifting, comforting, scolding, encouraging, praising, embracing and loving...ME... I sometimes take that for granted. I am so thankful for the positive people in my life. Thankful for the energy and desire they give me to keep my eyes on the prize.
The Wind... I am blessed.

Sunday, January 20, 2002

In today's news... Why do people mess with me? I don't mean to toot my own horn. But I'm the coolest person I know. I'm always smiling.. Optimistic...level headed..I could go on..but u get the point. So why does my kindness have to be taken for weakness? Why must I be tried? I'm thinking to myself it's Sunday...I don't want to go to the left today. But the devil...he will get into somebody and send that person directly to me.... ' Ah, Wendy's day is going too well, I need you to do a little sumpin',sumpin' for me'... Queens shouldn't swing if ya know what I mean. But damn I'm feelin this ...And now that you have met Wanda, the one I keep locked away, because she's a damn fool... now that I have belittled, embarrassed and erased you from any further existence in my life...was it worth it?

Saturday, January 19, 2002

Ignorance is not bliss...." your pretty for a darkskin woman" Like my face is a damn fluke...some weird experiment...with results better than expected. What is that about? Is this supposed to be a compliment?
Unfortunately...to be continued...

Friday, January 18, 2002

( Don't Nobody Bring Me No Bad News...another Wiz moment ) I ordered a book from Media Play. I got a call today to come and pick it up. When I arrived I walked back to the books section, customer service desk. I gave my name and told the clerk what I was there for. He had no idea what I was talking about. He explained to me... in detail... that he had just gotten there, and showed me where books were normally placed for customers. Although he was courteous... I was not feeling him. I wanted my book. So after going to the front and asking if it was there he returned and said " Sorry m'am we can't find it." Huh? Now I'm really looking at him like he's a giant bug. So, as calmly as possible, I said " I was called less than 20 minutes ago". His reply was " Well all I can tell you is it's not back here anywhere." I'm sure the horns in my head were showing but it really was not this guys fault, so I said "I would like to speak with the store manger". Wouldn't you know the manager had just left for the evening... it figures. Now I'm at the customer service desk voicing my gripes to the assistant store manager, who obviously couldn't believe anyone could care this much about a book, and she came up with the most brilliant idea... I'm still wondering how I didn't think of it...."'If you leave your name and telephone number we can order it again for you." With that I left... mad as hell and bookless.

Tuesday, January 15, 2002

I call my parents everyday...EVERYDAY...Not because I have to. I want to. I went to bed late...well it was another day. So today I slept and slept . Wouldn't you know the one day that I did this, was the day they actually called me and they couldn't reach me? Given the circumstances I understand them wondering why I did not call...but... I am a very hard sleeper. I know it's something I conditioned myself to because when I lived at home... my people like to get up EARLY and make lots of noise. For no particular reason. Not normal early either, 5-6 am .So if I am asleep..I don't wake up to any noise, except my alarm clock. Not the phone, not the door...nothing. Thank goodness I don't have children. DSS would surely have carted them away by now. Today... My parents..you must understand that I am the oldest of the children but.. the baby. They went straight to flip mode. MOM: Why didn't you call us back? I was worried...We thought something happened to you. That was so unlike you. DAD: I'm not speaking to you right now because you worried your mother ( him too). BROTHER AND SISTER: Pointing, laughing, holding hands, swaying and saying things like " you started it..now your in trouble". ME: I call my parents everyday... EVERYDAY...not because I have to.I want to.

Saturday, January 12, 2002

Met with my girls..for what seems to be our weekly "exhale" session. I listen mostly. To all the horror stories, the heartache. I watch as they pretend it doesn't hurt anymore. I feel the tears behind the smiles. I see the little girls behind the 'tough' exteriors. I hear the real warnings when they say, "This better not end up in one of your books Wendy" Never... but we all go through it. So, last night when one said " I'm so tired of love, I wish there wasn't any in the world.If you hate me, I know where I stand." Wow.. I had to stop running my mouth. A world with no love, hateraid all around. She laughed it off, but she really meant it. I know this because I talked with her about that comment.I thought so long about what she had to say that she inspired the following...

I'm trapped inside myself...my inner being screaming to me
don't give up!
I ignore this glorious part of me...because my heart tells me I must
My dreams deferred,my hopes are shattered, my spirit unwilling to soar
Wounded by scenes I replay in my mind..have rocked my very core
I am living but within restrictions, afraid to try again
Wrapped up in misery....at love I cannot win
So beaten down by this life, so uninspired
I feel hollow inside and my soul is...tired

Sending up prayers girl...it really does get better.

Thursday, January 10, 2002

I always said I wanted more time...If only I had more time. Now I have it and it's too much. I went on another interview today. Of course interviews currently look like casting calls. People practicing their lines...get the script down pat! Playing out the scene in the lobby. Whew! I'm tired of singing and dancing. You know I'm qualified hire me! Jilly hit it on the head.... "I gotta,gotta get up!"

Wednesday, January 09, 2002

Day One

Wow... I was more than a little determined to get this going. I am happy to report the problem did not lie within me.... but the site! I had so much to say...and now that I'm here, I'm blank. So I will have to return. "Can't you feel a brand new day?" I have "Wiz" moments...