Tuesday, December 31, 2002

2002 .From beginning to end it was a hell of a year. Through the good and bad, highs and lows, I made it. Wow! I made it! I hope each of you take time to appreciate what you have. Live, Laugh and Love...Happy New Year!

... Yeah, I think to Myself What A Wonderful World... at least sometimes.

Sunday, December 29, 2002

Women... At another WTE session I was told that I was shallow.{ lacking in depth of knowledge, thought or feeling} . Me.. Just because I said I wouldn't date a man who wasn't tall, educated, black, had all his teeth and spoke English. Moi? I was offended. Yes, I have more on the list but it's called a preference. Does that mean if the man doesn't fit what I perceive as an ideal mate I won't date him ? Well...yes. What is the point? But ,that does not make me shallow. Why should I settle for someone that I am not attracted to? Forget what you heard..looks do matter, I'm not talking about cute or ugly because everyones perception is different .I'm just talking about the the physical. Whether it's the eyes or ass something physical attracts you. I cannot tell what type of beautiful mind, personality,etc. you have from a distance. No one can. I'm attracted to tall men. So I don't date short men. That is my choice. That does not mean that I become violently ill or obnoxious when a short man approaches me.Not at all. There are millions of people who would not date me, for whatever reason. I don't think that makes them shallow. Crazy and confused..yes.. My point is people settle too much nowadays. I won't. I like what I like...
I'm also finding that I am one of few who believe that a man who is involved ( married or otherwise is off limits). How sad is this?????Listen girlfriends...I don't know what's going on with your esteem; head or whatever that makes you choose to play second fiddle. But turns go around and around.

Friday, December 27, 2002

So...I didn't need 315 million anyway. Poverty builds character! I had a very good Christmas.Every year I'm reminded of how many comedians I have in my family. Some of them have really missed their call.My niece who sounds alot like a Muppet has learned to spell her name. So as you can guess, I watched her do it. Over and over again. The thing is, I watched and cheered each time as if it was the first. I still say kids are amazing. Maybe...just maybe, I'll adopt someday.For now I'm grateful for the constant laughter I get from my brother and his children. Watching him go through raising them is payback enough for me . ( He was a real pain in my behind) For all the blessings thank you Jehovah.. Thank you.

Tuesday, December 24, 2002

I was bought to tears by a story in the paperr about a young lady who had been battling cancer since she was 8. She is now 17 and her cancer is a very rare form that causes large tumors on her face. She is dying and she knows it. But she had the most unbelieveable spirit. Although the doctors have given up. She still remains hopeful. I think about the silly crap I complain about and take for granted and then I am humbled. Merry Christmas to all those who take the time to read my many random thoughts.

Monday, December 23, 2002

I watched Santa Claus is coming to town,the other night. I wanted to call my nieces and nephew and tell them it was on but then I thought about it. They will say it's corny. They would... My nephew is 13, and if he can tear himself away from his Xbox it certainly wouldn't be to watch that. My older niece is too much into boys she's 11. Can you imagine that? I was still beating boys up at 14. Going to have to watch her like a hawk. The little one is 4 and only wants to watch Love and Basketball for some reason. Nothing else... Strange. But then again she 's my brother's kid...

Wednesday, December 18, 2002

Better luck next time Larry.I didn't like you as a Celtic anyway. You caused my Lakers grief in the 80's. Mr. Robert Johnson, I'm not mad at a brother. The first black man to own a NBA team. That's what I'm talking about. Congrats, all love. Tis' the season to be jolly! I'm getting there. Really...To help me along I'm starting my days with music.Here are a few songs that really get me all warm and fuzzy in no particular order; even though I may not know the artist:

1. Santa Claus is coming to town - M.J. and his fam
2. This Xmas - Donnie Hathaway
3. Back door santa- Can't say but I like it
4. Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer - The Mighty Temptations
5. Merry Xmas Baby- (Fast Version) I heard it my whole life can't tell you who sings it. I think it's Otis Redding.
6. The Xmas song - The late great Mr. Nat King Cole
I would like to add if you are not with friends or family at this time do not listen to " What do the lonely do" It's depressing. Hell it's depressing if you have loved ones.
I would also like to correct the name of the band I mentioned yesterday it's Harding University High.

Tuesday, December 17, 2002

Back..with lights and heat. Thank God. Still on a tangent.... Trent Lott...u gots some mo splainin' to do. Do I really need to say anymore?... School bonds...We voted { overwhelmingly I might add} to give all the schools the much needed funds improve the conditions and overall education. The school board is trying to renig. Where are my people? What are they thinking? Lord; breaks my heart. Enough. I went to see Drumline this weekend. I likes... and while I'm on the subject... West Charlotte High and Harding High School { Predominately black} have the baddest bands that I have seen outside of college. Recently they were asked to tone down their style so that it was more family oriented. We certainly do not want to see a bunch of half naked girls gyrating and all those negroes high steppin' and showing off their talent. HEY, MARCH IN A STRAIGHT LINE WILL YA ?YOUR MAKING THE OTHER { YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE} BANDS LOOK BAD! A simple form of expression. It has been that way as long as I can remember. Kids being kids and having fun. Rememer the way you were? Leave those kids alone.

Tuesday, December 10, 2002

Okay this is going on just a little to long for me. I'm ready to make a campfire in my living room. Yes, I'm grateful for lights but I need some heat. Gathering around the oven is not working for me. I'm allergic to it. The entire kitchen. The children can go back to school now. So they won't have to be in school during the summer vacation. The grocery store smells like rotting meat. The employees were looking as if they would pass out any moment. I had to go. Whatever I needed could wait. Bread is not that important. Some people have come up with imaginative ways of keeping warm. Like burning charcoal inside. Some have lost there lives. Did I mention how grateful I am?

Thursday, December 05, 2002

I can't go anywhere because there are trees all over the place. There are a million customers without power. I do have power but no heat. I can be greatful for that. I could be sitting here looking at the four walls. A state of emergency has been called. I think I will actually cook today.

Wednesday, December 04, 2002

12 noon - 3p.m. Over 100 accidents in Charlotte. Need I say more.

Sunday, December 01, 2002

Okay my last blog is somewhere in the twilight zone. I had a very good T- day but it's made me think about a few things like... Why do the people who can't cook bring the most food? It seems to me that after your mystery dishes are not eaten year after year you would get the hint. Stuffing is not supposed to be black. Food isn't supposed to taste like you literally ( put your foot in it) I don't care what you say. And why is it that the host always tells these people that bring the awful dishes to bring anything they like?. When asked what they can bring why not say ' Honey just bring your appetite." Or they can have them bring STORE bought desserts, or paper products. Just a thought...Wiz moment (sort of)
Don't nobody bring me no bad food....

Tuesday, November 19, 2002

Mommy is home! God is good all the time! I have really been trying to support the new show Half&Half on UPN , but I have a few concerns...I find it hard to believe that your parents divorce and your mother does not reach some sort of settlement that will keep you from being just above poverty level being that..
1) Your father is a very successful business man
2) He married again had a child and she is treated like a princess;while you are treated worst than Cinderella.
3) Your mother is an educated black woman, with a medical degree
As you see the premise of this show is not working. Not for me. Perhaps it will get better . I am hopeful!

Sunday, November 17, 2002

I don't think there is anyone on earth who will be happier than I to ring in the new year.

Monday, October 07, 2002

I haven't been able to sleep through the night lately. I have new neighbors who must be deeply in love. They are not very quiet. I would leave a note on their door but they do not speak English. Maybe I will draw a picture of two people making love and put a red circle around it with a line through it. Hmm...

Friday, September 27, 2002

My mother is going to have surgery again.. Although she has been in unimaginable pain; you would never really know it.She never complains. Never, even when the pain is so bad she can hardly catch her breath. She cracks jokes . Keeps us smiling. She is the smallest one in my entire family. Yet, so very strong. She worries more about her three children's ( all grown) happiness, more than her own. I guess that is a mother's love. Sometimes we take that for granted. We are so blessed to have her in our lives. I'm blogging at six a.m. ( I DON"T DO MORNINGS) because I'm worried,not her. Last night she wanted to talk about her upcoming birthday plans...not surgery. She constantly amazes me. I remember when I was a girl thinking she was put on this earth to make my life a living hell. I'm glad to have come full circle. When I really grow up, I hope that I will be just a fraction of the woman she is.

Friday, September 20, 2002

The Wedding is over! Bride and Groom... Happy as hell. Me..Nutty as a fruitcake. I mean it this time; no more weddings. I will help out in any way possible,.but no more bridesmaid dresses for me. I want to be the one that keeps a watchful eye over the napkins, spoons, candles...whatever. Another thing that made me say okay I have seen it all. How do you bum rush a wedding? People you don't know just chillin' at your table. greeting you like family, eating and drinking more than the invited guest. Why nobody knew half of the people doing the electric slide? Security!.... I've decided that I need just a few things to get married now..(1) love, (2) Rock,(3) Judge(4) A white dress.. Of course!

Friday, September 06, 2002

Okay so the previous blog did post. I feel dumb. Just so you know my computer was tripping and I don't feel like correcting all the mistakes. Enough said. Now about this wedding...I have been paired with a pimp wanna be. Not even a new and improved millenium pimp. I have the pimp wanna be from the 70's. He actually says ( Foxy, Jim, Skin and a few other phrases I remember hearing in the movie Willie Dynamite).. This brother is stuck in a time warp and why was I chosen to walk with him? Because I'm short. Correction because he is short. So once again, I get shafted. I have to learn how to walk in heels. Coverage of children being abducted is worrying me. There is just enough sickness in this world to make me think if I had children I would be a paranoid , crazy, deraaaanged mother when it came to my child. Yet, today there was an hour long program letting parents know what needs to be done to protect their children. Question: Why do you need to be told that a 3 year old needs constant supervision? Wiz moment....Don't nobody bring me no bad news... Gotta go..relearning the funky chicken so I can dance with Willie.....

Wednesday, August 28, 2002

I had a brush with death or so I thought...Until a read someone else's blog. I'm still laughing. You know who are.Haha. Mine was with my father. My father who knows everything there is to know about cars, EVERYTHING. ( of course) Silly me womehow I'd forgotten that. I was telling my mother that I thought my breaks were going. Sometime between that conversation and watching my car drive down the street. My dad took it upon himself to test my breaks. He is not the type repair things the type to repair a car they way, say, a mechanic would. He has his own special way. So needless to say I'm screaming " Oh my God!" and without thinking I jump in the car with him. Some people love their cars too much. Not me. I just love it more than the bus. So he decides to test the breaks by driving really fast and then stopping. So as I'm writing Help Me to passerbys I'm thinkingand wondering just how much my daddy loves me. He stops, then continue within the speed limits and he's acting as if what he did was normal. He's talking while I'm praying and when we get home my mother and sister are looking at me like why ? I couldn't answer that then. I can't answer that now. But when dad asks me did I get the breaks done. I will say yes whether they are or not.

Thursday, June 20, 2002

Wow...It seems like I started this blog a lifetime ago. Monday I turned 36 and unlike most women...okay I lie. I may have lowered the number once or twice.. Today a young man held the door for me and when I said thank you he said " no problem ma'm." AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ! At that moment, I was heated but, I guess I am well into ma'm years. But, I don't see a ma'm. I see no change...maybe a little more weight in my face. No crows feet , laugh lines or wrinkles. But obviously something has changed. Everyone that comes to my home looks at my graduation picture as says " who is that?" or " Is that your sister?" Then I promptly ask them to leave my house. Jokes aside...I remember losing it when I turned thirty...I thought I was a washed up old hag. I had no kids, no husband. Strange what time will do....I'm 36... and for that blessing...I am grateful.

Sunday, April 28, 2002

I made it! My mind is mush but I made it. I haven't studied this much in years. I really did think that my mind was just as fresh as it was when I was younger. Not! I was annoyed at first because I had to be up ( AGAIN) at 5 in the morning. I'm not a morning person. Never have been. So , of course, the reason for my memory being gone was because my mind was still in sleep mode.. Or so I thought. As the day rolled on I still couldn't remember simple things like... where I parked my car. ( I solved that by being early enough to park in front so that I can see my car when I walk out the door) Thank God no one else has the same kind of car . I don't remember numbers the way I used to or even names. I'm still pretty good with faces. I still recognize the woman in the mirror. Although her name escapes me sometimes. Mom? Hmm. Oh yeah, mom is the light skinned woman remember? Okay...St. Johns, lifetime supply please...

Tuesday, April 16, 2002

Is this forewarning? I just woke up and made a mad dash for the shower. Luckily I set my clothes out the night before and I have been wearing this doobie so all I have to do is unwrap it, style and apply my make up ( that would be lipstick, eyeliner and mascara )and go. Only my clothes aren't ready . I'm looking for my curling irons , because my doobie has become a don't be. My alarms ( I have two)... didn't go off . So, I'm grumbling and angry with myself for not setting the clocks. I'm thinking of what excuse I'm going to give ( because " I overslept" , just isn't creative enough) and really upset because I hate to be late. I notice that it's cloudy out today and it will most likely rain so, I'm mentally running through everything in my closet; that I would want to wear on a rainy day. I walk past my computer and notice the time. It's 7:42, and I think that maybe I shouldn't have taken this position because it's obviously driving me crazy. Because it's 7:42 PM...okay. I'm setting both clocks after this blog. Thinking of running out and purchasing a third...

Sunday, April 14, 2002

It's that time of year again. I do this to myself every year. The tax man cometh and he comes for me the quickest. All year long I pay out the ass and at the end of the year I'm penalized even more. I don't live off my gross ya know... DAMMIT! Anyway, I will sit and wait with a million others who have waited for this day, because I owe and I know it. So I'm hating, I'm hating Sam and his cronies. I'm hating that I just got my social security information and knowing at this rate, even with my savings ; I will have to... 1) win the lottery 2) Become a very sucessful writer or 3) work until I drop dead because there is no way that I can live off the projected payment. Who calculates this shit? Can I have my money now please! I'm hating that if I were to drop dead, nobody could collect for me the money that I have already put into SS. I'm hating everything about this system right now. And since I'm full of hate right now... ( tangent!!!!!!!)....I'm still hating Alicia Keys and wondering how in the hell you win album of the year and only have two songs played ( over and over again) from the album? We heard the remix, the club mix, the mega mix, the latin mix, the ridiculously long ghetto mix, but it was still the same damn two songs . Yeah I said it. Back to topic... The tax man cometh and he comes for me the quickest, lest me prepare my offering.

Thursday, April 11, 2002

I've had to take time to regroup.... Some things that used to be important in my life aren't anymore. For instance, I used to be so hurt when I didn't get along with everyone. They just had to love me, I'm nice. I'm friendly. Well now I'm still nice, still friendly but , if you don't like me I just don't give a damn. You'll never please everyone and life is too short to worry about it. It took me awhile to understand that. I have been studying for my job like I am back in college. It's a sad thing when you realize just how much of your memory is gone. Thank God I don't smoke...I wouldn' t remember shit. I've made a promise to myself to learn a new term everyday. So far so good. My block ( writer's ) is gone and I can think again. Now I have too many ideas. I miss my sister....

Thursday, March 28, 2002

Well here I am. My neighbors decided to have a knock down drag out fight this morning and now I can't sleep. I guess I can thank them for the bags under my eyes tomorrow. They can thank me for not calling the police on their behinds. Going back to bed now...grumbling all the way.

Monday, March 18, 2002

I do not watch soap operas anymore. I haven't since Jessie and Angie were the main story line on All my children but, since I purchased The Sims I have been tuning in to the daily lives of the little people. I manage them quite well... If only my life were as simple.

Tuesday, March 05, 2002

Ran into an ex today. Didn't mean to. He just spotted me before I could make my getaway. He waved hello and I waved back and kept walking. Why would anyone think this was a invitation to come over and attempt to converse? I just want to get my cucumbers for this salad I don't want to eat and go home. Yes, I'm still here, breathing. Imagine that. No, I haven't heard from your cousin...she owes me money,stole my property.Why on earth would she call? I don't care if you FINALLY got the divorce you told me you had when we met. No, I will not call you. I haven't in fours years...Any bells going off yet? Poof !...On a brighter note, those cowards I used to work for dropped their suit...That was smart. However, I will not be dropping mine. Why? 1) Because I have suffered far more than anyone should have to. 2) I have enough evidence to keep them in court for years to come. Wiz moment....So you wanted to meet the Wizard?

Sunday, March 03, 2002

I need to walk more, I knew that already but, this weekend really let me know how much. While walking down South St. in Philly, looking for a spoken word Cafe named Tootie's my back suddenly decided to disconnect from my body. I don't know when it decided to, but it screamed defiantly, " I'M OUT! I'M NOT TAKING ANOTHER STEP!" I was bent over in front of a store praying for a seat, ANYWHERE. I wanted to cry. It was so embarrassing. Then, Sabastian takes my arm and tries to help me along, like some old woman. I wished the earth could open up. My brother,sister and nephew ( family yanno?) , no help at all. They had... jokes, but that's okay. At that point, I did not care. I did not laugh. I had walked 15 blocks and I couldn't take another step if I wanted to. The furthest I walk, is to my car. My back is hurting thinking about it. I have learned my lesson. I will start walking again. Besides, THE WALK , the trip was a good one. She is happy so am I. I didn't cry... My brother ( Mario Andretti) , got us home in record time. He has the need for speed. I didn't complain... much. This is a good time for us...blessings all around.

Tuesday, February 26, 2002

I kept my niece today for four hours. Four very long hours. I can't remember the last time I sang more nursery rhymes or played more games. Thank God for cable...she loves videos. That gave me a little time to re-group. She is phenomenal.She has her own little special language. Half the time I sat there looking like a fool, because I couldn't understand what the hell she was saying. However, the old stand by worked. " Show me baby. Show Aunt Wendy, what your talking about.". Worked like a charm, but I could have sworn she had the what's wrong with this one? face, as she showed me. She has so much energy. I, on the hand, do not. I have come to the realization that my time has passed for babies, toddlers or any little person. Although I enjoyed the time we had together, I am wasted. I could have kissed her mother's feet when she came to pick her up. Not her. As a matter of fact she took the hype-o-meter up a few notches when her mother came. I have to give it up for the REAL mothers again. You are truly special people.

Monday, February 25, 2002

Anyone who knows me knows that Denzel and I have a special bond. Most people can pick a time and date they want to see a movie, show up and view it. I want to be there before the lights dim. I want to be able to choose any seat I want. I want my popcorn and drink, there when the credits start rolling. I want absolutely no interruptions for the next 2 hrs. Not Shawn. I just cannot understand what it is about arriving at a movie 10 minutes into it that excites him. Wandering around in the dark, asking people to move is fun... This is not some no-name newcomer trying to win the hearts and minds of the viewing public. This is Denzel Washington. You don't just show up for Denzel...you prepare. Needless to say. I would not compromise. Was I being bitchy? Maybe, but I know D appreciates it.

Wednesday, February 20, 2002

I'm becoming a T.V. junkie, it's not hard to ignore the tube when you only have six channels, but now...damn cable. I am watching it more and more." Just when I think I'm out...". I have changed my thinking from the other day. Why should I change my entire personality because I was UNFORTUNATE enough to come into contact with assholes? If I do that then they win. It really bothers them to see me smile. They hate to hear that I'm still laughing,loving, singing. Enjoying my life! In spite of them. They want to hear that I am bitter and broken. I will not give them the satisfaction. I'm flashing these pearly whites.Laughing even louder... harder. It's mo' betta' baby. Life is too short. ..

Monday, February 18, 2002

Although I plan to someday write a book about my life.I am choosing at this time to hold off. For the happy ending. I want the story to be believable. The shit going on in life right now isn't. I can't even believe it. So I know no one else will. I'm up though. I'm trying to remain optimistic. If I don't, I don't know what I will do. That cannot be a good thing. I know that turns go around, always do the right thing, and the good will prevail and all that crap.. That's how things are supposed to be. That fairytale is quickly fading in my world. Sometimes I think you have to help the process along and I plan too. I plan to give the process a lot of help. I've grown tired of being Miss Nice when people are giving me their asses to kiss. Very, very tired....

Sunday, February 17, 2002

Sunday comes so quickly... I had a good week. In spite of the litte adventures this week. My funny Valentines day. You make it harder than it has to be...and I can't tell you why. My sis will be moving in two weeks. I'm going to miss her, but it's time. I like the new just do it! commercial.I just thought of that, because I am thinking of her. Just do it! I watched the show Cheaters last night. People never cease to amaze me. Just when you think your life is crazy...

Saturday, February 16, 2002

Note to self... Get missing, should Ronnie ever move again!
I haven't sung in awhile. Not in front of an audience. I know my neighbors are wishing I either...1) cut a demo or 2) shut up! I'm missing my Diva moments... craving that attention....I'm having Karaoke withdrawals...Starting to feel like Duck( I aint sang in years)...I have to go somewhere and sing my heart out!

Monday, February 11, 2002

I have a terrible head cold. Shorty Loco ( that would be my three year old niece) gave it to me. Kids are amazing. Yesterday she was up running around, playing. I feel like someone kicked me in my head. My contract finally came today ( Yeah!!!!!!!), I haven't read it yet. I called Henry to let him know that I have it. I had to get this date in. I have a new theme for my former employer. Thanks to Jah-Jah. " I Think You Better Let It Go." Yeah, I'm feeling that...

Sunday, February 10, 2002

I went to church today. I guess I felt I needed to.I can't remember the last time I did. I didn't really grow up in a family were we had to go. But I still think we are spiritual. One of the deacons wanted me to get baptized but, I couldn't do it. I know they say you are supposed to come as you are, but I couldn't do it. I just didn't feel it. Not yet. Probably because of some of the things going on in my life. I would definitely be perpetrating and that's not the road I want to take. I think when you make a step like that, you ought to have something stirring in you, leading you that way. Maybe it's there and I just don't want to see it. It's hard to get to heaven...and I know I have some issues I need to work on. On the other hand I don't think I'm on the Hell express. They say that God knows your heart and I hope it's true. I hope he sees that I am a good person and I try to treat people with respect. I hope that counts for something. My brother and his family were there too. That was a pleasant surprise for me. Today was a good day...Amen.

Saturday, February 09, 2002

Three months ago my system crashed. I lost everything including the first drafts of my second novel. Of course I saved it so no problem right? Wrong. The disk I saved it to was missing too. Dammmmmmmmmmn IT. Today while cleaning and jamming to Ashford and Simpson's" It Seems To Hang On." I came across an old file from work. Inside was a hard copy! Unbelievable. Needless to say, I'm really grooving now. I might even attempt the Harlem Shake... Brand New Day!...Serious "Wiz" moment!
Why is it whenever you are unfortunate enough to have to deal with any government agency that you encounter mindless, drones who have absolutely no idea what they are doing? I believe it's a conspiracy, these people are actually trained to discourage you. I believe they have to master the art of double talk before they are assigned duties. They must also get at least a 95% while being tested for sarcasm. Acting classes are a must, for the ability to look as if you are trying to solve issues for at least 7.5 hrs, and for the look of absolute surprise if someone becomes annoyed with them. They must also fail every question in the achieving extraordinary customer relations handbook. The person who gets the most people to give up and get the hell on, gets an award and a raise. Just my theory...

Wednesday, February 06, 2002

I have had to let friendships go, because they were not healthy relationships. The person wasn't what I perceive to be a friend.
This is nothing like that, this wasn't done to me. What do you do when someone does something so outrageous, you just cannot believe what they have done? When you discuss it with them, when you express your disappointment all you get is a " well this is me." I can't trust that. I can't trust you anymore... I guess that's what hurts me the most.

Saturday, February 02, 2002

Men... I went on a date with a guy. One date. We didn't click. He was a nice enough fellow just not for me. I then introduced him to one of my girls. I thought they would hit it off because they shared some of the same interest. They dated a few times and as far as I knew, all was well. Tonight he called and we're talking about my girl. He asked if I knew when she was coming back to Charlotte, he hadn't seen her online, etc. Then he lost his mind. Somewhere between hello and when he said... So when are WE going out again? HUH? Maybe I'm crazy but... If I wanted to date you would I have set you up with my friend? I'm certain that's a NO. That's a HELL NO . I said a few things, the nice version being when hell freezes over and hung up. Men...

Tuesday, January 29, 2002

Sometimes love is wonderful but sometimes... it's only love
( " sang Lutha sang" )

Thursday, January 24, 2002

I''ve never understood the cat thing in women. I can get along with anyone. If you allow me too... I don't care how pretty, ugly, fat ,skinny, old or young. We are all women. I don't care because I am the best woman I can be. When I look in my mirror... I'm gorgeous...you may not think so, but why should I worry myself over your opinion? I am very comfortable with my own. I was introduced to a woman , not a kid a grown woman, by a aquaintance of mine. Donnie (1)...is a very attractive man...but not inside... so he has never been my type. (2)... He has two (count 'em) baby mommas...ugh correction... now three. Okay...as if this wasn't enough to leave skid marks...(3)... He is a friend of one of my ex's..come on now. I'm coming out of Walmart minding my own business, happy as hell , after purchasing my favorite apple, carmel lollipops and he notices me. He greets and hugs me...and we talk for a minute about nonsense really. Latisha walks up and looks at me as if she caught us making love in her bed. Donnie says Wendy this is my lady Latisha. I say hello.She grunted... I think.... Whatever it was, wasn't english. I turn my focus back to Donnie. She then hugs him from behind and lays her head on his back. Donnie then explains how he knows me. She doesn't really seem to care. She then proceeds to make it known although she is not showing, that she is pregnant by saying..." This baby is hungry Donnie can we go to Taco Bell when we leave here"? I know my face says what the hell are you doing?" Donnie smiles and says yeah... I am so disgusted by now.. I'm out of there...Donnie shakes her grip gives me another hug, gives me advice about me and my ex and turns to leave. I say "Nice meeting you Latisha". She doesn't say one word. Why?

Tuesday, January 22, 2002

I am fortunate enough to have a great support system. I have a family and friends that believe in me, sometimes even more than I do. People who inspire me. They're always there uplifting, comforting, scolding, encouraging, praising, embracing and loving...ME... I sometimes take that for granted. I am so thankful for the positive people in my life. Thankful for the energy and desire they give me to keep my eyes on the prize.
The Wind... I am blessed.

Sunday, January 20, 2002

In today's news... Why do people mess with me? I don't mean to toot my own horn. But I'm the coolest person I know. I'm always smiling.. Optimistic...level headed..I could go on..but u get the point. So why does my kindness have to be taken for weakness? Why must I be tried? I'm thinking to myself it's Sunday...I don't want to go to the left today. But the devil...he will get into somebody and send that person directly to me.... ' Ah, Wendy's day is going too well, I need you to do a little sumpin',sumpin' for me'... Queens shouldn't swing if ya know what I mean. But damn I'm feelin this ...And now that you have met Wanda, the one I keep locked away, because she's a damn fool... now that I have belittled, embarrassed and erased you from any further existence in my life...was it worth it?

Saturday, January 19, 2002

Ignorance is not bliss...." your pretty for a darkskin woman" Like my face is a damn fluke...some weird experiment...with results better than expected. What is that about? Is this supposed to be a compliment?
Unfortunately...to be continued...

Friday, January 18, 2002

( Don't Nobody Bring Me No Bad News...another Wiz moment ) I ordered a book from Media Play. I got a call today to come and pick it up. When I arrived I walked back to the books section, customer service desk. I gave my name and told the clerk what I was there for. He had no idea what I was talking about. He explained to me... in detail... that he had just gotten there, and showed me where books were normally placed for customers. Although he was courteous... I was not feeling him. I wanted my book. So after going to the front and asking if it was there he returned and said " Sorry m'am we can't find it." Huh? Now I'm really looking at him like he's a giant bug. So, as calmly as possible, I said " I was called less than 20 minutes ago". His reply was " Well all I can tell you is it's not back here anywhere." I'm sure the horns in my head were showing but it really was not this guys fault, so I said "I would like to speak with the store manger". Wouldn't you know the manager had just left for the evening... it figures. Now I'm at the customer service desk voicing my gripes to the assistant store manager, who obviously couldn't believe anyone could care this much about a book, and she came up with the most brilliant idea... I'm still wondering how I didn't think of it...."'If you leave your name and telephone number we can order it again for you." With that I left... mad as hell and bookless.

Tuesday, January 15, 2002

I call my parents everyday...EVERYDAY...Not because I have to. I want to. I went to bed late...well it was another day. So today I slept and slept . Wouldn't you know the one day that I did this, was the day they actually called me and they couldn't reach me? Given the circumstances I understand them wondering why I did not call...but... I am a very hard sleeper. I know it's something I conditioned myself to because when I lived at home... my people like to get up EARLY and make lots of noise. For no particular reason. Not normal early either, 5-6 am .So if I am asleep..I don't wake up to any noise, except my alarm clock. Not the phone, not the door...nothing. Thank goodness I don't have children. DSS would surely have carted them away by now. Today... My parents..you must understand that I am the oldest of the children but.. the baby. They went straight to flip mode. MOM: Why didn't you call us back? I was worried...We thought something happened to you. That was so unlike you. DAD: I'm not speaking to you right now because you worried your mother ( him too). BROTHER AND SISTER: Pointing, laughing, holding hands, swaying and saying things like " you started it..now your in trouble". ME: I call my parents everyday... EVERYDAY...not because I have to.I want to.

Saturday, January 12, 2002

Met with my girls..for what seems to be our weekly "exhale" session. I listen mostly. To all the horror stories, the heartache. I watch as they pretend it doesn't hurt anymore. I feel the tears behind the smiles. I see the little girls behind the 'tough' exteriors. I hear the real warnings when they say, "This better not end up in one of your books Wendy" Never... but we all go through it. So, last night when one said " I'm so tired of love, I wish there wasn't any in the world.If you hate me, I know where I stand." Wow.. I had to stop running my mouth. A world with no love, hateraid all around. She laughed it off, but she really meant it. I know this because I talked with her about that comment.I thought so long about what she had to say that she inspired the following...

I'm trapped inside myself...my inner being screaming to me
don't give up!
I ignore this glorious part of me...because my heart tells me I must
My dreams deferred,my hopes are shattered, my spirit unwilling to soar
Wounded by scenes I replay in my mind..have rocked my very core
I am living but within restrictions, afraid to try again
Wrapped up in misery....at love I cannot win
So beaten down by this life, so uninspired
I feel hollow inside and my soul is...tired

Sending up prayers girl...it really does get better.

Thursday, January 10, 2002

I always said I wanted more time...If only I had more time. Now I have it and it's too much. I went on another interview today. Of course interviews currently look like casting calls. People practicing their lines...get the script down pat! Playing out the scene in the lobby. Whew! I'm tired of singing and dancing. You know I'm qualified hire me! Jilly hit it on the head.... "I gotta,gotta get up!"

Wednesday, January 09, 2002

Day One

Wow... I was more than a little determined to get this going. I am happy to report the problem did not lie within me.... but the site! I had so much to say...and now that I'm here, I'm blank. So I will have to return. "Can't you feel a brand new day?" I have "Wiz" moments...