Just Running Across My Mind

I had a conversation with a friend a few days ago about the love of a mother and child and a sibling. I could not fathom a comparison. But, their arguement was because I was raised to put no one above my mother I wouldn't be able to. I understood that you have love for a sibling completely. I love both my brother and sister. I WILL do anything I can for them and only want the best for them. I pray for good and hapiness for them. However, if there was ever a choice I would have to unfortunately make to choose between them and my mother. MOM would win, hands down,EVERY TIME.No thought process needed. I said "You only have one mother." Their argument was they only had one sibling. I guess this is not for me to understand, because no matter what my sIbling does for me it could never replace what my MOTHER had done for me. This is the woman who gave me life. The woman who fed, clothed and raised me. This is the woman who sacrificed for me, who loved me unconditionally. To tell the truth the statement kind of bothered me and not just because I lost my mom.I understand that everyone isn't as close to ther parents as I am to mine. I understand that. But just the thought of putting anyone on the level of my mother( HELL NAW). So I stated that you are not the norm , because most people say I love my mom/child more than anything on this earth. Most people... I guess I just have to accept that everyone doesn't feel that way and I thank God for the relationship and love that I had/have for mine.

Never

I miss my mom. Today more than ever. It'a strange if that is the correct word knowing she isn't here to share her delicious dishes, humor and love. I wish I could see her once more and tell her again how much I love her. I am thankful today because she did know how much I did, I'm thankful that she isn't suffering and she is somewhere smiling and saying "You made me happy Wendy" I know the type person she was she wouldn't want us to be sad. So today Mom, I will smile, celebrate and honor your memory. I love you. I always will. Happy Turkey day everyone, cherish this time with your family.

Time Will Reveal

Sometimes when I am alone I wait for her. My mother. Hoping like some movie she will magically appear like an angel. I can talk to her, maybe touch her again. She will follow me around and pop in and out of my car. Offer her advice and wisdom. I could make her laugh again until her hernia blows up and she would tell me to knock it off. God, I miss her. So many days I want to pick up the phone and call her to tell her about my crazy days, craZy friends. Her birthday is coming. I hear her saying celebrate her life." Don't be sad when I'm gone because I enjoyed my life and I would do it all over again" I hear it. And I know eventually I will get to that place, just not yet.

Everywhere

My mother passed away on a Friday. April 30th, 2010.From brain cancer. It has taken me some time to be able to come here and type that. I think I am perhaps still in shock, maybe denial. I know I am self diagnosing.Good days and bad so I may also rant here. But follow me if you can. This has always been my answer. I write it all down, it's soothing to me. I had the most wonderful mother on earth, not only the most selfless person you would ever encounter,but just a beautiful human being. I am so thankful to God for her life. For being her child. For giving me 43 years with this amazing woman. Everything that I am and will ever be is because of her. I see her more in my face now, I hear her voice saying you will be okay baby, trust God.Pray.But,this is so hard.For all of us.I'm watching my father and praying for strength for him,because she was his childhood sweetheart and he is broken. I see her everywhere. In everything I do, my mannerisms. My feet, my hands, my face. I have so many good memories, and that is some comfort.I know it's my own selfishness that wants her back, because she was suffering.And I know she is in a better place. She was my friend, my cheerleader, my confidant, my hero and she loved me without condition. I never doubted that and it gives me so much joy to know she knew how much we loved her. She had a husband and three children who worshiped her. She was a strong woman, much stronger than me. She endured so much physical pain and even to her last breath still concerned for us. Always truthful with us, she didn't pull any punches but her advice came from love. And her upbringing molded us, she was proud of us. She was proud of her 53 year marriage and I miss her so much it hurts. My sister wrote this poem which we printed on her obituary. It sums everything I feel, we feel, up. I love you Mrs. Patricia Skinner forever and ever. You're everywhere I am.



I can't even recoginize what gone from me means or what's in between the seen and unseen.

Much like, but not just like God I know you will never leave me, but the aching is insanity.

I've never felt broken into so many pieces, all I am is pieces. Pieces that can't be identified of justified. Pieces soaked in sadness, sprinkled with madness and wrought with love from earth and above.

I know you're busy transitioning and haven't yet begun to practice listening, protecting or visting because it's still such a new thing.

I look forward to your spirit life, and I can't wait to see how your new wings look in my dreams or however you choose to show them to me,I know you'll fit them perfectly, as I reflect this thought with certainty. An angel certainly.

In the Morning

It's been quite some time since I've gotten up early on a Saturday morning. I'd like to say that I did. But you guys know the deal. No mornings for me mon. I scanned the television for shows that I could recognize and there weren't any. Back in the day, the above were the ones to watch. Then around 1pm I could look forward to Kung Fu theater. Those were the baddest cats in the game. They could fight a whole nation for 15 hours straight, get stabbed and walk all the way back to their country and deliver their news before they died....Kids don't know what they are missing.



His last name is Edwards, I assure you Obama had nothing to do with this.Of course the " Breaking News" every fifteen minutes about the problems this man is having, must be followed by a story involving Obama. Please vote! Take someone to vote!



I have to say I was I was shocked and saddened by the death of this man.Another comedian that I liked. Bernie Mac's style of humor was raw, he was not for the faint of heart but, he was the truth and he will definitely be missed. My prayers for his family and friends. May he rest in peace.

Really Gonna Miss You

Another remarkable talent. Mr. Gerald Levert sending up my prayers for his family and friends. May he rest in peace.

It Just Gets Better With Time...

I'm 40 , Four score... I don't feel any particular way. I'm still the same person I was yesterday. It's just saying it out loud. I remember when my parents were 40. How old I thought they were, they weren't,I know that now. I'm 40 yes, but I am much stronger than I was when I turned thirty. I know so much more than I did then. I'm still no ones wife. I may never be again. I'm still no ones mother,yet. But I'm so much more. When I dropped to my knees,last night I thanked God for all of the blessings he has given me. I thanked him for surrounding me with love. I thanked him for my families health, for good friends. For allowing me to be here this long. Today I'm having a "surprise" birthday party. I have to get off here and practice my faces.I'm in a good place. BLESSED!!! I'm 40, I'm fine and I'm fabulous!

Love...

It was a beautiful day. It was a beautiful service. Marcel touched so many lives. Not only her immediate family, but extended family , friends, associates. There was such an outpouring of love for her today. People were coming straight from work to show their final respects. People were going to work late. So many had such beautiful words to express what her life meant to them. The funeral precession was at LEAST a mile long. I know she is looking down from heaven, be proud my sister. Well done, well done... May you rest in peace.

Gone Too Soon

I was listening to my messages, you know the listening you do when you are not really listening. 1)'What's up girl blah, blah, blah'. I saw such and such" ...I'm taking off my clothes. Not really listening. 2) "Damn where you been? I've been calling all day?" Not really listening. Where are my slippers? I live here alone and still can't find things. I believe little munchins live here with me and are moving my things around. Are you still talking...I'm not really listening. I should have stopped and picked up some apples. i'm not going back out. 3)"Wendy this is T" Oh, T called. I need to go by there and see her baby. I know she is having a cookout. Why is she talking so low? You know I can't hear. And I'm not really listening. "... my sister died today, call me as soon as you get this message." Okay, I'm listening. My girl was 46. 46, years old.I don't even know how yet because I haven't called her back yet.I'm numb. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry is not enough. I don't deal well with death. Damn...

Ron O'neal died of cancer last month (otherwise know as Superfly). He was also Whitley's father on A Different World. Rest in peace brother. Today I was marketing for the company and sometimes I feel like I'm beating a dead horse. I'm going to all these chamber meetings and luncheons, making all these contacts and I just feel like I'm hustling backwards. For everyone one that we bring in 2-4 leave. So what are we doing about retention? Nothing! When I mention this in our meetings I'm looked at like I have two heads. All they have to say is...We have to market more, we have to get prospects in here! It's not rocket science people. ( positive) 1 and ( negative ) 2 leaves a ( negative) 1. I think we learned this in first grade.I'm working over , under, past and through time, for what? Lord, please let my business pick up.

A little girl that I used to babysit died. She was three, she drowned in the bathtub. Words cannot begin to express all of the emotions that are running through my head. I only have to believe that Jehovah wanted her to be in a better place. If you are reading this and you have children.. cherish them, watch them every second that you can. They are a precious gift from God and should never be taken for granted.

My aunt died today. Every memory that I have of her has all of a sudden come to my head. I always feared her as a child. She was a corrections officer for Rikers Island for all of my life. She carried herself like one too. Although we grew apart as I got older, you never want to see anyone in your family go. I guess that's where I am now. Trying to deal with the fact that I will never hear that voice again; and wishing I had heard it more often.