Loving You

Happy Valentines Day!!!
Silly me, I asked a few gentlemen if they are ready for Valentines day. I got an ear full. Of how "the man" has made this holiday up. ( Aren't they all man made?) and how this is a day for women and men are made to feel badly if they don't get their wives or girlfriends SOMETHING. They went on and on about how they are doing it everyday for their wives and girlfriends and how this day shouldn't be any different from any other. How this day is for the suckers, who made mistakes and this is a day to make up for those mistakes. BULLSHIT!!!, I say. My parents were married for over 50 years and my father NEVER missed this holiday. My mom has been deceased nearly two years and my father still bought a card and placed it next to her Urn. What is wrong with a day all about LOVE? What is so wrong with acknowledging it even more so today? They argued they paid the mortgage, they paid the light bill. WTH??? Don't you live there too?I'm not taking anything away from the men/women holding it down and doing their things. I'm just saying there is nothing wrong with celebrating that love you have for one another today. Whether it be with gifts or not.Spending quality time together I'm sure would be appreciated by many more than flowers or candy. Watching the kids while you go out. Or even washing the dishes after our meal . It doesn't have to be monetary. That is where I think the confusion comes in with men.If you are really doing all the right things, then even to women this is just another day. But we are sentimental creatures and a card( bought or made. a poem or even an " I love you" written on the steamed up mirror will pull at our heartstrings. With all that is going on in the world, we need to grab every chance we can get to say I love you and you mean something to me.It's not just for women, we are just more appreciative of it, I think. I just don't know how this day became so negative to so many.

Collards and Cornbread

I want something good to eat. I would like to sit down at a dinner table with family and friends and just have a decent meal. The only problem with that is I can't because I have been working everyday. Don't get me wrong. I am happy to have a job. Thankful to God and more than gratefu
l to not have to file unemployment.( Lord knows who came up with those figures). Anyway, I am getting very tired. Just exhausted and I am more than willing to help out but, damn. I have no time for anything. And everyone says " Well the money is great. " I retort " I can't spend it if I'm dead." Money isn't everything. Quality of life is so much more important to me. Since losing my mom, even more so. I want to be able to live each day, happily like it's my last. I'm not asking for wine and song and parties. Just a chance to relax and do what I want to do. Time to see my dad. Chat with my family and friends. Spend quality time with them. I joined the Eastern Star organization so I could really do some work in the community. How can I if I can't attend half of the functions? GOD GRANT ME SERENTIY... PATIENCE... I know and this too shall pass. Right now I am willing to settle for a good meal. Collards and Cornbread...yeah!!!!

Give It To Me Baby

It's the men against the women again. Sort of...while having a discussion about Kobe and his wife the men began shouting. " She's a trifling bitch!!" " Another.."Why does she deserve half his money and a three estates?". Another shouted " He got robbed". But the discussion took a different turn when the women began to chime in. " Yes, getit girl", "That's right she deserved it, she put up with his ass for 10yrs." "She has his babies". Now keep in mind that there are only black women and men having this discussion and it came to an immediate shouting match when one of the men said. " That's why black men want white women, ya'll always trying to take money from us that you don't deserve?" WTF... Are white women immune to divorce, alimony and child support? What kind of statement is that. Ignorant that's what it was. White women have been getting half for years. And just a side note...Kobe's wife isn't a black woman. Do I agree with half, well as a matter of fact I don't. But, I do think that his wife and children should remain accoustomed to the lifestyle that he gave them. In certain cases where the man, is the cause ( because he cheats or just ups and decides that he needs a newer model) Hell yeah, she gets to get half , for putting up with his scandalous ass for years!!! He broke the contract, the only one that really counts the MARRIAGE contract, so in that case it should cause him half. Now back to this idiot. If you want to be with a white woman that is your choice. There is nothing wrong with it. No one can help who they love. However, do not blame black women for your choice. I'm tired of this cop out that black women are hard to get along with, angry, stubborn or whatever else you dig out. Women are women all over the world. We all have a good and bad side. We all go through bullshit with our men. We all get tired. Black women are not the only ones. Perhaps, we are quicker to come to the light and not take your bullshit. But,that's only logical.

Damn, the struggle continues...

Leave Me Alone

I was watching 20/20 last night and there was a story about women who wanted to have children with sperm donors. I thought well if you do not have a significant other or if you are unmarried and want a child, that is an option. The 'problem' was that these women were on internet getting sperm from men for "FREE". That was not the only problem ( So they reported) there was also a chance that these men could have very psychological problems and they aren't being tested. My issue is if these women we're to meet these men and casually have sex with them there would be no 'problem'. So why give them so much grief? They are obviously at the end of their ropes and have tried ever other means available. Why tell them how they can get pregnant? Leave people alone to make decisions about their bodies. The government is getting a little too involved in our lives. They want a hand in every decision you make, they want their cut. Hell, they already jacking us daily and it still isn't enough. I say allow these women to pursue whatever venue they deem necessary to bring a child into this world!!!

Just Running Across My Mind

I had a conversation with a friend a few days ago about the love of a mother and child and a sibling. I could not fathom a comparison. But, their arguement was because I was raised to put no one above my mother I wouldn't be able to. I understood that you have love for a sibling completely. I love both my brother and sister. I WILL do anything I can for them and only want the best for them. I pray for good and hapiness for them. However, if there was ever a choice I would have to unfortunately make to choose between them and my mother. MOM would win, hands down,EVERY TIME.No thought process needed. I said "You only have one mother." Their argument was they only had one sibling. I guess this is not for me to understand, because no matter what my sIbling does for me it could never replace what my MOTHER had done for me. This is the woman who gave me life. The woman who fed, clothed and raised me. This is the woman who sacrificed for me, who loved me unconditionally. To tell the truth the statement kind of bothered me and not just because I lost my mom.I understand that everyone isn't as close to ther parents as I am to mine. I understand that. But just the thought of putting anyone on the level of my mother( HELL NAW). So I stated that you are not the norm , because most people say I love my mom/child more than anything on this earth. Most people... I guess I just have to accept that everyone doesn't feel that way and I thank God for the relationship and love that I had/have for mine.

So This Is Christmas

We made it through another year. There was a time when I thought we would never make it. The first year I didn't feel like celebrating anything, but we did because that's the way my mother raised us.We honor her, everyday by continuing to live our lives. By pushing ourselves to go on even when we think we can't. The pain of losing her still and probably always will hurt, but we are few but resilient people. We are from very strong stock. Even my father was able to smile this year, be genuinely happy, and he needs that more than any of us. So we made it, we laughed, we cooked, we danced, joked, remembered, we celebrated. The blessing of knowing we had a great lady in our lives but also that she left a great group of us behind. I may be a little biased, but I am so happy that I belong to this family. I hope each of you have the chance to feel the joy I feel with your families. Not only at Christmas...everyday. Be Blessed!

Gotta Git Up

Vacation is coming and I can't wait. I like my job, I do. But, if I don't get away soon there is going to be some furniture movin'!!! I need this much deserved break. I'm going with braids again because I hear FL is hell hot and I do not want to be dealing with hair and heat, I know that would not be cute. My dad needs this most of all. He needs to get out of the house and enjoy himself. He needs to try to live again, without mom. The other day he hinted to me moving back home. That's not going to happen, I will make more time to spend with him, because I know he gets lonely. But, I need my space, my sanity depends on it. Hopefully he will understand that. I love him to pieces, but no can do.

Love Is You

Yesterday was my 45th birthday. I started it off with good friends toasting me and having a blast. I am blessed. Last year at this time I really was not in the mood to celebrate, anything... they say time heals all wounds. Although, I can't think of any amount of time that would heal this wound I am getting better. Stronger. I have so much love in my life. The love of family has sustained me physically and mentally. The love of friends both near and far has strengthened me. So I picked this song because I feel that I am love, so filled with love for others and so filled with love from others. Today, I feel so thankful to God for all that he has given me. For the things I overlook and forget to say "Thank you" for out loud. So Blessed!!!

Smile

It has been quite a year for me. I am coming to terms with the lost of my mom and realizing that she wouldn't want me to stay sad for so long. ( Easier said than done mommy) but day by day it's getting...bearable. I will always miss her but I carry her with me everyday.

My life has been filled with work. I guess I dove into it to take my mind away for a minute. But being work has really been getting on my nerves, I will have to find another outlet. So here I am with my old standby. Writing. Most of the blogs I used to follow have gone away. But,one thing about blogger...you can find new people with new thoughts. So I'm back ready to begin anew. I'm looking foward to it and I hope the things I have to say matter to some of you. If not, it matters to me. And its my blog!

So today, I smile...

Never

I miss my mom. Today more than ever. It'a strange if that is the correct word knowing she isn't here to share her delicious dishes, humor and love. I wish I could see her once more and tell her again how much I love her. I am thankful today because she did know how much I did, I'm thankful that she isn't suffering and she is somewhere smiling and saying "You made me happy Wendy" I know the type person she was she wouldn't want us to be sad. So today Mom, I will smile, celebrate and honor your memory. I love you. I always will. Happy Turkey day everyone, cherish this time with your family.