Wow...It seems like I started this blog a lifetime ago. Monday I turned 36 and unlike most women...okay I lie. I may have lowered the number once or twice.. Today a young man held the door for me and when I said thank you he said " no problem ma'm." AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ! At that moment, I was heated but, I guess I am well into ma'm years. But, I don't see a ma'm. I see no change...maybe a little more weight in my face. No crows feet , laugh lines or wrinkles. But obviously something has changed. Everyone that comes to my home looks at my graduation picture as says " who is that?" or " Is that your sister?" Then I promptly ask them to leave my house. Jokes aside...I remember losing it when I turned thirty...I thought I was a washed up old hag. I had no kids, no husband. Strange what time will do....I'm 36... and for that blessing...I am grateful.

I made it! My mind is mush but I made it. I haven't studied this much in years. I really did think that my mind was just as fresh as it was when I was younger. Not! I was annoyed at first because I had to be up ( AGAIN) at 5 in the morning. I'm not a morning person. Never have been. So , of course, the reason for my memory being gone was because my mind was still in sleep mode.. Or so I thought. As the day rolled on I still couldn't remember simple things like... where I parked my car. ( I solved that by being early enough to park in front so that I can see my car when I walk out the door) Thank God no one else has the same kind of car . I don't remember numbers the way I used to or even names. I'm still pretty good with faces. I still recognize the woman in the mirror. Although her name escapes me sometimes. Mom? Hmm. Oh yeah, mom is the light skinned woman remember? Okay...St. Johns, lifetime supply please...

Is this forewarning? I just woke up and made a mad dash for the shower. Luckily I set my clothes out the night before and I have been wearing this doobie so all I have to do is unwrap it, style and apply my make up ( that would be lipstick, eyeliner and mascara )and go. Only my clothes aren't ready . I'm looking for my curling irons , because my doobie has become a don't be. My alarms ( I have two)... didn't go off . So, I'm grumbling and angry with myself for not setting the clocks. I'm thinking of what excuse I'm going to give ( because " I overslept" , just isn't creative enough) and really upset because I hate to be late. I notice that it's cloudy out today and it will most likely rain so, I'm mentally running through everything in my closet; that I would want to wear on a rainy day. I walk past my computer and notice the time. It's 7:42, and I think that maybe I shouldn't have taken this position because it's obviously driving me crazy. Because it's 7:42 PM...okay. I'm setting both clocks after this blog. Thinking of running out and purchasing a third...

It's that time of year again. I do this to myself every year. The tax man cometh and he comes for me the quickest. All year long I pay out the ass and at the end of the year I'm penalized even more. I don't live off my gross ya know... DAMMIT! Anyway, I will sit and wait with a million others who have waited for this day, because I owe and I know it. So I'm hating, I'm hating Sam and his cronies. I'm hating that I just got my social security information and knowing at this rate, even with my savings ; I will have to... 1) win the lottery 2) Become a very sucessful writer or 3) work until I drop dead because there is no way that I can live off the projected payment. Who calculates this shit? Can I have my money now please! I'm hating that if I were to drop dead, nobody could collect for me the money that I have already put into SS. I'm hating everything about this system right now. And since I'm full of hate right now... ( tangent!!!!!!!)....I'm still hating Alicia Keys and wondering how in the hell you win album of the year and only have two songs played ( over and over again) from the album? We heard the remix, the club mix, the mega mix, the latin mix, the ridiculously long ghetto mix, but it was still the same damn two songs . Yeah I said it. Back to topic... The tax man cometh and he comes for me the quickest, lest me prepare my offering.

I've had to take time to regroup.... Some things that used to be important in my life aren't anymore. For instance, I used to be so hurt when I didn't get along with everyone. They just had to love me, I'm nice. I'm friendly. Well now I'm still nice, still friendly but , if you don't like me I just don't give a damn. You'll never please everyone and life is too short to worry about it. It took me awhile to understand that. I have been studying for my job like I am back in college. It's a sad thing when you realize just how much of your memory is gone. Thank God I don't smoke...I wouldn' t remember shit. I've made a promise to myself to learn a new term everyday. So far so good. My block ( writer's ) is gone and I can think again. Now I have too many ideas. I miss my sister....

Well here I am. My neighbors decided to have a knock down drag out fight this morning and now I can't sleep. I guess I can thank them for the bags under my eyes tomorrow. They can thank me for not calling the police on their behinds. Going back to bed now...grumbling all the way.

I do not watch soap operas anymore. I haven't since Jessie and Angie were the main story line on All my children but, since I purchased The Sims I have been tuning in to the daily lives of the little people. I manage them quite well... If only my life were as simple.

Delete Mondays.

Ran into an ex today. Didn't mean to. He just spotted me before I could make my getaway. He waved hello and I waved back and kept walking. Why would anyone think this was a invitation to come over and attempt to converse? I just want to get my cucumbers for this salad I don't want to eat and go home. Yes, I'm still here, breathing. Imagine that. No, I haven't heard from your cousin...she owes me money,stole my property.Why on earth would she call? I don't care if you FINALLY got the divorce you told me you had when we met. No, I will not call you. I haven't in fours years...Any bells going off yet? Poof !...On a brighter note, those cowards I used to work for dropped their suit...That was smart. However, I will not be dropping mine. Why? 1) Because I have suffered far more than anyone should have to. 2) I have enough evidence to keep them in court for years to come. Wiz moment....So you wanted to meet the Wizard?

I need to walk more, I knew that already but, this weekend really let me know how much. While walking down South St. in Philly, looking for a spoken word Cafe named Tootie's my back suddenly decided to disconnect from my body. I don't know when it decided to, but it screamed defiantly, " I'M OUT! I'M NOT TAKING ANOTHER STEP!" I was bent over in front of a store praying for a seat, ANYWHERE. I wanted to cry. It was so embarrassing. Then, Sabastian takes my arm and tries to help me along, like some old woman. I wished the earth could open up. My brother,sister and nephew ( family yanno?) , no help at all. They had... jokes, but that's okay. At that point, I did not care. I did not laugh. I had walked 15 blocks and I couldn't take another step if I wanted to. The furthest I walk, is to my car. My back is hurting thinking about it. I have learned my lesson. I will start walking again. Besides, THE WALK , the trip was a good one. She is happy so am I. I didn't cry... My brother ( Mario Andretti) , got us home in record time. He has the need for speed. I didn't complain... much. This is a good time for us...blessings all around.