Just My Imagination

Damn the finale for Grey's Anatomy was good. Got me to thinking about a few things going on in my life. I don't have a steady in my life, well not to speak of anyway. But I would just love to have someone looking at me like McDreamy was looking at Meredith tonight. Hell, even when I did have an "other" I can't remember him looking at me like that. (I can remember me looking at him like that though) Anyway, it got me to thinking about my LIST the things that I want in a man. Still not settling. The struggle continues... There was a character on GA tonight that gave up her career for love. I know it's fiction but people REALLY do love this much. There is no one that I have dealt with in my past that I would give up my family, friends or career for . ( I will note God has not made a man that would make me give up my family)I have felt genuine love for these people, just not that type of love. Not that I think that I am incapable of love for someone that comes close to it. I just won't go bananas. Maybe it's because of these past relationships that I have developed this stopping point. Maybe it's the fear that makes me so protective of my heart. ( Perhaps overly so). Or maybe because I really don't give the brothers a chance anymore. I know you are suppose to learn from the past and let it go. Don't take any of that shit to the next relationship, but can you really help it? Isn't a part of your being changed after heartbreak? Can you help but be a little ( suspicious)? In my heart of hearts I do believe in love,I know that a man and woman can love one another with every breath. I see that in my parents...44 years ...and they're still together. I think of my LIST and I do know that because of it I have (ran) from men that may have made loving companions. On the other hand every time I have gone against my LIST it has turned out to be the wrong move. I honestly do want a love people write songs about,sonnets about, movies about, televisions shows about. I do want to complete someone and have them complete me. However, I know I am guilty of wanting but not willing to make myself that open to receiving it. Does that make me resistant to true love? Does this mean I am selfish or just cautious? Or could I be in serious drama mode and this is all just my imagination...Running away with me.