How Do I Live?

I watched an ABC news special on A.I.D.S. and the black community this evening.
The numbers were devastating as well as disheartening. Women within my age bracket are dying the fastest. The report gave many reasons for the cause, promiscuity,male/female ratio, miseducation, drug use. The thing that was most on my mind though was there was no solution. Of course there were people who all said we must do something, something because it's an epidemic people! More than 50% of all new cases of HIV were Afro-American. 68% of those being women between the ages of 25-44. This report upset me but, angered me as well. What does this say about my people? Do I just resolve that we as woman no longer care, and respect our bodies enough to say " no glove, no love?" Have we really become so desperate to keep men that we are willing to do anything and everything? There was a counselor that said she knew of sex groups, where all these people had sex with one another thinking they are "safe". Not taking into account the drug abuser, the brother on the DL or the person that just doesn't know that they are HIV or AIDS positive. My head and heart filled with a resounding, yes to answer my own questions! Some women have become so needy and self-absorbed, their esteem is so low that they are willing to do whatever to be with a man.It's disgraceful that the "half a man is better than no man" mentality is more prevalent than respect for self.

According to this report, for every 100 Afro-American women there are only 85 men. Therefore making it hard for the Afro-American man to remain monogamous.( Which is the reason for the previously mentioned sex groups) Or, at least that how my mind processed this information. Someone, has to take care those other 15. And Lord knows the percentage of incarcerated or homosexual males can't. Ladies please explain to men how you justify knowingly sleeping with a man who is married ( or otherwise involved with someone else)?. Then PLEASE help me understand...Sleeping with him and not protecting yourself knowing he sleeps with others? Ain't that much love in the world.This is not intelligent thinking, isn't self preservation a natural instinct?

Then there were the brothers who are bisexual, who really do not want to let that information out.Which goes back to my gay rights advocacy. "Let these men be gay as they wanna be. Remove the stigma, so they won't get with me!"
The odds are stacked even more by these brothers. Women, not kids who don't know any better, women are being placed in predicament where they really have no choice. Many are contracting this disease from their husbands, the men who stood with them before God. How can you fight that?Your not cheating, your not messing with someone you don't know very well. This is the man you love and who supposedly loves you. Betrayal is hard enough to deal with, but can you imagine having to deal with this as well? Sadly, for all of our knowledge, there is really nothing we can do other than resort to abstinence. We don't have a solution other than to educate , but by now everyone knows AIDS will kill you and there is no cure.As a woman I am horrified, angry, sad and embarrassed. But, most of all terrified.