I kept my niece today for four hours. Four very long hours. I can't remember the last time I sang more nursery rhymes or played more games. Thank God for cable...she loves videos. That gave me a little time to re-group. She is phenomenal.She has her own little special language. Half the time I sat there looking like a fool, because I couldn't understand what the hell she was saying. However, the old stand by worked. " Show me baby. Show Aunt Wendy, what your talking about.". Worked like a charm, but I could have sworn she had the what's wrong with this one? face, as she showed me. She has so much energy. I, on the hand, do not. I have come to the realization that my time has passed for babies, toddlers or any little person. Although I enjoyed the time we had together, I am wasted. I could have kissed her mother's feet when she came to pick her up. Not her. As a matter of fact she took the hype-o-meter up a few notches when her mother came. I have to give it up for the REAL mothers again. You are truly special people.

Anyone who knows me knows that Denzel and I have a special bond. Most people can pick a time and date they want to see a movie, show up and view it. I want to be there before the lights dim. I want to be able to choose any seat I want. I want my popcorn and drink, there when the credits start rolling. I want absolutely no interruptions for the next 2 hrs. Not Shawn. I just cannot understand what it is about arriving at a movie 10 minutes into it that excites him. Wandering around in the dark, asking people to move is fun... This is not some no-name newcomer trying to win the hearts and minds of the viewing public. This is Denzel Washington. You don't just show up for Denzel...you prepare. Needless to say. I would not compromise. Was I being bitchy? Maybe, but I know D appreciates it.

I'm becoming a T.V. junkie, it's not hard to ignore the tube when you only have six channels, but now...damn cable. I am watching it more and more." Just when I think I'm out...". I have changed my thinking from the other day. Why should I change my entire personality because I was UNFORTUNATE enough to come into contact with assholes? If I do that then they win. It really bothers them to see me smile. They hate to hear that I'm still laughing,loving, singing. Enjoying my life! In spite of them. They want to hear that I am bitter and broken. I will not give them the satisfaction. I'm flashing these pearly whites.Laughing even louder... harder. It's mo' betta' baby. Life is too short. ..

Although I plan to someday write a book about my life.I am choosing at this time to hold off. For the happy ending. I want the story to be believable. The shit going on in life right now isn't. I can't even believe it. So I know no one else will. I'm up though. I'm trying to remain optimistic. If I don't, I don't know what I will do. That cannot be a good thing. I know that turns go around, always do the right thing, and the good will prevail and all that crap.. That's how things are supposed to be. That fairytale is quickly fading in my world. Sometimes I think you have to help the process along and I plan too. I plan to give the process a lot of help. I've grown tired of being Miss Nice when people are giving me their asses to kiss. Very, very tired....

Sunday comes so quickly... I had a good week. In spite of the litte adventures this week. My funny Valentines day. You make it harder than it has to be...and I can't tell you why. My sis will be moving in two weeks. I'm going to miss her, but it's time. I like the new just do it! commercial.I just thought of that, because I am thinking of her. Just do it! I watched the show Cheaters last night. People never cease to amaze me. Just when you think your life is crazy...

Note to self... Get missing, should Ronnie ever move again!
I haven't sung in awhile. Not in front of an audience. I know my neighbors are wishing I either...1) cut a demo or 2) shut up! I'm missing my Diva moments... craving that attention....I'm having Karaoke withdrawals...Starting to feel like Duck( I aint sang in years)...I have to go somewhere and sing my heart out!

I have a terrible head cold. Shorty Loco ( that would be my three year old niece) gave it to me. Kids are amazing. Yesterday she was up running around, playing. I feel like someone kicked me in my head. My contract finally came today ( Yeah!!!!!!!), I haven't read it yet. I called Henry to let him know that I have it. I had to get this date in. I have a new theme for my former employer. Thanks to Jah-Jah. " I Think You Better Let It Go." Yeah, I'm feeling that...

I went to church today. I guess I felt I needed to.I can't remember the last time I did. I didn't really grow up in a family were we had to go. But I still think we are spiritual. One of the deacons wanted me to get baptized but, I couldn't do it. I know they say you are supposed to come as you are, but I couldn't do it. I just didn't feel it. Not yet. Probably because of some of the things going on in my life. I would definitely be perpetrating and that's not the road I want to take. I think when you make a step like that, you ought to have something stirring in you, leading you that way. Maybe it's there and I just don't want to see it. It's hard to get to heaven...and I know I have some issues I need to work on. On the other hand I don't think I'm on the Hell express. They say that God knows your heart and I hope it's true. I hope he sees that I am a good person and I try to treat people with respect. I hope that counts for something. My brother and his family were there too. That was a pleasant surprise for me. Today was a good day...Amen.

Three months ago my system crashed. I lost everything including the first drafts of my second novel. Of course I saved it so no problem right? Wrong. The disk I saved it to was missing too. Dammmmmmmmmmn IT. Today while cleaning and jamming to Ashford and Simpson's" It Seems To Hang On." I came across an old file from work. Inside was a hard copy! Unbelievable. Needless to say, I'm really grooving now. I might even attempt the Harlem Shake... Brand New Day!...Serious "Wiz" moment!

Why is it whenever you are unfortunate enough to have to deal with any government agency that you encounter mindless, drones who have absolutely no idea what they are doing? I believe it's a conspiracy, these people are actually trained to discourage you. I believe they have to master the art of double talk before they are assigned duties. They must also get at least a 95% while being tested for sarcasm. Acting classes are a must, for the ability to look as if you are trying to solve issues for at least 7.5 hrs, and for the look of absolute surprise if someone becomes annoyed with them. They must also fail every question in the achieving extraordinary customer relations handbook. The person who gets the most people to give up and get the hell on, gets an award and a raise. Just my theory...

I have had to let friendships go, because they were not healthy relationships. The person wasn't what I perceive to be a friend.
This is nothing like that, this wasn't done to me. What do you do when someone does something so outrageous, you just cannot believe what they have done? When you discuss it with them, when you express your disappointment all you get is a " well this is me." I can't trust that. I can't trust you anymore... I guess that's what hurts me the most.

Men... I went on a date with a guy. One date. We didn't click. He was a nice enough fellow just not for me. I then introduced him to one of my girls. I thought they would hit it off because they shared some of the same interest. They dated a few times and as far as I knew, all was well. Tonight he called and we're talking about my girl. He asked if I knew when she was coming back to Charlotte, he hadn't seen her online, etc. Then he lost his mind. Somewhere between hello and when he said... So when are WE going out again? HUH? Maybe I'm crazy but... If I wanted to date you would I have set you up with my friend? I'm certain that's a NO. That's a HELL NO . I said a few things, the nice version being when hell freezes over and hung up. Men...