All in Love is Fair

Although I am trying to shake this feeling.The fact is I am having these feelings over a little girl.I know it's wrong. I'm beating myself up over it. I'm never jealous of anyone. But I loved this little girls daddy with every part of my being, the sick twisted love that has you happily electric sliding to the washer to wash his dirty drawz. I came away from the relationship thinking this man is incapable of loving. I was convinced that he destined to be a "Good Doggie" until the end of his days. A Good Doggie will: Lie to you because he loves you. Or at least he thinks he does, years of conditoning has restricted his views of how to properly show it. His deceit, is a direct result of his thinking pattern 'What she doesn't know won't hurt her' . He never considers the consequences of his actions. Only the satisfaction he will get from them. Not ever taking into the equation karma, righteousness, or his own stupidity.Causing this to come to a head at some time. IE... BABY BOY. Therefore, women end up with the revelation that the man you adored; is a Good Doggie. I didn't want a Good Doggie, they never seem to understand the Actions/Reactions part. And you become the "crazy bitch"... They never understand that although this behavior means nothing to them. It means everything to you. So we parted ways, and after getting over feelings of anger, betrayal, regret and homicide. Time and forgiveness has set in and we are once again friends. Now, when I speak to him and he talks about his child, I see a different part of him. I see that he is capable of loving. That he can put someone else's feelings and needs before his own.So, my interpretation is that although he does have the ability he chose not to display it with me.I get it. It's choking the shit out of my ego, but I get it. I know it's a parent/child love. I understand in my mind that the two cannot be compared. But forgive my being human and my heart is saying otherwise.I didn't think of our break up as a disrespect to me, but I attributed it to his being a Good Doggie, he was incapable of this emotion. I was only desiring to be equallyloved and a brother was struggling. How is it possible that you can be Jekel one level, Hyde on the next? How can you be dirty, sneaky, lying and conniving- EVIL and so nurturing,honest,dependable, mature, pure- GOODtoo? Let's talk about the Faces of Adam-Hey, that's pretty good. I may have to keep that for a title. And why did I get to see both sides? Why couldn't you just let me continue to think of you as I had? That was easier for me. Now when I talk to him and he is going on and on about this thing or that, that he shared with his child and I see the glow in his face. I hear the concern in his voice I want to bust him in the face . I'm jealous of his love for her. I know it's sick, low ,terrible. I know it's the type of shit that"Flowers in the Attic" is made of. But, I'm just being honest.In all our years, he never even came close to this level. For me, that is not fair.