Sometimes I Wonder Why

Yeah, this will be one of those rare occasions when I talk about my love life. I'm picky when it comes to the men I date. I am for a reason. I have zero tolerance for for bullshit.I'm open and honest from the beginning. I expect you to be too. I'm becoming unforgiving. ( Miss a step today, you'll be frying fish tomorrow)I say becoming because I think of the crap I've put up with in the past that just won't fly with me now. Thank God for lessons learned.Thank God for wisdom and growth. So I take my time, I try to choose wisely;But, my God has a sense of humor and what he sends my way sometimes...
I've been seeing this man for a minute. He has all of the qualities that rank high on my list.( Employed, educated,drama/babymama free,sense of humor and a smile that makes me melt) We really enjoy each others company.Even when we disagree,it done with respect. Doesn't this sound great? Of course it does. But there is always something. One thing, that monkey wrench. His monkey wrench is his family.Whom seem to think he is their chauffeur, moving company, babysitter, bank,and grocery store. He cannot say no. Ever.Ever, ever. I mean I love my family too and there is nothing in this world that I wouldn't do for them. But,my family wouldn't pimp me like this.This irritates the hell out of me and although this guy could be the one for me. I have to let go because I see the handwriting on the wall and I don't want to be the one to make him choose. I don't want to be that evil, hateful woman( insert expletive,here) who takes his time away from them.

Pure Gold

The other day I watched child protective services remove three children from a home that the mother is going to lose next week. Child abuse...the mother had no electricity, gas or water. For nearly two months.The children were sickly. It saddened me because I tried very hard to get her to understand how precious her children should be to her. What she had was a jones...not what you are thinking. She had it for a man. A no good man. He has her nose wide open and to her he is it. the end all be all. No matter what you have to say. Although he is the father of her children he made no effort to support them. He did however stay in the house; playing video games and no doubt drugging and living off her stamps and 236 a month. In my many conversations with her I expressed concern that she was choosing this man over a children. This felon, who had no intention of helping her or her children rise above their circumstances. No intention of standing up and being a role model for his three sons.No intention of marrying her. But she... just loved that man. This poor excuse for a man had convinced her that she didn't deserve any better. That her children didn't deserve any better. At 24 how is life this bleak?

I know people go through trials. I have been through some, who hasn't? But I NEVER stopped loving myself. I haven't been so disillusioned with life that I gave up. Perhaps that's because I'm an optimist. Perhaps it's because I was brought up in a household that nurtured my spirit and built my esteem. Perhaps it's because I believe God IS...and all things are possible through him.

So this young woman was on my mind.Wondering how or, what I could have done differently or said. I pray for her babies.

Easy Being Green

- "I'm green and I guess that's just the way I'm supposed to be."



How many strong,beautiful women do you know who are overweight? ThoseFAT( yes I said it,with an F. I'm one of them so I can call it what it is) women that have told society that what they think is a healthy weight for them is bullshit. Gorgeous ladies doing the damn thing. I know a few. But, until I read my doctors chart ( being nosey)...Don't get me wrong I'm 5'2". I knew I needed to shed a few pounds but according to height/weight ratio, I am OBESE. I rationalized that people carry weight differently, and there is no way on earth( even on the best crack you can get a receipt for) that I will get to 110-131(MAX) range.After seeing those words Obeseblah,blah,blah, obese blah,blah,blah obese...I told myself well then dammit that's what I'm supposed to be. I became frustrated with the whole damn process,why should I do this to myself? So I'm not a 7 so what? I'm not a 20 either. Damn you Lean Cuisine!!! I want a pizza, I want Breyers Mint Chocolate chip and Chip Ahoy cookies. I want a Pepsi! With all the caffiene allowed by law...
Obese...Ha!, I started thinking these people are crazy, and trying to make me crazy too...I had given up. Then I thought of the Big, Beautiful ladies that I know. And these sisters are fine,accomplished, fierce women, and they seem truly content in life and love.They can dress their big asses off and the confidence these sisters have is admirable. Then I thought of my breathing lately when I have to walk one step further than my car door. I thought of all the different sizes that hang in my closet. I thought of the heart disease and cancer that is in my immediate family and realized that although it may be easy. I can't be green.

Lean Cuisine's Tucson chicken is actually pretty good and so was the cup of Breyers instead of the bowl.

Party All The Time

My girls birthday was this past week so when she said, " Wendy you should come up here." I thought cool. A mini vacation. I could go chill in VA and get my mind right. The plan was to leave work at 3 and be there around 7. Seven-thirty the latest. When I pulled out at FIVE I realized that I may not make the party.Yet, I pressed on, despite the fact that she moved from Oceanview and I haven't been to the new place. So here I am trying to read my directions and drive. All while noticing that my surroundings look similar to that movie Wrong Turn. Not one to be caught by deranged,cannibals, I decided to toss the directions and find a main Hwy.
My friend has just turned 44 and I swear she could pass for 30. I told her she should bottle whatever she is working with. She makes me sick. She is a karaoke fool so of course her party was held at a Karaoke Bar. Sis can blow too.When that ended we went back to her place and sat up until 4 A.M. catching up. This was her weekend so I told her whatever you want to do, I'm game. She decided she wanted to go to the some museum and Colonial Williamsburg(Where she basically walked me to death). Did I MENTION I came from work? But, I didn't want to be the pooper left at home,so I went. On the way back she decided we should go see Spiderman. Which I thought was cool but my body was like. What the hell is wrong with you? After the movie, we went out to eat, then back to Karaoke. Damn I'm tired. My girl is not only older than me but she also has much more energy. Even after all this, she went into work today. I don't have to be back until tomorrow and I'm already thinking of excuses.

I used to be able to hang with her like this back in the day. Not anymore. When I got home today I slept for five hours straight. And I still feel tired. I know I burned both ends this weekend but, somehow I feel like I'm losing cool points.

We Are Family

Today my parents are coming for lunch. I asked them over for dinner. But my father feels if he is out after 6p.m. he will have to shoot someone. My father is the original Angry man, He has mellowed over the years but even at 69 he will still kick ass and take names. We've had our difficulities, but I've come to realize that it's just because we are so much alike. Today he will talk about things I already know ( because he has told me) about my home and safety. He will remind me I should lose weight and that I should really make an earnest effort to quit smoking altogether and stop bullshitting with my life. <- his words. I will say that I know, agree with him and hopefully he will let it rest.

My mother will try to redecorate my home. Telling me how whatever would look so much better over here or there. I will of course disagree. She will also talk about her head so bad that I will be hoodwinked into doing it for her. I really don't mind. I love her to death and have spoiled her rotten. I guess turns go round. She will mention my weight too. But not as bluntly as my father. She will joke about it.

My brother will join in. I have to say in this family you need a thick skin because we are not tongue biters. My brother will bring his daughter and I will try to make some sense of what she is saying. I thought that speed french she spoke was cute at 3 and 4 but now, at almost 9 that shit is bordering on the special.
I miss my sis the most, she is the most wonderful, selfless, artistic, beautiful person I know. And I'm not saying this because she has patterned herself after me. I say it because it's the truth and I miss her laughter when my family is all together.

I am blessed to have them all in my life. Even when they work the one nerve I have left. I know it's all love.

Juicyfruit

You know when you cannot eat, everything looks good. I have been noticing food in commercials that aren't even about food. While surfing I happened upon this brother G. Garvin on BET's Turn Up The Heat. Now I know good and well that I am not going to cook one single thing this man is making. But damn, he does it well. I'm not usually attracted to his type but I find him sexy. Maybe it's the man in the kitchen cooking thing. Or, maybe it's the fact that I'm hungry as hell and anyone in the kitchen cooking is sexy to me right now.

Just Because

I've never had a toothache before. Although this kid looks cuteI don't believe missing teeth would have the same appeal on me. So I have always taken very good care of them. Imagine my surprise while chewing when one of my fillings came out. Well,parts of it. I don't believe surprise is the word I'm looking for here. Unbearable, indescribable pain would cover it... maybe...It's the sort of pain that stops you dead in your tracks. It stopped me from chewing that's for damn sure.

I have a friend that has been dealing with a rotten tooth for years. He is too scared to visit the dentist because a while back he had some work done and the pain that followed was worst than the original problem. So, instead he never chews on the right side of his mouth, and says that he will never trust a dentist again. I guess that works for him. I however, am taking my ass to the dentist as fast as I can. Since it happened I have been treading lightly on the offending side of my mouth but I couldn't imagine eating this way for the rest of my life. Or brushing the way I have been forced to,not when there are licensed people to help me.That is insane!I don't ever want to feel that type of pain again.

Between this tooth, a week of watching Roots and the Imus(Anus) bullcrap, this hasn't been a the best time to be around me.

Jesus Is Love

Happy Easter!!!

Straighten Up and Fly Right!

I just have to blog right now or I will scream. This woman came into my office today with her PJ's on. Yeah they were cute but they were still made to wear in the HOUSE. Lawd!!!Then she had no bra on. People she was swinging everywhere, Didn't comb hair on her head...nothing. Just got up and came as she was.I wanted to smack her ass into next week as my mother would say. But, I was afraid I'd have to see it again.

I didn't have much to say. My WTF??? expression, said it all. She said she didn't want to miss her appointment.

Tears

I end each weekend the very same way. In tears. Watching Extreme Home Makeovers does it to me each week. The expressions on the recipients faces touch me every time. It may sound a bit sappy but, this show reminds me that in the midst of it all there are good people. There are deserving people.People still genuinely, truly care about others. And you know what? I don't even mind the tears I shed.