This is the very first christmas that I will spend without my parents. I can honestly say that I have had 36 very good ones with them. They are visiting baby sis in Philly. It feels strange though, knowing that I will not see them tomorrow. Thankfully my brother and his family are here and I have good friends to full my day But... I guess the little girl in me wants to be with my mommy and daddy on Christmas day.

If I had three wishes what would they be? The main ones come to mind Love, Health, and Money the old standards. Everyone has seen a movie or knows a story where the wishes a person really wants never comes to pass. There is always some sort of trickery going on...Does anyone ever get all three?You'll find that they are healthy as a horse, paid in full but , by themselves. Or they are in love, paid and sickly. Or they're healthly and in love... but couldn't afford a date to Mickey D's with a coupon. Or just for a special bonus you find those with none of the above. If someone claims to have all three what compromises have they made in their lives to acheive them? The man is the mirror is a harsh reality, to some. The saying "Be careful, what you wish for, you just may get it"is a warning people. With that in mind, I will forget about the wish list and opt for prayer. Never any loop holes there. Merry Christmas everyone. Blessings

Well here I am again... I have to be optimistic that my parenting skills are working for the best. My patience is really being tried. I pray that I become more patient as this goes.Because I'm feeling Madear-ish. My nephew is indeed a challenge but what in life worthwhile isn't? My sister is doing well and my family here is fine. Blessings every where I turn...

So many wonderful things going on in my life right now. Just two short months ago I was going to bail out. Give up! Call it a day and head North as fast as I could. But it worked out for the best that I stay in Charlotte. I have alot to be thankful for. I'm goinng to test those parenting skills I swear I have. Me, who knew. Not a new born or toddler. My nerves are too bad for that.. I'm going to raise my nephew. I also started a new business, forget what you heard...Working for self is it. I'm loving life right now.

I was having the most wonderful time conversing with a man I met today. I thought, finally here is a man that has it together. He's not married, gay or young enough to be my child. He's intelligent, and fine. Then in the middle of my sentence he interrupted me and said. " So what size bra do you wear?" WTF? This is not a young man, not a man that has been locked away. Sad. My thirteen year old nephew has better sense than this. What is wrong with people? I didn't even bother to finish my sentence. The struggle continues...

How much can a woman take?...First Ben and J. Now Miranda and Robert. Yes she threw it all away. I'm shocked, shocked I tell you. In reality would a woman give up a man who seems so perfect ? Would a woman give up a tall, handsome, sexy,doctor ( For the Knicks I might add) To be with her baby's daddy who seems to be none of that? Fiction.

Blair is looking really good these days. I haven't watched an episode twice in a minute...but i had to see him again. I watched a documentary on the events of September 11th. It made me think of the exact moment I heard the plane hit the first tower. I must have stood in the same spot for nearly an hour. Dazed, amazed, confused. I called all the friends and family I could in New york. Me and Peter J. stuck it out for nearly twenty-four hours straight. How many field trips did I take to the towers while I was in school? ..It still hurts. I think it always will. God bless the victims and their families.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Now that I have that out. I feel better!

Everytime I come to this site the format has changed. Anyway I went to Philly with my sister. She is moving back there next month. I decided early on that I would not do the walking thing. I decided that we should drive everywhere. Mistake..big one. Obviously, Guido and the boys are in charge of parking and they mean to take every dime. We went to a mall ( strange mall with no parking in Center City) It cost 4.00 to park for a 1/2 hour and 4.00 each additonal half. What??? Okay, perhaps if you are a superhero ( MallMan- able to browse and buy in a single bound) you can get in and out of a mall in thrity minutes. Needless to say... I was walking again. I also realized that summer is in the north,maybe the south will get it next year. After the monsoon.

My sister turned 26 and I feel old as dirt. Yes she has blossomed into a lovely young woman and all that....but this is the kid that I used to carry around on my hip. ..Wow. Time really does fly....I can remember carrying her like it was yesterday. I guess that's a plus...I still have my mind.

A little girl that I used to babysit died. She was three, she drowned in the bathtub. Words cannot begin to express all of the emotions that are running through my head. I only have to believe that Jehovah wanted her to be in a better place. If you are reading this and you have children.. cherish them, watch them every second that you can. They are a precious gift from God and should never be taken for granted.

I have been a die hard Lakers fan for as long as I have been interested in basketball. Now there is talk of Karl Malone joining this team. I guess I will have to choose another team. No way in hell I'll be down with any team he is on!

My aunt died today. Every memory that I have of her has all of a sudden come to my head. I always feared her as a child. She was a corrections officer for Rikers Island for all of my life. She carried herself like one too. Although we grew apart as I got older, you never want to see anyone in your family go. I guess that's where I am now. Trying to deal with the fact that I will never hear that voice again; and wishing I had heard it more often.

The weather man has called for snow and possibly ice. Which means the mad rush to the grocery store has already begun. Being a New Yorker I find this quite comical. No bread, milk or batteries in the whole city. It also means that if you are wise, you will either stay inside or take the bus ( If they are still running). These people cannot drive.

Why was the neighbor hating on the little girl's lemonade stand?
Here are my theories:
1) Neighbor planned to have a lemonade stand herself
2) Neighbor has bad memories of no one buying her lemonade as a child
3) Neighbor thinks lemonade stand brings a bad element to the neighborhood
4) Neighbor works for the I.R.S. and wants these monies reported
5) Neighbor is protecting the unaware buyer because the lemons aren't fresh and could cause serious problems after drinking
6) Neighbor is unstable and full or hater-ade
7) Neighbor didn't have 50 cent to buy a cup and she was really thristy
8) Neighbor thinks the little girl is really in some secret cult
9) Neighbor is part of a secret organization that monitors neighborhood lemonade stands
10) Neighbor needs a damn life...leave the kid alone!

Hope you read this....

[ Tue Jun 10, 09:03:00 PM | Wendy S | edit ]
Okay...I'm singing the Welcome Back Kotter theme to myself. So what if some of you don't remember the words! What a week! I went back to NY to finalize my grandmother's affairs. It's strange talking to her and seeing her this way.I might as well be a stranger. She still has the fire though. The very spirit I always admired in her. I keep thinking I will go over my parents house and everything will be as it was and she will say" Wendy come here, remember when".... But it's not going to happen. I guess I will have to accept that... In time. Going back to the Bronx was a trip. I haven't been to the old hood in many moons. It's funny everything in that world looked so big to me as a child. Now it's- I wish I could explain it ( I should be able to being I call myself a writer)...but the old saying as much as things change they remain the same is true.

Okay...I'm singing the Welcome Back Kotter theme to myself. So what if some of you don't remember the words! What a week! I went back to NY to finalize my grandmother's affairs. It's strange talking to her and seeing her this way.I might as well be a stranger. She still has the fire though. The very spirit I always admired in her. I keep thinking I will go over my parents house and everything will be as it was and she will say" Wendy come here, remember when".... But it's not going to happen. I guess I will have to accept that... In time. Going back to the Bronx was a trip. I haven't been to the old hood in many moons. It's funny everything in that world looked so big to me as a child. Now it's- I wish I could explain it ( I should be able to being I call myself a writer)...but the old saying as much as things change they remain the same is true.

RuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN! Thank you , thank you, thank you! Finally! I'm so glad he won. Congrats man.

I have a friend whose heart I know is good, but he is so full of pain and hurt that he has become unbearable to be around. I see it. It consumes him and when I am around him , it consumes me. And I do care about him and I don't want anything but good things for him, but he is toxic. This is a toxic friendship and I have to end it; I feel terriblle when I am around him. All of my other friends don't want him anywhere near them, they all say " I don't know how you could stand his ass!" But, when I met him I decided to make him my friend knowing he had " funny" ways. But he was never " funny" acting to me personally. So, being the optimist I thought maybe...Hell... I don't know what I thought. I do know I cannot be around his negativity anymore. How is it possible to never see any good in anything? It's sad. I can't find it in my heart to tell him the truth. I think I may be the only friend he has left. Sometimes you just want to burn a bridge. Blow it up. Never look back. But you don't because at some crucial moment in your life you may have to cross that bridge again. So instead I am avoiding this particular bridge. Going all the way around Robin's Nest to do so. I hate that.

In other news...I'm off to New York for a few days. Bright Lights, Real City here I come. I miss my peeps, I miss real food. I need this... Ruben sang his behind off tonight. Do the damn thing boy!

Okay...Even if you absolutely hate R&B you have to admit that Ruben is the very best singer in the competition. This iss not just an opinion, it is a fact. The man has sang the hell out of every genre that has been presented. So why was he in the bottom two tonight? I will tell you why, because America is full of haters. They hate the fact that a overweight, Black man could be an "American Idol". Actually I don't really believe Ruben cares whether he wins or not because he knows he has skills. But if this competition is based on being the best singer then it shouldn't let America vote. Americans are caught up on appearance. They can not fathom this obese man as an idol. That is a slap in the face of the very fabric of this great nation. Did anyone happen to see the Marines face It said.... "Yeah thanks america, but I don't deserve it". HE was crying....Arrrgh.

What exactly is crazy? I find myself asking that question after having a long and interesting conversation with friends and family. Personal expectations are just that...personal, so if my belief leads me to think that you are cuckoo for cocoa puffs, are you?. What you may find over the top or offensive, I think is just fine and vice-versa. So who decides what's crazy,deraanged? Perhaps we have become a society that uses the term so loosely that we really don't know anymore? Perhaps we have lost sight of what crazy is because Martin (haha) is crazy. But...So is cutting off the heads of your babies and then going to have sex. Or at least it is to me. Now I say that these people are not fit to live. For some, that statement is crazy.

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah Carmen is gone! Now we can get on with the real singers! Wiz moment...Brand new day!

I haven't been home this week. I've been spreading myself thin between friends. One thing they will never be able to say is I wasn't there for them.I love my girls all of them. Some can't understand why I love the others ... but I do. I long for my own bed, kinda... In other news I chatted with a seemingly very nice man yesterday. Even flirted a little. Finally someone interesting. Usually when I find this they are either married, gay or somehow otherwise (TAKEN). I look at most of the cats I chat with online like prison inmates. You know always saying what you want to hear. I don't let their words phase me. But... I'm being optimistic.

Wiz moment...Don't you ever bring me..no bad news..American Idol..Carmen gets to stay...Kim has to go. I don't know what America is listening to. I say if someone is consistently in the bottom three. They need to go. Carmen was lucky tonight. She knows in her heart of hearts that she should not be there. Not as a singer. Yes she is a pretty girl. But come on people, did you hear her last night? Or the week before? Or the week before? Hell Simon picked her and he knows it was a mistake...Arrgh!
In other news MJ is gone...again. This time I think it's for good. I will really miss his moves . Oh boy raised the bar and changed the game forever. Thanks for the memories again Mike. You're still a bad man!

I tuned into the Married by America finale, mostly because I could not find my remote. I must say it was something. There were two couples. One almost in love and the other I believe in love with love. One young lady, was willing to marry a man that she knew did not love her. Not like a feeling she had , he actually told her." I do not have those feelings". Still she pressed on, the guy finally told her he could not marry her at the alter. She was shocked. Well duh! , I wanted to be sad for her.I did, because the poor thing looked like she would shatter into a million pieces. But I couldn't. I couldn't understand how she was head over heels in love with a man she met 1 month ago. I know it happens but...it hasn't happen to me so I cannot understand it. Anyway both couples gave up the half million dollar purse, because neither said I do. At that point I was like damn...I'm sure that would have paid for an annulment.

The wind done gone..... Why can't people just say what they mean and mean what they say? I'm looking forward to working with these kids.I've always been a counselor of sorts anyway. I might as well get paid for it. All they need is a little guidence , patience and inspiration. Don't we all? My sister is on the right track again, thank you God. If ever anyone deserved to be ridiculously happy it's her. My grandmother is feeling much better now too. Maybe I thought the wind was for me, but it was for them, but its FAM so it's good...all good.

American Idol is full of crap!. Let me elaborate. I agree someone that is an Idol should be an upstanding citizen.Someone that young people can admire. That is in a world called "perfect". Now let's just look at a few of the so called idols we have. Elvis, Micheal, Whitney,Ozzie. Serious problems here. The pipes saved their asses. Let's go back a little... Frank Sinatra and his crew weren't exactly angels. Let's fast forward R. Kelly, and Eminem. The scandal that has surrounded these people have not hindered their talent nor hurt record sales. So what does Corey's impending legal battle have to do with his ability to sell records? Not a damn thing. Perhaps the producers should review what types America has chosen to call idols, divas, kings, queens etc....Let these people do their damn thing .... My mother is my hero!

Ahh, Feel that breeze? The winds of change. It's coming. Thank God, it's coming.

Sometimes I think I must have been a really rotten person in a past life... That would be one explanation for some of the ridculous shit in my life now. I keep saying everything happens for a reason . Keep holding out the light . Keep smiling but... DAMN!

From the moment that I heard Mr. Rogers died his opening jingle has been ringing in my mind. I would not rest until I remembered the entire tune. I thought about how many days I watched his program. I thought of shows I had forgotten about like Romper Room and Wonderama. I was happy he wanted ME to be his neighbor. I was happy to be engrossed in him for thrity minutes or so. It brought back memories of a very happy childhood. For that Mr. Rogers thank you.

I am addicted to "The Sims". There, I said it. I find it rather strange that I am, because I didn't play video games before. Something about these little people whose lives I get to control has me hooked. I find myself getting mad at them and talking to the screen.. out loud. Hmm, I need to go out. I know. Talk to real people. I think I missed my calling as a designer though. I must say my sims are living lovely! I am sooooooooooooo sick of hearing about Micheal. Just when I thought it was safe here comes the other one. Lawd! Lawd! Lawd!... Haven't heard from Mickey. Hope he's dead and not sending money transfers to Disney for the rest of his relatives to come.

There is something in this house, mouse patrol is not working out. Still no evidence. But I hear something. Whatever this is has sense. He knows what poison is and has laughed at me. He is winning, and taking over my life. I am determined to beat him. I want him gone! I won't be tearing the house up like the movie Mousetrap but... I understand. Free loading little shit has to go. Yesterday turned out to be quite surprising for me. Just when I thought I was going to become the Valentines Day grinch. Frenchie has been sent packing by America Idol,Hmmm... I'm sure they are digging like hell to find something on Rueben and Kim ( the other two best singers).who just aren't the anorexic people America desires.

I had to add this ... I thought American Idol was about being the best singer, I was obviously wrong.

It's amazing what hunger will do. Dressed in my mouse wear ( hat , long sleeve shirt and jacket, boots and jeans) I grabbed my mighty broom and headed into the kitchen. If I saw anything move the plan would be to swat it with the broom and run like hell ( after a few screams I'm sure) .Everyone I told said if he hears you he won't come out. So there i was banging pots and making so much noise; my neighbors must have thought I'd lost my mind. I'm singing and stomping , steady cooking though...then I heard something. As if he was saying " Yeah I hear you. Now hear this!" I still have not seen any critters and neither did the exterminator. No evidence yet and I'm starting to think that T was playing a very cruel joke. Now my mind has gone overboard. I haven't been hungry though.

Day one of mouse patrol is uneventful. I see no evidence of a mouse, but T swears she saw one. Okay I can do this, I can . Just gotta build up my courage. The exterminator should be here tomorrow. I am so hungry, but so afraid to go into the kitchen ( where the last sighting was) ..Hey I could be onto something. Kind of like a fear factor, mouse diet... I need sleep.

I'm losing my hair. Of course not all at once. Little by little. Day by day. If it's going to fall out why can't it just all fall out? Then I could call it a day, go get a wig or some weave. No it has to torture me, damn near bald in one spot and healthy in another. I could not imagine why I would be missing or losing hair. People say it's stress, but none of my problems are new. I've been dealing with them, or so I thought. I guess I have somehow supressed them and now they are coming out along with my hair. Ain't that some shit? Why couldn't it come out in the form of weight loss? I wish I could sleep, but I think there is a mouse in the house. No sleeping going on here. I'm scared to death. Why did he have to come here? As if I don't have enough crap on my plate. Now along with my spotty head I can add bags under my eyes. And the hits just keep on coming...

My father is having surgery today to have something called "floaters" removed from his eye. I can't sleep!. I worry about him and my mother. Perhaps too much. When I called today he told me that I didn't need to come to the hospital. As if I could just go on about my day knowing that someone is poking around in his eye. Sure...that'll happen. I was angry with him, he sort of forgot to mention the surgery at all. If it weren't for my sister I would never know anything. When I talk to them everything is just fine. Parents...counting my blessings...

I don't consider myself a conservative. I like to think of myself as open minded. There is a 23 year old that is interested in me. Being 36, I will not date anyone under 30. That is just too much for me. 23 is completely out of the question. I know all the age is nothing but a number arguments. All of them are valid. If that is where your comfort level takes you and you are happy then I'm happy for you. It's just not for me. Am I destined to be single forever?

I read an article that suggested that in order to keep the divorce rate down women shouId share men. The article stated that the first woman could pick the second, perhaps someone she knew, like a best friend. That way you would know all about her and the two of you could keep him happy enough so that he wouldn't need a third. She said everyone would be happy. Physically, emotionally and financially. Of course I was sickened as I read it. I wondered if women could really buy into this. Then I watched change of heart yesterday. The fellow let his girlfriend know that he was seeing her and her best friend at the top of the show...Since they hooked up. He then went on a date with a woman. He kissed and groped all night long, then topped the night off in a hotel room with a friend of his and another woman she called. ( But they just talked all night). He insulted his girlfriend the entire show. So I'm thinking..SKID MARKS she's dropping him! Noooo, even after all this she says" Well even though she was sucking on his lips. I don't think anyone should do that but me.So I'm staying together." Hello, he just told your simple behind he's sleeping with your best friend. What?...What?!!!!...She had the nerve to be disappointed that he dropped her. The article came back to me then. I guess for some that would work..Damn, it just makes me wanna holla!

I'm a little more than determined to win the Tom Joyner's Fantastic Voyage cruise. All I have to do is find a way to corrupt everyone else's entry. So far I have stuck to my diet; although I am really craving some Chip Ahoys. Missy Elliott has been an inspiration to me. She looks damn good. People are hating ( of course) saying she has some work done. Hell if I could afford it I would too. I have been looking into chemical peels. Don't get it twisted ,I love the color of my skin. I'm not trying to look like Micheal Jackson, I just want an even tone. I have to read up a little more on it. I'm taking a half day today , a plane has crashed at the airport. I may not get what I need to get done, I have to go that way and I know how Charlotte over reacts to everything. It looks bad though, I hope no one was killed. Sending up prayers...

I braided my girls hair and now I think my wrist will fall off. I'm going to the doctor soon . I just don't want to hear...Wiz moment... No bad news. Speaking of hair, I noticed another gray yesterday. I also decided to trim my hair myself ( being cheap never works) I now look like I am trying to bring Salt and Pepper's "whop look" ( Push It ) back, strange thing is it looked even when I cut it. I'm on a quest to lose 20 pounds, I'm taking a cruise this year ( trying to be like Stella) and get the groove back. Why is it when you are dieting every food commercial looks wonderful, and tasty? The bad thing is I'm noticing the food in commercials for cars too. Even the foods I don't eat! Staying away from the TV for awhile. Am I the only one who remembers the show " Get Christie Love?" Her catch phrase was ' Freeze sugar'. Anyway she ( Teresa Graves) died last year. I loved that show.