Slowly,Surely

Since I decided to end a relationship that wasn't going were I thought it should go, I've missed him. I miss the time that we shared. Normally this is where I give in to the madness and answer his calls.Now is when he's thinking that he has given me enough time to calm myself. Truthfully, when I hear his voice I want to pick up the phone so badly. I want to tell him come on over. I want to spend time and have extraordinary make- up sex. But I'm being firm. I meant exactly what I told him, it was exactly how I felt. Like my life was being put on hold for him. I promised myself, that I would never do that to myself again. So why does it hurt so bad?. I was at a point where I so miserable, at a point where it felt like pulling teeth to have a decent conversation.Trying to be understanding to his needs and not so harsh. ( As I am told I can be). And I can be. I know that. But enough for me was enough. Now that I've had enough he wants to the person that I wanted all along. He has time to listen and he "understands' how selfish he was. I find myself believing him., but I don't know if it's really the fact that I want to believe him or because it's the truth. I can't chance it. I'm not talking about a minimal amount of time spent with this man. He had years to see me for who I am. Years to understand the makings of me. Years to see the relationship was one he didn't want to lose. Years I feel now wasted. I don't have the time anymore. I won't be singing "I just love the man" around the house. Although, sometimes I want to, but in time I will be fine.

I will complain, yet praise;
I will bewail, approve;
And all my sour-sweet days
I will lament and love.


—from "Bitter-Sweet" by George Herbert