I Honestly Love You

- And I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable
_ I'm not trying anything at all



I'm 41 years old. I'm trying really hard to remember my 18Th year of life. To remember that I thought that I know it all.That my shit didn't stink. And I basically remember thinking that my parents were crazy and trying to ruin my life.I try to remember that because I am now dealing with my 18 yr old nephew. I really do not have that many rules. I basically feel like you are not a baby anymore. You have to wash your own clothes and clean up after yourself because, there is no maid service here. I will cook but, try to keep up because It's not an everyday occurrence. I will help you as much as I can so long as you are doing what is necessary ( work or school) to get ahead in life. Of the "rules" respect is a major thing with me. As long as you are in my house...you guys know the rest. This is not a democracy.

I will not in anyway tolerate any type of disrespect of my home or my person. My nephew is quite a handful. He has inherited the " Wendy's Family Name" mouth. I know because I have it too. I've always had it. But, when it came to my parents, my elders; I knew I had to curb it ( or die) . My nephew has not come to an understanding on that.

Yesterday, we were at odds again and I actually had to put him out. I think that act hurt me more than him. But he has to learn to appreciate the things people do for him. I think because we spoiled him as a child, he thinks that is supposed to carry over into his adult life which,to tell the truth,it probably would have had he done the things we asked of him. But as I have explained , he wanted to be a little thug instead. So, my family does not reward bad behavior, grades etc. But he remembers the sweeter side of life, and it almost seems to me that because he is in our 'good graces' again he "expects" us to just do for him. Well that ship has sailed. I am willing to help those who help themselves.


I have not been as angry as I was yesterday in quite some time. I do not want to be in that place. Or let me say I will not be in that place. Not in my own home. At 6:30, this morning, I let the child/young man in. He was cold, hungry and hopefully humbled. I can't say I didn't worry but, this was needed.I have spoken my peace, I have prayed and now I have to let God do the rest. He knows how much I love this kid.









"

Be Ok

I really didn't want this. I walked away from my previous job and got on with my life. Moved on. Didn't look back. I was trying to relax my mind for a minute and then jump back in renewed.

You want to bumble with the bee huh?

Like him... Every time I try to get out!...

Basically, I received a call from one of my former employees and it seems he has a legal problem with the company. ( A very good one I might add). He has hired an attorney and it seems that my name has come up several times. I had no idea at all that he was having this problem and when he called me ( out of the blue) I let him know that. It seems that my name has been included in all kinds of things that I had no knowledge of, nor control over. It's a case of " the shit falling in your lap" once your gone. Needless to say all of this talk of lawyers and suing has caused me to get calls from everyone. Even those who had no reason to terminate me.

( But, I don't answer those calls).

And now, I have a meeting with the president of the company.

Hmm...

"Behold, I give you authority to trample on serpents and scorpions and over all the power of the enemy and nothing shall by any means harm you" Luke 10:19

sangin'



Imma be ok
Imma be ok
I'll survive, i'll be fine, i wont cry no way
Imma be ok
Imma be ok
Dont you talk, i'll move on

Truth Is

People will do anything for money. Anything. I watched a show called The Moment Of Truth.See Craziness here The premise of this show is you strap yourself to a lie detector and get asked all kinds of personal questions. The more questions you tell the truth about the more money you will receive.

The thing is they are not asking questions like, what color underwear do you have on? They ask questions like, did you cheat on your wife?. Being that you are connected to the lie detector your ass is grass whether you answer in the affirmative or not if this is the case. Of course your wife is humiliated if you tell the truth and it is true and she is humiliated if you say no and it's a lie.Her tears are broadcast for the entire nation to see. This show is sick.

Why would anyone do this? Any money that you may or may not win, will go to the lawyers for your divorce. And if you are caught lying you get no money and you now have no relationship at home either. I think couples who are already separated and have no intention of getting back together would be good candidates for this show, otherwise you'd have to crazy.

This "game" show is intended to catch someone in a lie that has devastating effects on the persons life. What's next? Are we really going to have a Running Man show? Now I know gas is damn near $4 bucks and prices are high on everything everywhere but is it really worth it in the end? To take the man or woman that you love on a show and and watch them crash and burn from your deceit. I think not. I will not be tuning into misery, that is exactly what this is about.

I don't get off on the misfortune of others. Yeah, some may think I am taking it to the extreme but that is how my mind processed this show. I have got to get back to work and fast.

Beat It

I've blogged about my girlfriend who has a stepdaughter. I told you how I rarely visit because this little girl is too grown and I just can't take it. My gurl is soft hearted though. She would rather talk. OK... to each their own.

This young lady however is the type to take kindness for weakness and she has NO respect for my friend or her home whatsoever. It seems no matter what she does for this child she doesn't appreciate it. After numerous suggestions to " tear that ass up" my friend chose not to go that route. I had to respect that and her level of patience. Her theory was, this is not my child. My thinking is what exactly makes a child yours? I feel like if you are feeding, clothing, nurturing, comforting, caring for her in your home;Raising a child, this is your child. If you are doing more for this child in three years than the mother has ever done in 12, this is your child. And I feel like if you can do all this then, you can chastise this child too.Up to and including the beatdown.

I said repeatedly if you do not let her know who is in control of your home,she is going to try you.

Well she called. This 12 year old tried her. Slapped her in the face.THE FACE. And kicked her. KICKED HER. Why? Because my friend was yelling at her for not doing the dishes. Let me back up a minute here.

My friend has asked this girl to wash the dishes. That is her chore. The ONLY one she has. Of course and keep her room clean but, that is a given. I, no lie, have listened to my friend rant about this girl not doing the dishes for A full year. I swear. On this day she asked her and she didn't move. So my friend asked her. Where you never told when an adult asks you to do something you do it then, not when you feel like it? Of course her smartass said no. She then went on to backtalk and tell my friend what she isn't doing. Well that finally set my gurl off.

All I wanted to know was, did you get it on video? Please tell me you had the cam on.


She went on to tell me that she actually had to tussle with this child and the girl kicked and slapped her.


I'm telling you guys, I couldn't breathe for a moment. When I did respond though I said. " What hospital is she in?"

Now, although I am happy that my gurl finally got some backbone and beat her behind it was at the wrong time. It came from anger and frustration. Although I believe in the beatdown, there is a time for it. I also expressed that she does not want to have to battle in her home, I'm mean to where it becomes physical with a child. The stress and possible jail time involved is truly not worth it. It is possible that it has gone on for so long now that she may really hurt this child. I mean this girl is 12 . What happens at 13 and beyond? My thoughts were she has to go, being that she expressed to my friend that she wasn't her mother. I couldn't pack her shit quick enough.

Not my friend though, I called her today, just to make sure she was okay and see if she needed anything. She explained to me that the child's father "talked" to the girl and explained to her that...get this...."THE NEXT TIME IT HAPPENS, I'm gonna beat your behind too."

I'm just done.

Sail On

I can tell when the devil is really trying to get the best of me. I'm not letting him though. Last week my former employers decided not to pay me my final check. Yeah, they are playing with me. But I am using every ounce of strength to rise above. To not become Wanda ( She is a damn fool). Because, they are messing with my MONEY!

Thankfully, the writing was on the wall and I planned for this. Don't get me wrong, I want my MONEY, I just don't need it right now. Anyway,long before this happened I planned my vacation so I am going on with my plans. I'm looking forward to this cruise because I need to go somewhere beautiful and relax. I know I'll have to get back to the grind soon, so this will be my chance. I found a really inexpensive flight but I'm wondering why I have to visit every airport in the country on my return flight? For $115.oo I can't complain too much huh?

I call myself working out. Being I've been told of all the pounds I will gain on the cruise. I still hate working out. Gotta do it though. Hopefully the bod will be camera ready and I can share my adventure with you all. If you don't see pics of me only locations then, you know whats up.

I kept promising myself if I ever got the time I would finish my book. Now I have all the time in the world and nothing. I only have four maybe five chapters to have a complete manuscript. So far I haven't typed a word. I know how I want to finish I just wasn't motivated to do it. But, now that I'm managing to let some of the anger go it will be better.

I'm coming back to myself. I'm not one to stay down too long anyway. That's just not me. Thank you for your prayers, they are always appreciated.

So Pissed Off

Ok. It has taken me this long to come here and write this. I was terminated from my job two weeks ago. Why??? I don't know really. I know what they said I was terminated for was bullshit. I have had to fire people before. After taking the proper disciplinary actions I pull the person into my office. I tell them exactly why their relationship with the company has to end. This is not what happened in my case.

I was nitpicked until I felt like punching her in the face.Even the witness she bought with her was looking like what the hell are you doing? I finally had to ask her why are you here? WTF!!!

I was leaving anyway, I think I am so pissed because they got me before I could get them. You know, you always want to leave on your own terms. You want to be able to do your best Dominique Devereaux impersonation as you walk away. You want to be able to say in so many words " Take this job and shove it!."

I know another thing that is getting me is although I had to go through unimaginable bullshit, I did my job. I did it better than any else who has held the position. Yeah I can pop my collar on that. Because it's a fact.

So, I'm pissed yall. Trying not to let the devil get the best of me. Because right now I have some rather vengeful shit going through my mind. Being at home will do that. ( I have cleaned and rearranged enough I think).

So send up some prayers for your girl to get past this. Let it roll off. To remember that when a door closes another will open. And that this too shall pass...

My Funny Valentine

Today, someone crossed my mind that I haven't thought of a while. I'm thinking it was because Valentines day is coming. We had very good Valentines. He was a very good man period, hardworking and educated with a sense of humor to boot.Although he was no Denzel, he wasn't Flav either. I met him shortly after I started dating again after my divorce. I wasn't trying to settle down.I was too young or so I thought, to be bogged down in a "relationship" again. I wanted to have fun. Not to mention he was looking for a mother for his kid and I definitely didn't want to become instant mom at that time. I wanted to tell him, I did. But if I want to be completely honest here I wasn't woman enough, yet. I thought I could play. I ended up hurting a great guy.

The next time I saw him was at my brothers wedding.He happens to be related to my sister-in-law(the world is so small!) Always a gentleman he carried on polite conversation but, gave me the look.... Ladies you know the look. The one that makes you do a double take and think in your head ( Oh, it still like that?!!!) But, I had a frog...a big frog. Probably the bigggest damn frog ever!!!!, at the time. Who I thought was my Prince Charming ,so I brushed the look off and we parted ways again.

The last time I saw him, maybe a couple of years ago now, he was a marrried man, expecting his third child and living well. Although I really hurt him all those years before, his smile was genuine when he saw me. I was happy for him, for his happiness. I felt,well forgiven for the wrong I'd done.


I was just wondering about him today; as we do when we think of the ones that got away. Praying that he is still blessed and that maybe one day I will have the opportunity to meet someone like this again.

Come to my window

It's cold. I do not like cold weather. I know somebody is saying 'If it was hot you'd be wishing for this weather'. Not I. I will take a warm sunny dayover this mess anytime.However, I WILL take a freezing cold day over no day at all. You feel me. Thank you Jesus!

Anyone have any suggestions for dry skin. I mean, goodness. I have always been dry but the older I get the drier I'm getting. I'm using what I always have Nivea and baby oil but it's not working. I'm looking like I work with flour and/or white chalk all day. It's downright embarassing. Suggestions are welcome!

The other day our my office was broken into and besides the computer they also stole the phones, camera, stereo. Out of all this the thing that puzzles me most is the phone. After taking inventory of things missing this put me off the most.t. I wanted to start singing that Sesame Street song " One of these things is not like the other. I mean can you even pawn a phone?Cocaine is a helluva drug!

Does anyone else feel that CyberDrama in your life means you need a new hobbie?
How is it that you can't stand someone you have never met?For all you know this person is only like this on the internet. This may be their outlet to act a damn fool and you are buying into it.

I can hear my nephew saying "thank God she isn't here to ask me three million questions" because he has started classes. And just for that I think I will add a few more...

Me and Mrs. Jones

How many times have I said I don't date married men. I never will ( knowingly) never have (knowingly).

Check this...

I dial a number it's not the correct number I say I'm sorry and hang up. Three hours laterI get a call. Asking did I call this number, I say no. Because frankly I had forgotten that I called the damn number. ( MY short term is shit). Mrs. Jones proceeds to tell me that I did call her phone because my name and number are on her caller ID. I say ok, I may have called mistakenly earlier. She proceeds to tell me how long her and Mr. Jones have been married. I'm not trying to hear all this crap. I tell her she has the wrong woman, and I'm sorry that I called and that she is having marital troubles. I hang up.

Do you know she called me again? Now I'm hot and Mrs. Jones is clearly in need of answers, counsel and meds. Strange thing is I didn't even ask for her husband.The person I asked for sounds nothing like Jamie. I explain this to her again,I also tell her that I don't have time for games or other peoples drama. She finally believed me and eventually apologized. She said " You know how it is." I felt so sorry for her when we ended the conversation because,I don't know how it is. I have been in love, mistreated, broken hearted. The whole deal. But I never blamed the other woman. I never checked my mans phone. Never resorted to confronting others.

Why are women so quick to confront the other woman, while the piece of man skates?
Why don't we put the fault where it should be? I don't understand this Shirley Brown(Woman to Woman) mentality. Did you ever really listen to the words coming out of her mouth on that song? If I had the gumption to call the other woman it would be to tell her to come get him. not trying to keep him. I know people stay in bad situations for whatever reasons. I can't knock what people decide is right for their lives. I am however thankful I have not had to compromise.

Tonight I am just praying this woman has better days ahead.

If You Leave Me Now

Ok call me crazy but, twenty plus years ago I boohoooed like a babe as I watched Angie's ( Debbie Morgan) gut wrenching performance when her man died. Jessie the kid from the rough side of the tracks who turned his life around and got the girl. Recently I heard he came back as an Angel. ( Because he died). Now I hear he is coming back again. In human form. Ummm, I see dead people. Is this a dream sequence? Am I suppose to forget? This is why I stopped watching soaps they go too far. What's next? Jenny really didn't blow up on that water ski?

Maybe we can get them on All My Children too. This storyline is as good as any.

We really need those writers back.